


No One Left Behind

by Beautiful_Doom



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Everyone Needs A Hug, Family, Hurt, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, Not related to my Goody Two Shoes Verse, Remus needs a hug, Spoilers, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Sympathetic Sides, blood and some gore, post putting others first, therapy for all
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:22:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 57
Words: 68,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24017422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beautiful_Doom/pseuds/Beautiful_Doom
Summary: Janus has finally been accepted. He'd finally gotten the spot he'd deserved on Thomas's team, and things were great. Of course, he was busy now. So busy that he wasn't able to check on someone he'd left behind. When Logan checks on The Duke, he finds a broken man. Remus is devstated by Janus's acceptance, and Logan is determined to help him heal and recover enough to assume his role once again.But he quickly learns that The Duke's problems go far deeper than he thought...
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 955
Kudos: 953
Collections: Ongoing Favourites





	1. The Forgotten Duke

It was a few weeks after Janus had been accepted. His room had been moved to the Light Side of the Mind Palace, and he had settled in nicely. Granted, he’d been very hard at work at teaching Thomas self care, his new duty nearly taking up all of his time.

And it was around that time that Logan had realized that there was one side he hadn’t seen in a long while.

Remus.

Thomas had yet to accept him, so his room was still in the Dark Side of the Mind Palace, Logan knew. But had anyone... checked on him?

A few inquiries told him that no one had. Roman had brushed it off, saying that his brother was probably fine. Patton had looked uneasy, not wanting to be anywhere near Remus. Virgil had just hissed at him.

And Janus was with Thomas and unable to be contacted.

So that left Logan.

Just a quick check. Make sure he’s ok, and then come back. Shouldn’t take long at all. 

Logan kept that in mind as he descended into the Dark Side of the Mind Palace. The living room looked so similar to their own, but it was much dimmer and much colder. Logan couldn’t help but shiver. Still, he marched on.

“Remus?” He called out, looking around. The living room was a mess. Dirty dishes and uneaten food had attracted bugs and rats and mold and a putrid smell. Logan suppressed a gag as he moved away. Everything around him looked broken. Pictures were shattered, furniture was in pieces, and the walls had several holes, one of which had...

Had Remus’s morningstar hanging out of it. 

Logan stared for a moment until he heard a sound come from the kitchen. Turning away, he moved towards it. A single bulb lit the kitchen, but it periodically buzzed and flickered.

Logan’s eyes widened at the sight that greeted him.

Remus... Remus looked horrible!

He was sitting on the floor, wearing just a pair of black pants and a stained, rumpled green shirt. His hair was greasy and disheveled, his makeup was smeared all over his face, half washed away by noticeable tear tracks. His eyes were red and puffy, signaling a lack of sleep and an excess of crying. 

He was just sitting there eating a sandwich, but the bread was moldy, and the rest of the loaf was scattered nearby, the open bag half hanging from the counter. The lunchmeat looked fuzzy and discolored, and the open pack was in the same state as the bread bag.

It took a few moments, but Remus finally noticed Logan’s presence. His eyes widened, looking as if he was surprised or shocked to see someone here.

“Oh... hey, Nerd.” His voice was rouch and cracking as if he had spent a lot of time screaming. Or maybe he hadn’t used it much at all...

“Remus,” Logan was horrified to see Remus this way. For once, he didn’t know what to do. He just stood there and stared as Remus took another bite of his sandwich. He chewed with his mouth open, letting Logan see the bacterial nightmare get ground up by his teeth.

“Jannie’s gone,” Remus suddenly said. “Did... did you know that? H-He... he didn’t come... h-home one day.” He chuckled, sounding delirious. “Can you believe that? I... I thought maybe... maybe he fell into s-some quicksand and suffocated. Or... or maybe he was eaten by a... by a crocodile.” He chuckled again, his eye twitching slightly. “Can you imagine? Getting eaten alive b-by a crocodile. Your blood just... just gushing everywhere and your bones making those crunching sounds...”

“Janus is with us,” Logan said. “Thomas accepted him.”

He kept his tone level, but Logan couldn’t deny he was shaken up. The last time he’d seen the Duke, he’d been his usual crude self. Seeing him like this...

Logan didn’t like it. He never wanted to see Remus like this again. 

Remus paused at Logan’s words, but then he laughed again.

“I knew it,” he said. “I... I knew it. I mean... why not? Why wouldn’t this happen? I mean... first Roman... and then Virgil... and now Jannie...” He sniffled. “And now... now it’s just... m-me...”

Remus tried to grin up at Logan, but the tears in his eyes made it look more like a grimace. He sniffled again, pressing a hand to his mouth to stifle his sobs. The sandwich fell from his other hand, splattering on the dirty floor.

“I came down here to check on you,” Logan again managed to keep the tremor from his voice. “We hadn’t heard from you in a while. Why is that?”

“It’s getting harder to get through to Thomas,” Remus said, biting down on his thumb, speech slightly muffled. “He’s... he’s taking care of himself now. I figured... f-figured no one would want me coming by...”

He suddenly gasped, looking up at Logan again.

“Oh, but wait!” He said. “You don’t have to go. You can... you can stay here for a bit. We can talk about Vlad the Impaler. Did you know he stuck sharpened poles up people’s butts and let them die slowly? He’d even have lunch right beneath them. Speaking of lunch... I can offer you... um...”

He fiddled with the bread and meat, but each piece was worse than the last. Remus drummed his broken nails against the floor, chuckling again, and sounding near hysterical.

“Well, I... I think... we should have some Crofters. Virgil... he left it behind... should be a clean spoon somewhere...” Remus stumbled to his feet and began to dig through the drawers. He opened one, and a mess of cockroaches came scurrying out.

“Remus...” Already Logan’s mind was busy with his thoughts. He couldn’t leave Remus here. While Remus wasn’t the nicest of the bunch, or the cleanest, or the most helpful for Thomas’s health... he was still a part of Thomas. 

And Logan could not, in good conscience, leave Remus to wallow in his own filth. Especially when Remus was exhibiting every symptom of not being best health mentally.

“We could play a game...” Remus said, not turning around. “Jannie left behind some... some cards...” His hands began to shake and move wildly through the mess in the drawer.

“Remus!” Logan said loudly enough to be heard over Remus’s mutterings. Remus gasped and then froze, every muscle tensing, his hands gripping the counter with white knuckles.

Logan stepped forward and placed a hand on Remus’s shoulder. The Duke’s breathing hitched, but he didn’t move to shake Logan off. 

“Remus, I’m not going to let you stay here. Your physical and mental health are both at risk, and staying here will only make you worse,” Logan said gently. “You don’t have to worry. Even if the others won’t, I will take care of you.”

The silence in the kitchen was deafening.

“Why bother?” Remus finally said, his voice so soft, Logan nearly didn’t hear him. “They’re just going to send me back again. They don’t want me. Thomas doesn’t want me. Jannie... J-Jannie’s gone. Who do I have left?”

“You have me,” Logan said, turning Remus to face him. Remus looked so pitiful. So... lost. So utterly broken. Logan couldn’t stand it. “I promise you... I will not let them send you back. You can stay with me and I will personally help you recover. But the choice is yours, Remus. If you wish it, I will leave you here. But if you accept, I’ll take you to our side and you can stay in my room.”

Remus was silent. He seemed to be thinking it over. At least, that was what Logan thought until Remus began to slump, his body starting to go limp. Logan held him close, making sure he didn’t fall.

“Please,” he heard Remus say. “I don’t want to be here...”

“You won’t be alone,” Logan soothed him gently. “I'll make sure of it."

He sunk out, taking Remus with him.


	2. Cleansed of your Sins (and mold)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan gives the Duke a bath

“You need a bath.”

Logan had brought Remus back to his room, the intrusive side standing hunched over, looking as if he was trying his hardest to not touch anything. And he was. Logan’s room was spotless and almost absurdly tidy. Remus smelled and looked like he’d been sleeping in a dumpster for the past few weeks, and he was overcome with an intense need to not touch anything...

Lest he taint it somehow.

Remus didn’t like baths. Janus was always the one to shove him into a bath and throw some soap at him. Remus would begrudgingly wash himself so that he could escape back to his room and get back to whatever project he was working on at the time.

Normally, Remus would hiss and back away.

But now he simply nodded his head, not having the energy to protest.

“Normally I would respect your privacy and allow you to bathe yourself,” Logan continued. “But you’re hardly in any position to do so, and I am actually afraid you might fall and hurt yourself somehow.”

Logan led Remus to the roomy bathroom that was attached to his room, gathering towels, soap, and everything else needed. He had Remus strip and get into the tub, bagging up his clothes to dispose of them later.

There was no saving those clothes... 

“Don’t worry, I will be gentle,” Logan put on a pair of rubber gloves. “Just let me know if anything hurts. You don’t look injured, but I cannot tell under all of this... filth.”

Remus seemed to wilt at those words. 

“I do not mean that you are filthy in a metaphorical sense,” Logan detached the shower head and turned on the water. “I mean you are literally filthy. But... perhaps that’s not your fault. You are showing signs of having been through a trauma. Did... Janus’s leaving affect you that much?”

Logan had no idea how the others treated each other. He had no idea if they were a happy family or mortal enemies. But the way Remus was acting, it was as if he’d lost everything.

And maybe... maybe he had.

Remus was silent as Logan rinsed him with the showerhead. The water was pleasantly warm, and he shivered slightly as it came into contact with his colder skin. He was trying to think about Logan was saying, but it was a bit difficult with his intrusive thoughts already swarming around his head.

“I...” Remus wet his chapped lips. “Jannie helped me. He... helped me with my... with my thoughts. Sometimes I would say them aloud and he’d... he’d answer back. Like... he’d talk about them in a scientific way and disprove them or answer the questions. It... it helped. Most of the time.”

“And when it didn’t?” Logan asked, squirting shampoo into his hand.

“Then nothing changed,” Remus shrugged. “My thoughts are always there. They never stop. It’s like... sometimes I can turn the volume down, but I can never turn it off. But lately, they’ve been... sluggish. I haven’t had the energy to really think.”

“That... sounds distressing.” Logan put his fingers into Remus’s hair to scrub it, but he paused in horror.

“You have mold growing in your hair!” Logan said in shock. 

Remus wilted even further, making a low keening sound that made Logan feel awful for what he’d said. 

“I’m sorry,” Remus whimpered. “Please don’t send me back. I’ll try harder to stay clean.”

Logan sighed softly, working his fingers through Remus’s hair.

“I’m sorry, Remus,” he said. “I was just surprised. I’ve never seen actual mold growing in someone’s hair. At least not someone who is still alive.”

Remus actually gave a short giggle at that.

It took four washings before Remus’s hair was clean. The silver streak stuck out brightly and could actually be seen now. And Logan never again wanted to think about the manner of filth he’d seen rinse out of Remus’s dark locks.

“When was the last time you ate?” Logan asked as he began washing Remus’s arm. He didn’t even want to know what some of these stains were.

“This morning,” Remus said, watching him almost curiously. 

“Allow me to rephrase,” Logan continued. “When was the last time you ate actual edible food?”

“Um...” Remus was silent for a minute. “Maybe a few weeks ago? All the prepared food ran out pretty quickly...”

“Why didn’t you cook more?” Logan paused what he was doing.

“I... I can’t cook,” Remus mumbled. “And I can’t conjure edible food. That’s Roman’s thing...”

“You can’t conjure edible food?” Logan asked. “At all?” 

He’d never taken the time to really examine or think about the twins’ abilities. But with how Remus was speaking, he was now wondering if there really were things that one twin could do that the other could not.

“Yeah, any food I conjure comes out all moldy or raw,” said Remus. “Jannie was the one who cooked because I always burned or ruined the food somehow. But I was really really hungry, so... I just ate whatever I could. I don’t... I don’t think I can really get food poisoning, but none of it tasted good.”

“I imagine not,” Logan agreed. “I’ll have to get you something to eat after your bath.”

“Thank you...” Remus said softly.

Logan rinsed him off again, and the water that drained was black and murky. What had Remus been doing that made him so dirty? Sure, it had been a few weeks since Janus’s acceptance...

Well, it had actually been a month.

One whole month... and no one had thought to check on Remus until now.

Logan felt a deep ache in his gut at that thought. No wonder Remus looked so awful. Looking closer, Logan could see that Remus had actually lost weight and his skin was paler. The bags under his eyes were deeper and more prounounced without the make up to hide it.

“Have you been sleeping?” Logan forced himself to change the topic. He needed to assess how bad Remus’s state was.

“Not really,” Remus said. “I have really bad insomnia. Sometimes I don’t sleep for days on end. That’s when the thoughts get worse. But Jannie would sometimes find ways to help me sleep with Remy’s help. And then I’d sleep all night and all day the next day.”

“That doesn’t sound healthy,” Logan said. “I’ll help you find some sort of schedule or method that works best. I had no idea that Janus did so much for you. He sounds like he really cares about you...”

Remus was quiet for a moment, but then he began to sniffle and whimper softly. Logan only managed to drop the sponge before Remus was full out sobbing.

“Why did he go?” Remus wailed. “Why d-did he abandon m-me? Wh-what did I do wr-wrong?”

He sniffled, wiping at his eyes and nose. Logan brought the sponge back up to help him clean his face. 

“Do you think I should ask?” Remus sobbed. “M-maybe if I change... he won’t leave me again.”

“Remus,” Logan put his hands on the other’s shoulders, trying to comfort him. “Remus, it’s not your fault. Janus left for his own reasons, and it is deplorable that none of us came to check on you. You are just as much a part of Thomas as the rest of us, and we should have taken care of you as such. I promise... I’m not going to let this happen again. I’m going to help you when you need it and make sure you stay happy and healthy.”

Remus quieted down as Logan spoke, still sniffling softly. 

He’d lived with the Lord of Lies for so long that he was nearly as good at catching lies as Janus was.

And Logan...

Logan was telling the truth.

And a soft flower of hope began to bloom in Remus’s chest.


	3. Edible Food

“I apologize that I don’t have much in terms of comfort,” Logan dug through his closet for some clothes for Remus. “I’m more... practical. These should fit, however. You may wear them for now.”

Logan handed over the clothes and turned away from Remus to prepare a space for him to sleep.

Remus pulled on the clothes, but they were big on him, hanging off his thinner frame. They felt nice, though, and they smelled good. Remus couldn’t resist pulling the collar up and inhaling the scent.

Books. Coffee. And something else that was just... Logan.

Remus held the collar to his nose, lost in the scent that emanated from it. He quickly dropped it when Logan turned back around.

“You may sleep in this seperate bed for now. I personally would not send you back to the Dark Side until it has been thoroughly cleaned. And even then, I believe that staying up here will be more... conducive to your health.”

“Thank you,” Remus said softly. “You’re very nice, Logan.”

Logan blinked at the compliment. It wasn’t often that someone called his contributions ‘nice’. He looked at the clothes on Remus and frowned when he saw how big they were on him. While it was true that they all had subtle differences in their body shapes, Remus had always been the robust type. He’d shrugged off injuries like they were nothing and was always the image of strength and confidence.

But now he was much thinner, his face a bit gaunt, the skin under his eyes was still dark despite washing off the eye shadow. The clothes hung off of him like a grim reminder that no one had bothered to check on him in over a month. Logan wondered how long Remus had been eating molded food...

“Are you hungry?” He asked, deciding to tackle the next task.

“I ate earlier...” Remus mumbled, looking embarassed.

“That does not answer my qustion,” Logan said firmly but patiently. “Are you hungry?”

Remus’s stomach rumbled, and he pressed his hands against them as if that would silence it. If anything, he looked even more ashamed now.

“I... I’m starving,” he finally said. 

“Good, Remus,” Logan pat Remus’s shoulder. “I’m glad that you told me that you’re hungry. Please keep doing so. Do not be afraid or ashamed to let me know when you need something.”

Remus mumbled something and shook his head.

“I just... I-I’m worried... if I tell you th-then you’ll... you’ll get annoyed and.... you’ll l-leave me,” he finally managed to say.

Logan was going to have some strong words with the others. It wasn’t right to see Remus like this. It wasn’t right for him to be so broken and lost. It wasn’t right that no one had thought to check on him, granted that Logan hadn’t either. And Logan was angry at himself as well. 

Clearly Remus had been traumatised by the whole event. Clearly Remus had his own issues to work through. Had Remus always been this way? Had he covered his problems with a false bravado and fake smile?

Logan didn’t know, but he wasn’t going to let the issues drop. They would be addressed properly in time.

“Remus,” he finally said. “I am not going to leave you. You are not annoying for voicing your needs, and you are not annoying for voiceing your desires. You may be a little annoying when you tell Thomas to jump out of a moving car for the 1,395th time...”

Remus managed a small giggle at that, hearing the humor in Logan’s tone.

“But you are just doing your job. We have all treated you unfairly because we were biased and that was wrong. I am sorry that we have done so for so long, and I know that we will have many amends to make, but I promise we will,” Logan smiled. 

Remus was silent for a moment, but then he shook his head.

“You don’t need to,” he said. “Not like they do. You... you came. You came when you didn’t have to. You brought me here and... and you helped me clean up and you gave me clothes. And now you’re going to give me food. You’re acting nice and... and friendly. That... that was all I ever wanted. A friend... someone to be nice to me. Someone to... to talk to.”

Logan pushed his anger aside. There was a time and a place. This was neither. He needed to get Remus something to eat.

“You can talk to me as much as you want,” Logan reassured him. “Now, let’s get you some food. I’ll cook something for you.”

Remus’s smile grew at the mention of edible food.

Logan took Remus downstairs and sat him at the table. It was late, so no one was around to bother them, which suited Logan just fine. He didn’t want anyone to start asking questions or to bother Remus, lest he be chased back to the cesspool that was now the Dark Side.

“What kind of food do you like?” Logan asked.

“Um... anything is fine,” Remus said. “I’m... I’m not picky.”

“That does not answer my question,” said Logan. He made sure to keep his tone patient. “What kind of food do you like?”

Again, Remus was silent, fidgeting with the hem of the shirt he was wearing. 

“I... I like seafood,” he finally said. 

Seafood. Of course. What else would an octopus eat? Logan began to wonder if Remus’s animal traits went deeper than the tentacles he liked to sprout every so often.

“We have fish,” Logan pulled out a wrapped fish and checked to make sure it was still good. “How do you like it prepared?”

Remus started to say something, but then he stopped.

“Um... whole,” he said. “Just take the scales off. And.. and with garlic butter. J-Jannie would always use garlic butter...”

Logan wondered if he had been about to tell him to just prepare it however he wanted. This was good. Remus was making progress.

“Thank you for tell me, Remus,” he smiled gently. “It’s good that you were able to tell me what you wanted.”

Remus smiled and did an odd wriggle that almost looked like a way of expressing happiness.

Logan prepared the fish and it was soon baking in the oven. Remus was staring intently at the oven door, looking as if he might start drooling. Logan sat with him at the table and watched him curiously.

“Can you really not cook?” He asked. 

Remus flinched slightly and turned to look at him.

“No,” he said sadly. “It always goes wrong. I’ve tried so many times. Even with Jannie helping me. The moment I took over or tried to help, it always turned out bad.”

“Would you... be willing to show me?” Logan asked.

Remus shrugged and held out his hand to someone something. A fish appeared in his hand, but it was half rotten and swarming with flies. Logan flinched back with a grimace, and Remus vanished it.

“See?” he said. “I don’t like rotten food because it doesn’t taste good, but I was really really hungry down there, so... I ate what I could.”

Logan then got up and brought over a bowl, a jug of milk, and a box of cereal.

“Try making cereal,” he said. 

Remus shrugged and did so. He poured in some cereal and then some milk. There was a beat... and then the cereal burst into flames.

Logan stared. 

“How...?” he said, sounding stumped. “How does it do that, that should be impossible?”

“It’s always done that,” Remus looked down, sounding ashamed again. “I’m sorry...”

“No,” Logan shook his head. “Don’t apologize, it’s not your fault. It would make sense that there are things that Roman can do that you can’t. In fact... it should be very obvious.”

“Obvious?” Remus tilted his head.

“The nature of the thoughts and ideas you have, that you are in charge with...  
said Logan. “You wouldn’t be able to create the same things. You can hardly create a white shirt if all you have is black fabric.”

Remus blinked.

“That... that actually does make sense,” he said.

The timer on the oven then dinged, and Remus wriggled again as he watched Logan get up to pull out the fish. It smelled delicious as Logan put the fish on a plate and then set it on the table.

Before Logan could ask if Remus needed help deboning the fish, Remus picked it up and bit straight into it, bones, organs and all.

Remus closed his eyes as he savoured the first real meal he’d had in a long time. Flavor exploded across his tongue, reminiscent of a better time when Janus was still with him. When he hadn’t been forgotten. When he hadn’t been abandoned. It almost made the food bittersweet, but Remus was determined to enjoy this. Logan had worked hard on it just for him.

“You eat the fish whole?” Logan asked, breaking through Remus’s thoughts. 

“It all tastes good,” said Remus. “My teeth are very good at crunching bones.”

“But then... why bother removing the scales?” Logan asked.

“I don’t eat scales,” Remus took another bite. “It’s out of respect for Jannie.”

Logan blinked. That... was oddly touching.


	4. Logan Speaks His Mind

Baths sucked. 

It was well known fact to Remus. Baths sucked. 

But water? Water was nice. Especially sea water. Water that rolled and rumbled and gave sanctuary to the creatures of the deep. Remus loved water. And water was different from baths. Baths were scrubbing yourself with fancy soaps and shampoos until all the dirt was gone and you smelled nice. Water was just water. No soaps there. No shampoos. 

And Remus loved to fill the tub up until the water ran over the edges and onto the floor. He didn’t have the strength to return to the imagination just yet, so he created his sanctuary in Logan’s tub. The water was near scalding, just the way he liked it. The room was full of steam. 

He let himself relax. 

Logan had left for something or other, and Remus had chosen to stay behind. He didn’t want to face the others just yet. The pain was still too much. 

Remus sighed and let himself sink deeper into the water. He leaned against the edge of the tub and carefully let his tentacles slink out of his back. He had four of them. Four dark green tentacles that could also glow in the dark. Only Virgil and Janus knew about them, and Remus preferred it that way. 

He was tempted to shapeshift fully into an octopus as he has done before, but this tub was too small for him, he was a big boy. A big octopus. While he sometimes let himself shrink down to swim along the ocean waves, he often liked to use his true octopus form to terrorize the ships and sailors in Roman’s kingdom. 

Keep them on their toes. 

But for now, he settled for sinking beneath the water and lying peacefully on the bottom of the tub. He let his gills manifest along his sides and settled down for a nap. 

Thomas was having another huddle, and Logan had been summoned. His eyes did not fail to notice that everyone but Remus had been summoned. What had been a simple observation before now left him with a newfound rage. Why should Remus be excluded like this? 

It had been a week since he’d brought Remus to stay in his room, and Logan was proud of his recovery. Remus was looking healthier now, he was speaking more, he no longer had trouble with asking for things. But he still clung to Logan like... well, like an octopus. He was constantly needing physical touch, needing reassurance. Logan could sympathize, and he was glad to give Remus what he needed. 

Remus was also doing much better on the schedule Logan had created for him. He was eating and sleeping regularly. He still refused to leave Logan’s room, but Logan allowed him to choose when he would do so. So, Remus would eat the food that Logan brought him. Healthy food. Edible food. Of course, Patton had noticed Logan bringing back dirty dishes and taking food to his room, but Logan had simply stated that he had personal reasons and did not want to share. Patton still nudged him a bit, but he mostly left it alone. 

The arguments of the others broke Logan from his inner thoughts. He hadn’t said much after being summoned, feeling his anger grow as everyone spoke and snarked and teased with each other. No one seemed to notice the empty spot next to Roman. No one seemed concerned that Remus hadn’t been seen in a month and a half. 

“I would like to pose a query to the group,” he said suddenly. 

The conversation tapered off into silence, everyone looking at Logan in confusion. That tone he used, his expression. It held a hidden anger to it. 

“What is it, Specs?” Roman shrugged. He faltered when Logan fixed him with a glare. 

“Has anyone... anyone at all... seen Remus lately?” Logan asked. He glanced around the room, seeing expressions of confusion. 

Except for Janus. 

Janus’s eyes slowly widened in horror, and Logan could swear he saw guilt as well. Janus started to sink down- 

“Don’t. Move.” Logan growled at the other. Janus flinched and stepped back. 

“Allow me to answer my own question,” said Logan. He looked around at the others. “Because I already know the answer. The answer is that no one has seen Remus for quite a long time now. No one has bothered to go check on his welfare. No one has given him so much as a passing thought, have they?” 

Silence. 

“I know this because I was the one who checked on him a week ago,” said Logan. “I found him living in squalor and eating moldy rotten food because it is literally, not figuratively, literally impossible for him to summon or cook edible food. And I know that because he told me and showed me. He couldn’t even make a simple bowl of cereal. He was sitting on the kitchen floor and eating a sandwich that I probably could have discovered three new types of bacteria with.” 

Patton gasped in horror and Roman looked away. Virgil sunk down until he was sitting on the steps instead of standing by them. His expression was unreadable. 

“Is he ok?” Thomas asked. He actually looked genuinely concerned. Logan supposed he couldn’t blame Thomas as much as the others. After all, Thomas had only met Remus once, not even knowing about his existence. He didn’t know a thing about how they lived or how they functioned, so he couldn’t have known the grave situation Remus had been in. 

“He has lost a good amount of weight,” said Logan. “He has only recently stopped crying over his misfortunes, but he has suffered a great amount of trauma, and I am working with Dr. Picani to get him an appointment for therapy. I have been feeding him and making sure he sleeps, but there is only so much I can do.” 

He glanced at Janus to see the other had tears in his eyes. Good. Logan was glad he was crying. 

“I confess I am disappointed,” said Logan. “With all of us. That we let this bias and this stupid wedge between us get this bad. That the moment Thomas shows us some attention, we forget about our family. From what Remus told me, Janus has been acting as a paternal or maternal figure. And you abandoned him the moment Thomas accepted you.” 

Logan slowly clapped his hands. 

“Bravo, Janus. A shining example of self care...” 

“Logan-” Patton warned. 

“And you, Patton,” Logan turned his ire onto the other paternal figure. “You claim to be so tolerant and so accepting and you fell head over figurative heels for Virgil, but you still see Remus as some monster. If anything, Virgil negatively affects Thomas even more than Remus does, and yet you always saw Virgil as some pure precious son for you to fawn over while actively rejecting Remus. Can you spell ‘hypocrisy’, Patton?” 

Patton wilted under Logan’s words. As much as he hated to admit it, Logan had a point. Patton had always been happy for Virgil and saw him as someone to love and care for, but Remus... he’d always avoided the other. Patton claimed to be the Dad. He claimed that they were all a family. But he’d neglected one of the Kiddos in the Mindscape. And poor Remus... 

Patton sniffled and wiped at his eyes. 

“Logan, you have gone too far,” Roman said. “My brother is an exception. He is an unfeeling beast whose only desire is to destroy and pollute. I could write novels upon novels about his crimes and the horrible things he’s done. He is not good for Thomas. He is not good for anyone!” 

“Roman, can you write a horror story?” Logan tilted his head. “A real horror story? One that’s actually scary, and isn’t just some mundane Disney level of horror?” 

“Well of course I... I...” Roman’s tone faltered as he thought about it. He’d never written a horror story before. Sure, he’d added a few monsters to his tales, but nothing truly horrible. Nothing the level of which Remus could do. 

“You cannot,” Logan said patiently. “Because you were created from Thomas’s good thoughts and good imagination. You cannot do the things that Remus can do just as he cannot do the things that you can do. So you are punishing Remus for something that is beyond his control, and I think that’s just a little unfair. Dare I say... it’s immoral.” 

Patton flinched at Logan’s words. Janus was silently crying now, unable to speak through his guilt. Patton at least had a calculating look, as if he were having quite the mental battle within himself. 

“We have let this go on for long enough,” said Logan. “And I am ending it here. If you will not start including Remus, then I will include him myself. With or without your blessing. It’s not fair that we should all be a family and leave him out in the figurative and literal cold. I will leave you all with your thoughts. If anyone should need me, I will be in my room. Remus will be there too, so make sure you knock before you enter.” 

Logan sunk out without another word, leaving the group behind in silence.


	5. Getting to Know You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone comes to visit Remus...

Remus was curled up in Logan’s blankets when Logan returned.

He perked up and smiled at the other, doing his little happy wriggle.

“You’re back,” he said. “I found a documentary we can watch together. Look, it’s about the Spanish Inquisition! It’s educational. Gruesomely educational...”

Logan sighed as he sat down on his bed. Remus leaned against him, cuddling into Logan’s embrace. Logan rarely watched the tv in his room, but it kept Remus entertained. It was... strange. Logan was so used to giving and doing for nothing in return, but Remus did give something in return even if he didn’t know it.

Remus gave Logan a net to fall into when everything came to be too much, he gave Logan a shoulder to cry on, he gave Logan a board to bounce ideas and knowledge off of. Remus was surprisingly intelligent, almost scarily so. The things he knew and the facts he slung around as if they were common knowledge... it was a breath of fresh air to Logan.

And Logan once found himself wondering how the trial would have went if Remus had been there in a dark green and black suit.

Remus had simply shrugged and said that it was his job to be knowledgeable. After all, creativity was based on knowledge. He was like a mystery writer who researched fatal wounds and poisons and weapons to kill his characters with so that he could build their worlds and deaths and lives. 

“You look frustrated,” Remus said, looking at Logan in concern. “What happened?”

Logan was broken from his thoughts, smiling softly at Remus. That was another thing. Remus actually paid attention to him and noticed Logan’s moods. More than that, he would address them and express concern for Logan’s wellbeing.

“I had a... talk with the others,” Logan said slowly. “I may have lost my temper with them. I scolded them for abandoning you and ignoring you and other things...”

Remus’s eyes widened.

“You did what? Why did you do that? They’re going to be angry with you now,” he said. “Please... don’t ruin everything because of me...”

Logan’s heart broke at those words. Did Remus really think so little of himself? Granted, any road to recovery tended to be long. Remus was still recovering, and his self-esteem wasn’t quite where it was before.

“If they’re angry, it’s their own choice,” said Logan. “They needed to hear what I had to say. All of them.” He reached down and gripped Remus’s hand. “You are worth it. You deserve the same happiness as them. You deserve to be loved and to be cared for and to be accepted. And... I’m sorry it took me that long to realize it. Going forward, I am going to do all I can to include you when we’re summoned. Even if you have no ideas to contribute, you should still be given a chance.”

Remus blinked a few times, absorbing Logan’s words. Logan was worried that they would get lost within the abyss of Remus’s depression, but then Remus slowly gave a small smile and Logan knew he was getting through to him.

It was the next day that there was a knock on Logan’s door.

Remus flinched and burrowed under the covers, peaking out slightly. Logan glanced at him and gave him a reassuring smile.

“Who is it?” He asked.

“It’s Patton,” came the answer. “Can I please come in? I... I wanted to speak to Remus.”

Logan glanced at Remus.

“Your choice, Remus.”

Remus slowly sat up, drawing the blankets around him until only his eyes showed. He was silent for a moment, but then he nodded.

“You may enter, Patton,” Logan called. 

The door opened slowly, Patton looking into the room before he entered it. He closed the door behind him and gasped softly at the sight of Remus. He reached out as if to touch him, but lowered his hand when Remus flinched.

“Hi Remus,” Patton smiled, sitting down in one of Logan’s spare chairs. “I... I wanted to come speak to you. I think there’s... some things we need to talk about. You see... um....”

Patton faltered for a bit, trying to find the words. Remus tilted his head curiously and let the blankets fall to his shoulders, exposing the rest of his head.

“Logan was right,” Patton finally said. “I haven’t been fair to you. All this time I thought you were bad and-and... and not good for Thomas. But if you’re part of him, then you cannot be that bad. And bad creativity... it doesn’t make Thomas bad.... or-or evil. What I’m trying to say is... I’m sorry. It was wrong of me to judge you so harshly. It was wrong of me to reject you. It was wrong of me to...” 

He sighed.

“I always call myself the dad in this family,” he sniffled. “But... but I can hardly be a dad if... if I don’t love all my kiddos. And you are one of the kiddos. I’m so sorry I didn’t show you any love. I was... I was afraid of you. I was afraid of what you could do. I was afraid of what you might do to Thomas... and that was wrong of me. I should have taken the time to get to know you. Maybe then I would have realized that you do the things you do because you can’t do anything else. And even if you could do other things and chose to do these things instead... then I should still love you. These thoughts and actions don’t make you evil.”

Patton wiped at his eyes, taking a moment to regain himself. Logan felt Remus grab his hand and looked over to see Remus’s eyes brimming with tears. His hand shook as he held Logan’s, and Logan worried that Patton might have triggered some kind of fit. But then Remus took a deep breath and cleared his throat.

“You’re telling the truth,” he finally said. “I can tell. You really are sorry.”

“I... I want to get to know you,” Patton sniffled and wiped at his eyes again. “I should have done so years ago, but I didn’t. I’m so sorry, would you... would you be willing to give me another chance?”

Remus glanced at Logan as if asking his opinion, but Logan simply shook his head slightly. This choice was Remus’s. 

Remus finally let the blankets fall and pool in his lap. Patton thought about how adorable he looked wearing Logan’s old Doctor Who shirt. And then Remus gestured to the end of the bed, an invitation.

Patton gasped and moved to the bed, grinning widely.

And they talked.

They talked for hours about everything and anything. They talked about Remus’s ideas, what he liked, what he didn’t like, what his hobbies were, about his kingdom in the Imagination, and more. Patton was pleasantly surprised at Remus. On the surface, he was crude and vulgar and violent, but beneath it was a thirst for life and a passion for his ideas and his creations. Remus had made himself a whole kingdom in the Imagination, a whole country! Subjects of numerous people and beasts and regions of all kinds. Cultures and customs and more, all different. Remus had created a vast world for himself to escape to when he needed it. It was brilliant, but tinged with sorrow when Patton realized that Remus felt more at home in the Imagination than among the others...

It wasn’t until it was getting to be time for Patton to start dinner that the talk began to wind down.

“Oh golly, I need to make dinner,” Patton checked Logan’s clock. “Remus, would you like to join us?”

“Um...” Remus hesitated. “Sorry, but no. I’m... I don’t want to be around the others just yet.”

“I understand,” Patton nodded. “Well... I’ll make some extra and Logan can bring it to you. I heard you like sea food so I was going to make some shrimp and potatoes.”

“Fried shrimp,” Remus gasped, his eyes going wide. “Oh, I’d love some. I love shrimp...”

“Then I’ll be sure to fix you a plate,” Patton chuckled. “Oh, and before I forget... I made you something to... well, to show I’m going to try harder with you. And to... apologize.”

Patton summoned a large handmade octopus plush. It was made very well with dark blue and green fabric. Remus slowly reached out and took it from Patton, slowly smiling all the while. He rubbed his cheek against it, discovering that the fabric was very soft. He did another happy wriggle as his smile widened.

“Thanks, Patton. I love it!”

“You’re welcome, Remus,” Patton smiled in relief. “And... if you ever need anything... I’ll always be around here to help. With anything.”

“Even if I need you to help me hide a body?” Remus asked. 

Patton paled.

“I’m just joking!” Remus giggled. “But thanks. I... I really appreciate it.”

Patton gave one last smile as he left, closing the door behind him.

“You seem to have... accepted his apologies rather quickly,” Logan said. “Why is that?”

Remus shrugged, still hugging his new octopus.

“He can’t help the way he thinks and feels,” said he said. “From a moral standpoint, I am bad and evil. So he can’t help but see me like that. I understand that. I can’t help the things I create. It took a lot for him to come here and talk to me. He’s giving me a chance, so... why shouldn’t I give him one too?”

“That’s... very mature of you, Remus,” Logan said. “I expected you to hold a grudge like your brother does.”

“Eh, Patton’s trying,” Remus said, playing with the soft tentacles of his plush. “He just needed a good kick in the butt is all...”


	6. Deeply Personal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus shows Logan how much he trusts him...

“I can’t believe you accepted him,” said Virgil. “Do you have any idea of what he can do? What he’s like? I had to live with him for Pete Wentz’s sake! Do you know how much he terrified me? For fun!?”

“Virgil, calm down before you have another fit,” Patton said, seasoning the shrimp. “Listen, Kiddo... I get where you’re coming from. But none of us have given Remus a chance, and Logan was right when he said it's not fair. We’ve all treated Remus like he’s some kind of animal. We’re supposed to be a family. How can we be one if we keep excluding Remus for stuff he can’t help?”

“We can do it very easily seeing as how we’ve been doing it for years,” Virgil said. “Tigers are cute when they’re not mauling you. Just because Remus is cute now doesn’t mean he won't be mauling us later, and Logan doesn’t seem to realize that. We do not need Remus. We do not need his help, and we don’t need him hanging around here. Just send him back to the dark side. I mean, the way he acted last time was-”

“Exactly how you acted before we accepted you?” Patton asked.

Virgil flinched, eyes widening as he took a step back. Patton had never used that tone before. A firm dad tone. It made Virgil feel as if he were child who had just done something bad...

“I hate to say it, but you weren’t the nicest person at first either,” said Patton. “You were mean, you were snarky, you were rude. And you still are sometimes. But I came to accept that that’s just how you are. I’ve loved you and supported you this whole time. Why can’t I give Remus some support now? Why can’t I accept him?”

Patton sighed, sliding the shrimp into the oven. He leaned back against it after closing the door. He looked... tired. Like there was a guilty weight on his shoulders. It actually worried Virgil, who was so used to seeing him bright and perky.

“You didn’t see him,” Patton said softly. “He looked like a lost little child. So small and sad and scared. And he was so thin! Even with Logan helping him. He wasn’t at all like his usual self. And I learned so much about him. He has a castle and a whole world that he created! He can play the kalimba and can name all the bones in a human body! He’s smart, Virgil. He has likes and dislikes and passions and dreams just like the rest of us! And... it’s not fair to judge him like this. I was wrong to do so. Logan already proved that he’s harmless to Thomas.”

“But he’s still a threat!” Virgil protested. “You can dress him up however you like, but he’s still bad for Thomas. And I can’t even count all the times he’s scared me on purpose. You expect me to just forget that? He’s a dark side! He should stay in the dark side and leave us all alone!”

“Then by that logic, we should send you back too,” Patton crossed his arms. “We should send you and Janus and Remus back to live in the dark side like how it used to be. Or did you forget that you used to be a dark side?”

Virgil faltered, opening his mouth to say something, but then he closed it when nothing came out.

“I’m not asking you to forget everything,” said Patton. “Just... just talk to him. Give him a chance. He was stuck down there by himself for over a month, Virgil. He was eating rotten food and I can’t even imagine what kind of damage that probably did to him. I’m not going to hurt him anymore. But... the choice is yours in the end. Just... please think hard about it before you make it.”

“I can’t deal with this right now,” Virgil shook his head. “Call me when dinner’s ready.”

He left, and Patton sighed again.

“I shall call him... Logos,” Remus said, holding his new plush up. 

“Logos?” Logan raised an eyebrow. “Any reason why?”

“No reason,” Remus grinned. “Just thought it was a great name. Now I have a friend to join me when I change forms. An octopus for an octopus.”

“Do you really shift your form?” Logan asked. “Why an octopus?”

“It’s the animal I take after,” Remus shrugged. “It’s symbolic. Intrusive thoughts are like octopi. They cling to you like tentacles, ensnaring you and never letting go. Drowning you under the dark waves of your imagination... and no matter how hard you try to restrain them, they always find a way to get to you...”

“That... makes sense,” Logan mused. “So I am correct in saying that you exhibit octopus traits.”

“I do,” Remus said. “We dark sides tend to take after animals. Something to do with the way Thomas created us. Whether consciously or not...” he tossed his octopus into the air and then caught it. “But I’m not revealing the others. It’s a personal thing. Deeply personal...”

He paused, tilting his head as if considering something. Logan looked at him curiously, but said nothing. Remus hummed a bit, still playing with his stuffed animal, before he seemingly decided on something.

“But... perhaps you’ve earned something. For... for all the help you’ve given me.” 

“Remus, you do not need to repay me in any way,” Logan said, watching Remus stand up and remove his shirt. “What I did was out... of... what are you doing?”

Remus took a deep breath and then... his tentacles sprouted from his back. Logan gasped, staring at the sight before him. Remus had tentacles? Actual tentacles? He stood up and moved closer, examining the color of them. 

“May I?” Logan paused before he touched them. Remus smiled and nodded. 

The tentacle wrapped around Logan’s hand, letting him touch it. It was slimy and wet and strange, but it was also fascinating. It was glowing softly. Bioluminescence? Incredible! Logan found himself wondering how much Remus had latched onto his animal. What about the others? It was obvious what animal Janus took after, but what about Virgil? And how far did it go?

“This is amazing,” Logan said softly, reaching out to touch another tentacle. “I never knew you had these!”

“Few do,” Remus shrugged. “I figured it would freak the others out.”

“Are you kidding? These are beautiful,” Logan said. “The shades of green, the bioluminescence, the dexterity, the... clinginess.” He tried to remove the one that was wrapped around his hand, but it held firm, refusing to let go.

“I can shift into a full octopus,” said Remus. “Sometimes I'm small... but my true form is huge. Like the monsters from the old sailor stories. Ask Roman and he’ll tell you there’s a beast in his oceans that sink his ships. He has no idea it’s me.”

He giggled, and Logan found himself smiling. It was nice to see Remus like this. See him laughing and relaxed and looking like his old self again. Logan knew he still had a ways to go, but there was hope. So long as Remus smiled, there was hope.

Remus suddenly perked up and sniffed the air a few times.

“Dinner’s ready!” He said, sounding excited. “Shrimp with garlic Parmesan butter and potatoes! Patton actually cooked them!”

Ah... how easy it was to excite an octopus...


	7. Patton Uses His Dad Tone Again

It was a few days later, and things had become strained between Virgil and Patton. Virgil still didn’t want to accept Remus, and now Patton was being openly friendly with him. Patton had been making seafood as well as their regular dinners, taking the seafood up to Remus along with Logan’s dinner. Remus still didn’t want to join them and spent his time in Logan’s room. Patton assured Remus that he was welcome out in the open, but he could join them when he was ready.

Remus’s little smile had made Patton’s heart melt.

Virgil was now giving Patton the ultimate cold shoulder. Patton would try to engage him in conversation, but all of Virgil’s responses were short and clipped. Otherwise, Virgil spent time in his room or with his headphones on, ignoring Patton while he played on his phone. It hurt Patton to see Virgil like this, and he wanted it to end. But at the same time, he knew that to end it, he would have to reject Remus. Remus deserved his chance, and it wouldn’t be fair to reject him in favor of Virgil. So while Virgil bore his grudge, Patton carried on like normal.

He had found a friend in Janus at his acceptance, and so Patton spoke to him more. But Janus was in bad shape too. He was wracked by guilt over Remus’s negligence. Patton had been correct in assuming that it had been Janus to adopt the role of parent with the dark sides. After Virgil had left it had been just Janus and Remus. But Janus had left the moment Thomas accepted him, leaving Remus alone. Janus had been so caught up with his acceptance that he had forgotten about the other.

“How can I face him?” Janus sounded miserable, his cup of tea going cold. Patton rubbed Janus’s back, trying to comfort him. 

“You have to speak to him some time,” Patton said. “What you did was bad, but if you just keep avoiding him it’ll make it worse. You have to talk to him. Apologize. Tell the truth. That’s at least the first step to all this.”

“He must hate me,” Janus sniffled. “I wouldn’t blame him. I left him down there knowing he couldn’t take care of himself. I didn’t leave him any food, I didn’t check up on him, I didn’t care. I knew he couldn’t physically take care of himself, but I didn’t care. And he didn’t even know! All he knew is I was gone. How long did he wait for me to come back? Did he still think I would when Logan found him-”

“Janus!”

Janus flinched at Patton’s tone. The normally soft and caring tone was gone and instead there was a much firmer one. A Dad tone.

“Janus,” Patton sighed. “I get what you’re saying, and I sympathize. But sitting here and being miserable isn’t going to fix anything. You have to go to Remus and talk to him. Only then will you know how bad the damage is and how you can fix things with him. He may not want to see you right now, but you have to at least reach out and try. Show him that you love and care about him and let him decide when to talk to you.”

He pursed his lips.

“He’s very sad now. Logan is helping him get better, but I can tell he’s still sad. And it’s probably over you. Maybe he thinks you don’t care about him anymore because you won’t try to talk to him. I mean, he hasn’t seen you in like two months! I bet he’s missed you this whole time. And if you hurt him as much as you say you did, you have to do something. You can’t just sit around here and feel sorry for yourself.”

Janus blinked a few times. When had Patton become so... assertive. Usually he was calm and soft and gentle, he wouldn’t say these things. But he was right. Janus needed to make an effort and go see Remus. Even if it hurt, even if it made him feel worse, even if Remus said he never wanted to see him again, he had to do something.

“You’re right,” Janus said softly. “You’re right. I do need to do something about this, I can’t just sit here and do nothing. Is he still in Logan’s room?”

Patton nodded. 

“I think Logan is doing a lot of good for him,” he said. “He seems happier now. I’ve been making his favorites. Apparently he really likes seafood.”

“He does,” Janus chuckled. “I... well... I’m going to go see him. Maybe it won’t be so bad.”

“Good luck,” Patton smiled. “I’m rooting for you.”

Logan was working on his laptop. While he normally would sit at his desk to work, Remus seemed to be as clingy as his animal sake. And so Remus was lying with his head in Logan’s lap while Logan balanced the laptop on top of him. Logan had put on another documentary, this one about the Bubonic Plague.

“Imagine if this became a plague again,” Remus suddenly said. “A second Bubonic Plague wave. Would there be corpses littering the streets again? Would we be murdering rats by the dozens?”

“I highly doubt that could happen,” Logan said. “While the plague is still around, it’s easily preventable with antibiotics and basic hygiene. We don’t have to worry about a Bubonic Pandemic.”

“Hmm...” Remus mused. “Reminds me of my Infected Village. I made one for my kingdom. The people there have these huge boils on their skin and-”

He was interrupted by a knock on the door. 

“It’s too early for food,” Remus sat up and drew the blankets over himself, peeking out with only his eyes. “Who could it be?”

“Who is it?” Logan called. 

“It’s Roman.”

Remus let out a growl that sounded like an alligator.

“I don’t want to see him,” he said.

“Remus, I know you’re in there,” Roman said through the door. “I... I just wanted to talk. I want to apologize.”

Remus’s eyes widened, and he glanced at Logan. Logan shrugged.

“It’s up to you. I won’t let him in if you don’t want to talk to him,” he said.

Remus was silent for a few moments, deep in thought.

“Let him in,” he finally said, summoning his morning star.

Logan sighed and hoped his room would still be in one piece after this...


	8. Hero Complex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You didn't think it would be that easy, did you?

If Logan hadn’t already known this was Remus, he would never have recognized him.

It was jarring to see him this way. No longer the carefree Duke he’d presented himself as when he’d met Thomas. Now he was poised and formal, standing with power in his stance. He looked... regal. Even in casual clothing. And then him holding his morningstar at his side made him look very intimidating indeed.

“Uh...” Roman smiled nervously. “You... you didn’t have to get up,” he said.

“Is it not proper manners to stand in the presence of royalty?” Remus asked. “Greetings unto you, Prince Roman.”

Logan could have Thomas journey to the iciest reaches of the Arctic... and they would still encounter nothing colder than the tone Remus was using. Again, it was jarring. He had been speaking to Logan so happily and warmly...

“Why are you talking like that?” Roman asked. “Like... like we’re...”

“Because you have made it clear many times that there is no alliance between our kingdoms,” said Remus. “And you have also made it clear that we are not friends let alone family or brothers. As such, I am simply greeting you by the title your station holds...”

Roman chuckled nervously.

“Wow... you kinda sounds like Specs over there,” he said, chuckling again.

“Why would that be a bad thing?” Remus asked, gaze level and near burning. “Why would it be funny if I do?”

Roman’s chuckles died pretty quickly.

“I...um... it-it wouldn’t,” he said. “Wait, stop that. I just wanted to come here to apologize to you.”

“Apologize for what?” Remus raised an eyebrow and folded his arms, tapping his morningstar against his side.

“I... look...” Roman sighed. “I know I haven’t... always been the best brother to you. I’ve ignored you, I’ve insulted you, and... as you said I never forged an alliance between our kingdoms in the imagination. And I feel... bad about it. Logan pointed out our crimes against you and... it did take me a while to realize that I haven’t been a very good person to you. I wanted to apologize and hope that maybe going forward we could... fix this broken bridge between us and... be brothers again.”

Remus stared at Roman for a moment... then he burst out laughing. Roman looked confused as Remus did so, but Logan seemed to know what was happening. Remus tossed his morningstar onto Logan’s bed and sat down on it, still laughing at his brother.

“Why are you laughing?” Roman asked. Laughter was never a good sign.

“Roman, you are a liar,” Remus growled. “Your guilt doesn’t come from any sort of brotherly love or familial affection. You feel guilty because how can you call yourself a light side, a prince, or a hero if you’ve been neglecting your poor brother?”

“But Remus-”

“I’m going to ask a question, and I want an honest answer,” Remus bowled over Roman’s protest. “During that month that I was alone... did you... even once... ever think about me?”

Roman opened and closed his mouth a few times, struggling to find an answer. But Logan could see the dread in Roman’s eyes. They all knew the answer.

“I... no,” Roman finally said. “I didn’t.”

“And even when Logan was speaking to you all, you still had a few negative things to say about me,” Remus didn’t seem fazed. He'd expected that answer, as painful as it was. “So how can I believe that you want to have a relationship with me because you love me and not because you feel guilty that your stupid little hero complex got a boo boo?”

Roman wilted before them, looking defeated. Logan felt a little bad for him, but not much. He knew the complexities of the twins’ lives. He knew the complexities of the human mind. He knew that a simple apology was not going to be so readily accepted. Remus needed more. He needed to be able to trust Roman, and so far Roman had given him no reason to.

“I guess you can’t,” Roman said slowly. “But that’s not fair! You gave Patton a chance.”

Ah, and now Roman was digging his grave deeper.

“Patton’s mind is influenced by his moral compass,” said Remus. “Like how mine is influenced by the thoughts I’m forced to have. He cannot help it, and I can empathize with that. But he actually made an effort to get to know me and he’s actually been trying harder to include me and be friends with me.”

“But it’s hard to,” Roman growled. “The way you think and the things you do, and we have nothing in common between us except that we both have kingdoms to run. How can you expect me to build a bridge when there’s nothing there to build it with?”

“Did I not tell you that Remus cannot help it?” Logan spoke up for the first time. “He is the keeper of forbidden creativity, he cannot make the same things that you can. He has tried, and I have seen him try, but he cannot do it. And you hold him accountable for this as if it were his fault. Perhaps if you were as forgiving as a hero should be, things would not be this bad.”

“Oh, shut up, Logan!” Roman growled, turning his attention to the other. He soon found himself with Remus’s morningstar under his chin. Remus had moved so quickly that neither of them had seen him.

“Don’t you ever... **tell him to shut up,”** Remus snarled, venom dripping from every word. “You haven’t been kind to him either. None of you have. You’ve all just ignored him or dismissed him or mocked him. Logan is essential to Thomas, whether you guys think so or not. And I will not let you insult him anymore!”

Remus pushed on his morningstar, forcing Roman’s chin up, but he didn’t attack. He then went back to sitting on the bed, patting Logan’s shoulder in reassurance.

“When you were all calling me a monster and freaking out over me doing my job... it was Logan who calmed Thomas’s fears. When everyone abandoned me for something or other, it was Logan who brought me here. And it is Logan who is helping me regain my health and my mind. How funny that Logan is a far greater hero than you could ever hope to be, Roman.”

Roman felt rage at Remus’s words. He felt rage because he knew they were true.

“How can you take his side?” Roman asked. “He ignored you too.”

“I never really made an effort to connect to him, so the onus is on both of us,” said Remus. “But Logan never felt insulted by being compared to me. Logan never called me a funhouse mirror that shows you all the bad parts of yourself. And Logan... never told Thomas that he doesn’t like me. But guess who has done all of that...”

Roman glared at them. He opened his mouth to say something, but then he closed it. Without another word, he left the room, slamming the door behind him.

Remus let out a slow breath after Roman had left. He leaned forward and pressed his fingers into his hair, groaning softly. Logan reached out in concern, but Remus straightened up and moved to lean against Logan, clutching him tightly.

“Am... Am I really as bad as he says?” Remus asked softly. Logan felt his own swell of anger. If Roman undid any of Remus’s progress...

“No,” he finally said, pulling Remus closer. “No, you’re not.”


	9. Doctor, Doctor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus has his first appointment with Emile...

“I don’t like feelings,” said Remus. “Now I see why Logan wants to pretend he has none...”

He was sitting in Dr. Picani’s office, clutching an Oogie Boogie plush. Emile had set it out for him to hold on to, knowing how much Oogie Boogie was Remus’s favorite Disney villain. Emile wrote something on his notepad as he listened to Remus.

“I wasn’t always like this,” Remus sounded frustrated. “When Roman and I first split, we were still close afterwards. Virgil and I were close too. But as time went on... and we learned who the good twin and the bad twin was... I realized I could either own my abilities or let them hurt me. So I became The Duke. I did whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and I enjoyed every minute of it. But Roman didn’t like what I did, and... he left. He stopped coming by to play and... stopped talking to me too.”

He sighed, rubbing his fingers against the soft fabric of Oogie Boogie’s squishy body.

“So I turned my attentions to Virgil and Jannie. Jannie knew how to deal with me, but Virgil did not,” Remus continued. “Virgil became scared of me, and... I don’t blame him. I played pranks and jokes on him that weren’t very funny. I scared him lots of times on purpose. I was... I was mean and cruel to him. I’d let him think I was going to turn Thomas into a serial killer or make him do something stupid that would kill him. And... I’m pretty sure that’s why Virgil left the moment the others accepted him. So for a long time it was just me and Jannie. Things weren’t great, but they weren’t bad either. We had each other, and Jannie took care of me because he knows I can’t take care of myself. I literally can’t.”

Remus took a deep breath, suddenly feeling angry.

“I knew the light sides would never accept me, but I thought I’d always have Jannie. He promised he’d never leave. It was right after Virgil left, he promised he’d never leave me because he knows I cannot survive or be left on my own. But he did. He left me anyway to chase after his acceptance and he left me all alone. And my thoughts just got worse and worse and nothing I did helped to block them out. And then my food ran out so I was always hungry. And all I could do was wonder why I had to be the one who became the villain. Why did I have to be the one who can’t make anything good? Why does Roman get to be the hero?!”

The Oogie Boogie plush came apart in Remus’s hands, showering the ground with fluff and fabric. Emile put down his notepad and reached out to pat Remus’s shoulder.

“Deep breaths, Remus,” he said warmly. “Deep breaths. It’s ok to be jealous. It’s ok to be angry. But you cannot let it consume you like this. Is this why you rejected Roman’s apology?”

He waved his hand and the Oogie Boogie plush remade itself, sitting back in Remus’s lap. Remus took a few deep breaths, grounding himself with the plush and Emile’s touch.

“I don’t want him to apologize because he feels guilty,” said Remus. “I want him to apologize because he’s sorry that he hurt me. He’s just... his head is stuck so far up his ass. He’s always been that way, and I know some part of him can’t help it, but he’s not... it’s not like Virgil or Patton. Or maybe is it, and I’ve been the asshole this whole time. Ugh...” he let himself flop sideways onto the couch, his legs dangling over the side. “Dammit! Why does everything have to be so complicated? I want to go back to the days when all I had to do was push a few thoughts into Thomas’s head and talk about butts...”

Emile wrote something else on his notepad.

“You said you don’t blame Virgil if he doesn’t come to accept you,” he said. “Which is good because Virgil’s feelings are just as valid as yours. If he doesn’t like you, he is entitled to that. The same can be said of the others, so... you might be waiting a long time for Roman’s apology.”

“I don’t-” Remus sighed. “I didn’t care before because I still had Jannie. I still had someone who loved me, so I didn’t need Virgil or Roman.”

“What changed?” Emile asked.

“I must be a pretty big asshole if no one thought about me for over a month,” said Remus. “And Jannie must not love me as much as I thought. I mean... it was a bad thing that Jannie did, right? To just... leave me there when he knows I can’t be left alone?”

“It was,” Emile agreed. “It was bad. If Janus promised that he would never leave you, then he shouldn’t have. And at the very least he should have checked on you.”

Remus thought back to those days when he’d been alone. He could still taste moldy and bug infested food when he wasn’t careful. He could still remember those nights when his thoughts got so bad that he destroyed everything around him. He could still feel the tears on his face while he sobbed and begged anyone listening for Janus to return.

It had been literal Hell. For all the times Remus had spoken about it, he’d never known he’d actually experience Hell. But he could think of no other way to describe it. And then when Logan came to him and brought him to his room... Remus could swear he’d seen a halo and wings on Logan that night. A light in his darkness, a savior! 

Logan had been so good to him for no reason. He had nothing to gain from any of this. He had no ulterior motive. He helped Remus for the sake of helping him. It was a shock to receive kindness from a stranger when his only family had abandoned him. And Logan hadn’t even done the bare minimum, he was giving Remus as much help as he needed. He’d fed him, clothed him, washed him, helped him with his thoughts, and he’d been the one to arrange this appointment with Emile. Remus would always be grateful to him.

Maybe he could erect a library in Logan’s name. Put it in a good spot in his kingdom in the Imagination. Logan would like that, right?

“Remus?”

Remus blinked and looked at Emile.

“Did you go away for a bit?” Emile smiled. “I was asking about how well Logan has been treating you. You mentioned that he’s the one taking care of you now. How have things been with him?”

Remus smiled, and it was the most genuine smile Emile had ever seen on him.

“He’s wonderful,” Remus said. “I... I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank him for all he’s done. He cooked me food, he keeps me clean, he let me wear his clothes. I never knew how nice his clothes smelled, but they smell really good. He says it’s something he puts in the washing machine to make them smell so good. Anyway, he also helps me with my thoughts. Just last night I had a fit where I couldn’t stop talking about lobotomies and he calmly and patiently answered all my questions and helped me until they stopped. Like... Like how Jannie used to do. I... I really care about him, Emile. He’s been so nice to me and he doesn’t have to. He’s not family, he wasn’t even a friend, but... but he was the one who saved me. I... I almost wish he was my brother instead of Roman...”

Remus felt guilty for saying that... but it was the truth.


	10. An Octopus's Garden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Logan talk about his session with Emile

When Remus came back from his appointment, Logan was in his room reading.

“How did it go?” He asked.

Remus’s response was to walk by him without a word and go into the bathroom. Logan heard the water start running in the bath and sighed. He’d come to learn that Remus would soak in the tub as a form of self care. It was why Logan had expanded the bath tub and added a few bath bombs and bubble baths for Remus to use. Sure, it tended to make a glittery mess, but it also made Remus happy.

Logan was content to let Remus have some time to himself, but he was still worried. Remus didn’t do well alone, and Logan had a feeling that he needed someone. He’d been abandoned once, and Logan did not plan on doing it himself. So he marked his place in his book and walked over to knock on the bathroom door.

“Remus? May I please come in?”

He waited for a moment until he heard Remus give him permission to enter. Logan opened the door and stepped into the steamy room. How Remus enjoyed such hot water, Logan would never know. Still, he closed the door behind himself to not let any out.

Remus had filled the tub up to the very brim, water sloshing out when he moved. He also had a thick layer of green glittery bubbles on the surface of the water. Obviously he had used one of the bath bombs...

Remus himself was slumped over the side of the tub.

“Emile thinks I’m jealous of Roman,” Remus grumbled, not looking up from his slump.

“Are you?” Logan asked, sitting down on a towel to keep dry from the water on the floor.

“I used to be,” Remus looked up, propping himself up to make it easier to look at Logan. “I dunno if I still am. It was after the split. When the whole good twin bad twin bullshit started. We had our families and we had our sides of the Imagination... and I thought what I could do was pretty cool. But then Thomas started getting into trouble for listening to me, so he stopped. He’d only listen to Roman. I couldn’t do the things Roman could. I couldn’t make the pretty things he could. I couldn’t take Thomas on adventures. I couldn’t even make food for myself like Roman could! He had Thomas’s love... and I didn’t. And I became jealous. It wasn’t fair to me...”

He sighed again.

“But are you still jealous of him?” Logan asked.

“I dunno,” Remus shrugged. “I don’t imagine he’d get abandoned for a month... But then I have something he doesn’t.”

“And what’s that?” Logan asked.

“I have you.” Remus reached up and booped Logan’s nose. “I’ll always be grateful for what you did for me. You didn’t have to, but you did. You checked on me, you fed me, you made sure I was ok. And even now, you have me talking to Emile. But I feel like that’s gonna be the hardest of all. Still... I really want to thank you for all you’ve done.”

Logan felt himself blush a bit at Remus’s words. Remus was often brutally honest, so he knew that Remus wasn’t lying. No one had ever thanked Logan like this before. Sure, Thomas and others had thanked him, but no one had ever made it sound like Logan saved their life. Though it was a grim thought that perhaps Logan had saved Remus’s life...

“Well... did you learn anything in your appointment?” Logan asked, quickly changing the subject.

“Yeah,” said Remus. “Emotions are hard. It’s probably why I repress them. I slap on a big fake smile and hide the rest from the world. That way I don’t have to talk about them or deal with them. I can just pretend they don’t exist...”

His tone had a false and sarcastic cheerfulness to it that Logan picked up on. He wanted to say something, but he knew he was in no position to lecture Remus about emotions considering how Logan did the same thing Remus apparently did. Granted, Remus was much better at it than Logan was.

Or... or maybe no one ever really took the time to think that Remus could be faking his smile...

“Talking is hard,” Remus began to slip beneath the water, causing more to overflow. “I don’t want to anymore. Times like these...”

He disappeared beneath the green water, and Logan leapt up in concern. But then he saw the dark form of Remus shifting and changing. When he finally surfaced, Logan could see he was in his octopus form.

“I wish I could just be an octopus.”

Logan flinched, hearing Remus’s voice directly in his head. Remus had wrapped one of his tentacles around Logan’s wrist, and the tentacle glowed bright green where it touched him.

“I.. How are you...?”

“I’m Intrusive Thoughts, Lolo,” he heard Remus's voice again as the octopus looked up at him. “Keyword there is ‘thoughts’. I can project my thoughts right into someone else's mind. I do it a lot when I don’t feel like talking. Guess I should have warned you...”

“Fascinating,” Logan sat back down, other hand reaching up to pet the top of Remus’s slimy new head. “I didn’t know telepathy was a talent of yours. Though... I suppose it makes sense. But you seem to be missing someone.”

Logan summoned Remus’s octopus plush, and Remus’s eyes widened as he grabbed it with his other tentacles and held it close. He did a little wriggle that reminded Logan of the wriggles he did when he was happy.

“Emile also said that... if I’m really certain that the others won’t accept me... then maybe I should cut them out of my life,” Remus said softly. “But I don’t know if I want to. Feels like... giving up.”

“It wouldn’t be giving up,” said Logan. “It would be taking care of yourself. If someone is hurting you that much and you don’t see any benefit to keeping them around, then... letting them go sounds like a good idea. Do you want to let them go?”

“I dunno about Virgil and Roman. I mean... I was pretty shitty to them in the past and I feel like they’re not going to suddenly start hugging me and telling me how great I am, but at the same time I would like to make amends somehow because Emile said it might be a good idea if they’ll let me. But even then, I don’t think they’d let me,” Remus sighed. “And I want Jannie back. I love Jannie a lot, he was like a mother to me all these years. But... But I’m afraid I’ll just forgive him and take him back right away. I want him to know that he hurt me and that it’s not ok and Emile even said that it’s not ok, so it really must not be ok. But at the same time, I don’t want to ruin anything with him because I still care about him.”

“It’s understandable,” Logan said, petting Remus’s head. Remus closed his eyes and actually made a soft purring sound. “It’s very difficult to initiate conflict with the people we care about because we don’t want to potentially ruin the relationship we have with them. But this is not something that you can just sweep under a rug. It would be beneficial to you both if you told Janus how you feel and how he hurt you. If you don’t it can cause an underlying anger and resentment that can build up slowly over time and make things worse in the long run. If you feel that you need help, I can be there with you when you talk to him. Or you can both go to Emile if you want professional help. Emile is a good mediator, and a neutral party is always good to have to keep emotions from running too high.”

Remus was silent for a few minutes as he thought it over.

“I mean... that does sound like a good idea. But Jannie hasn’t even come to talk to me yet,” he said.

“You know Janus doesn’t like to rush into things,” Logan pointed out. “He’s probably figuring out the best way to speak to you and all the things he wants to say.”

“I guess that’s true,” Remus groaned. “Damn emotions. Why do they have to be so hard?”

Logan couldn’t help but chuckle at Remus’s words.

“I could answer that, but how about a deal instead? I know this is a difficult task to go alone, so I offer you my companionship. If you keep going to Emile and promise to stop repressing your emotions... then I will go to Emile as well and learn to stop repressing my own. Repressing your feelings is not good for your mental health. Do we have a deal?”

He held out his hand. After a moment, Remus wrapped a tentacle around it and shook it.

“Deal,” he said. “But I still think it would be better to just be an octopus.”

Logan smiled and went back to petting Remus’s head.

 _“I’d like to be,”_ he started to sing softly. _“Under the sea._  
 _In an octopus’s garden in the shade._  
 _He'd let us in, knows where we've been_  
 _In his octopus' garden in the shade_  
 _I'd ask my friends to come and see_  
 _An octopus' garden with me.”_


	11. A Bawl with a Prince

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why is Roman in Emile's office?

“I’m surprised to see you here,” Emile beamed. “You’ve always rejected my help in the past.”

Roman grumbled on the couch, body language doing all it could to show how much he didn’t want to be there.

“Patton made me come,” he muttered. “Said it would help me. I didn’t come here of my own free will.”

“Oh,” Emile blinked. “Well, if that’s the case... you’re welcome to leave.”

“Huh?” Roman blinked. “You’re just gonna let me leave?”

“With a few exceptions, you should never force someone into therapy,” Emile explained. “Sometimes it can make things even worse. Patients should want to be helped. Otherwise, they’ll just throw up more and more walls as a defense method. So, you can go if you want...”

Roman’s eyes widened. He couldn’t leave. Patton would know and then he’d be upset. And then Roman would be the bad guy for making him upset!

“I... well... maybe we don’t have to do any therapy,” Roman said slowly. “Maybe we can just... talk?”

Emile chuckled at Roman’s words.

“Sure, we can talk,” he said. “What did you want to talk about? Anything interesting happen lately?”

“Everything happened,” Roman grumbled again. “That... snake was accepted and now Thomas is listening to him and everyone’s saying it’s good that he’s here even though he’s undoing all of our hard work in making Thomas a good person.”

“Something I never understood,” said Emile. “I can always tell when mental health is on the decline, but instead of focusing on that, you all just focus on whether or not Thomas is a good person. And none of you realize that the concepts of good and evil are so vague and impossible to give criteria to that you’re doing more harm than good trying to force Thomas into it.”

“What do you mean?” Roman asked.

“Good and evil aren’t... they aren’t sweaters that you can put on someone. One size does not fit all, and actually one size fits no one. The world around us, and the world within us are far too complex to try to fit into little boxes of black and white.” Emile paused. “And the more you try to do that... the more complex everything becomes.”

“Good and evil are simple concepts,” Roman argued. “If you do something evil then you are evil. If you do something good, then you are good.”

“Hmmm... but who decides what is good and what is evil?” Emile tilted his head.

“It’s obvious!” said Roman. “Like... killing people is wrong. So killing people makes you evil.”

“Ah...” Emile mused. “So Mulan is evil.”

“What?” Roman blinked.

“Well... if I remember the movie correctly, Mulan had a very impressive body count. Not only did she kill Shan Yu, she killed all but a small handful of his army. And then we have the matter of Prince Eric killing Ursula, Prince Phillip killing Maleficent, The Beast killing Gaston-”

“That’s different!” Roman snapped. “Those were heroes killing villains.”

“But you just said that killing people makes you evil,” Emile pointed out. “So by that logic, those people are evil.”

“It doesn’t make you evil if you kill someone bad,” said Roman.

“Ah...” Emile smiled. “So we cannot put that one in one of your black and white boxes.”

“Ok, then what about stealing?” Roman said. “Stealing things makes you evil.”

“Oh, so now our dear friend Aladdin is evil,” said Emile. “After all, he had a whole song about how he steals things.”

“He stole because he couldn’t afford food!” Roman argued.

“But you just said-”

**“STOP TWISTING MY WORDS!”**

Roman had leapt to his feet, roaring and pointing his sword at Emile. His expression was thunderous, rage boiling in his veins. How dare Emile try to twist his words? How dare Patton and Thomas take Janus’s side? How dare they decide that... that...

That they had been wrong in trying to do the right thing...

“Roman...” Emile said gently. He tapped Roman’s sword, and it vanished. “Please sit down.”

Roman numbly did so, not knowing what else to do.

“I understand that this has all been very jarring,” Emile continued, keeping his tone warm and patient. “I do. And I don’t think you’re angry as much as you’re scared. Your whole world has changed and you’re struggling to put it back the way it was, but you can’t. You can either embrace the change, or continue to wander around lost. It’s like I said, the world is very complex and you cannot fit it into a simple black and white narrative. You’re always talking about being full rainbow, well so is the world around you. Everything is a bright and colorful rainbow just waiting to be explored and enjoyed.”

Roman thought on his words. In truth... he was scared. Everything had changed so quickly, not giving him any time to react or try to stop it. But should he have stopped it even if he’d had the chance? Maybe not. Thomas had been doing better ever since Janus started helping. More people were being listened to and Thomas was taking the breaks he needed.

It seemed... better. And Roman hated that it had taken someone they’d all deemed a villain to show them how things could have been. Was he truly angry that Thomas had taken Janus’s side? Or was he angry that in that moment Janus had been the hero and not him? He was Thomas’s ego, and he worked hard to keep Thomas confident. But in doing so, in making sure that he would be a good person... perhaps they had hurt him instead.

“I... I’ve always been Thomas’s hero,” Roman said softly. “But now... now I don’t think I am. I want to be his hero again, but I don’t know how. Everything’s changed so much and I... I don’t know what to do. About anything. I’m just... I’m scared and-and confused, and...”

He hadn’t realized he’d started crying until Emile was holding a tissue box out to him. Roman took one and wiped his eyes.

“Roman,” Emile said. “These are signs of psychological trauma. And with everything that has happened, I’m not surprised. You’ve been though a lot in such a little amount of time that you haven’t had the chance to come to terms or understand anything. Your mind and body are both reeling from your experience, and... ignoring these things will not make them magically go away. I can help you with them.”

“Heroes don’t have mental problems,” said Roman.

“Ooh.” Emile inhaled sharply. “Sorry, but I have to disagree. Elsa showed signs of depression and anxiety. Ariel showed signs of Disposophia. Even Steven from Steven Universe showed signs of PTSD. Having mental illness does not keep you from being a hero, Roman. If anything, asking for help with it... makes you even more of one.”

Roman sniffled. Could Emile be right? Could he ask for help and still be a hero? Would the others think less of him? Would they mock him and think him weak?

No...

Roman knew they wouldn’t. But there was that lingering fear in the back of his mind. Oh, but what hero let themselves fall to such fears? Roman was stronger than that. He'd show them there was no shame in asking for help.

“Don’t make any decisions now,” Emile interrupted his thoughts. “I’d say you have a lot to think about. Take a few days to do so and let me know. We’ll make an appointment then. Sound good?”

Roman didn’t trust himself to speak, so he just nodded.

“You’re doing a good thing, Roman,” Emile smiled. “I can assure you that taking care of yourself is good. And when you take care of yourself, it can also help your relationship with others.”

Roman’s eyes widened slightly as a familiar voice echoed through his memory.

_“You must put on your own oxygen mask before helping others with theirs.”_


	12. The Healing Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story was supposed to be done six chapters ago. XD And how has it gotten so many comments?!

Roman had been going to see Emile for three days now. Emile granted him anywhere from an hour to two to talk. Roman felt guilty for taking up so much of Emile’s time, but Emile had always assured him that it was no trouble at all. 

Which made Roman wonder what Emile even did when he wasn’t in his office... 

But during that time, Roman had trouble. It was hard for him to let himself be vulnerable. He was so used to being the fierce hero or perfect prince, that he’d rarely let himself be vulnerable around the others. Emile was slowly helping him chip away at the toxic walls he’d built around himself. When they fell, then Roman could build better walls that were healthier. Or so Emile said. 

Either way, Roman had yet to tell anyone. He’d ignored Patton’s questions after the first session, speed walking past him and into his room to think. After that, Patton had stopped asking so there was no way for him to know if Roman was still going or not. Virgil had no clue to even the first session, and neither did Janus. But Roman could tell that Janus was probably going to be next to be forced into a session. Patton’s eyes always lingered on Janus the longest, taking in the dark shadows around his eyes, the duller color of his scales, and the empty gaze he had. 

Roman could tell that Janus was still beating himself up over Remus being abandoned. 

Emile hadn’t been making it easy for Roman. Roman was so certain there was a right and wrong answer to all this, but Emile was adamant that there wasn’t. When Roman defended himself for not having a good relationship with Remus, Emile assured him that his feelings were valid and he should not be expected to associate with people that made him uncomfortable or hurt him. When Roman asked Emile if he was bad because of what he’d done in the past, Emile assured him that it hadn’t been done out of any sort of malice or bad intentions. 

“We are all trying to find our way in this confusing world, and there are many paths we can take. It’s easy to choose a path that we think is better than the others. Sometimes that path doesn’t work out. Is it our fault for choosing it? No. We had no way of knowing how it would end. Granted, there are times when we know how the path will end and we choose it even though it will end badly. But even that can depend on so many different things. You can hardly blame yourself for going in the wrong direction if you have no map or compass to guide you...” 

Emile had an answer for everything, but it made things no less confusing. Things were no longer black and white, but Roman had yet to get over his colorblindness... 

And that was what led to now. Roman was sitting at the table with Patton, Virgil, and Janus. Logan and Remus were still taking meals in Logan’s room. Patton seemed to be doing better. He would visit them every day to talk and make sure they were ok. He was still a little unnerved by some of the things Remus said, but he was getting better. Virgil hadn’t seemed to change much. He was still as broody and quiet as he usually was, but he was also still ignoring Patton. Normally, Roman would be on his side, but after a few sessions with Emile, Virgil’s behavior was starting to anger him. 

Roman pushed his food around his plate. He wasn’t very hungry lately, and neither was Janus. Virgil ate everything on his plate and then put it in the sink before leaving the room. Patton was slowly eating his own food, struggling to find something to talk about and get rid of the awkward silence. Roman could feel that in his very bones. Emile stressed the importance of communication. 

“I’ve started therapy with Emile!” Roman burst out. Sometimes ripping it off like a band aid was the best solution. The other two stared for a moment before Patton smiled. 

“That’s wonderful, Roman,” he said. “I’m very proud of you.” 

“Agreed,” said Janus. He seemed thankful for the conversation. “Therapy is one of the best forms of self care.” 

“You...” Roman glanced between them. “You don’t think it’s... wrong? Or that it... makes me weak?” 

“Of course not.” Patton frowned. “Nothing wrong with asking for help. We all need it sometimes. It’s why I asked you to go in the first place and I’m glad you stuck to it. Emile is really good at what he does and I’ve heard nothing but good things about him from Remus.” 

Roman couldn’t describe the relief he felt. He wondered if this is how it would feel to remove the world from Atlas’s shoulders. His fork fell from shaking fingers, clanging against his plate and landing in his mashed potatoes and gravy. 

“Oh Roman...” Patton reached over and lightly squeezed Roman’s shoulder. “Kiddo, did you think it’s bad to ask for help? Did we make you feel that way? Oh, I’m so sorry, Roman. I’m trying to fix all the mistakes I made and I didn’t even realize that I might have had something to do-” 

“It... it wasn’t just you,” said Roman. “It was me too. Emile is... helping me unlearn all the bad habits I have. And... apparently one of them is this urge to always appear as the strong and independent hero. I’m learning that it’s ok if you... if you need someone else to be the hero sometimes. But, it does make me feel a lot better to hear you apologize and support my therapy.” 

He smiled. It was a genuine smile, not an actor’s smile. Janus saw it very quickly and managed one of his own. Self Preservation always felt better when the others were taking care of themselves, after all. 

“And Janus...” Roman turned his attention towards the other. “I... I’d like to apologize. I’ve been... vilifying you all these years because I was too lost and misguided and... dare I say... too prideful to think that you also have Thomas’s best interests at heart and you also could be one of his heroes. I’ve said some rather unforgivable things out of anger and insecurity and jealousy, and I hope that I can make it up to you one day.” 

Janus’s grip on his fork was nearly tight enough to turn his knuckles white. Roman was apologizing? And to him of all people? He must be dreaming. This must be a dream. Roman would never... 

But he did. He was. He was sitting right here and showing a new part of himself. One that reminded Janus so much of Remus. All those times Remus would look to Janus for love, for approval, for reassurance. And now Roman was doing the same. This... this was a good thing. Right? 

“I...” They were both looking at him. Patton with a smile and Roman with that look in his eyes. That look that begged for kindness. For forgiveness. Janus cleared his throat and loosened his grip on his fork. 

“I understand why you did what you did,” said Janus. “I don’t excuse it, but I do understand it. And... perhaps I did... bite back a bit. I manipulated you, I belittled you, I played you as a fool. And I did this many times. We are both at fault and you deserve an apology from me just as much. Perhaps we could... wipe the slate clean and start over. And from now on we will treat each other with the respect that we deserve. How does that sound?” 

“I... I’d like that,” Roman smiled. “I would really like that. A clean slate for us both.” 

Patton happily squealed. 

“This is good!” He gushed. “Apologies and communication! You know you can’t heal anything until you apologize for it and I bet things are going to get much better around here now. But... there’s still someone you both owe an apology to.” 

He gave a very pointed look at the stairs and then looked back at them. 

Roman and Janus glanced at each other and nodded. 

“I... I can’t face him alone,” Janus said softly. 

“Me neither. We both messed up,” Roman picked his fork back up. “Let’s... we’ll do it together. Tomorrow. I need to think about what to say and you probably do too. We'll go up there tomorrow and apologize to him.” 

Patton clapped his hands together. His family was coming back together...


	13. Cookies and Milk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton and Virgil have a talk...
> 
> (Also, you guys having these in depth discussions in the comments? PLEASE keep it up. I love the things you guys are saying. And it's fun to learn new things too. XD)

“Virgil?” Patton knocked awkwardly, trying to balance the items in his hands. “Kiddo, can I come in please?”

Virgil looked up from his phone, slumped over his bed. He glared at the door, feeling his panic build up. He knew what Patton wanted to do. Wanted to talk about _him_ again. God, as if Virgil didn’t have enough tremors in his hands these days...

“Virgil, please?” Patton tried again. “I... I wanted to talk about how sorry I am.”

Virgil’s breath hitched, getting stuck halfway up his throat. He coughed, swallowing and taking a deep breath. Patton wanted to apologize? About what? Well, Virgil hoped he was going to apologize for something in particular, but he wasn’t the type to get his hopes up. Still... maybe it was his lucky day.

“Come in,” Virgil called out, setting his phone aside and taking off his headphones.

Patton slowly opened the door and shuffled in. His hands were full with a tall glass of milk and a plate of cookies. Oh, but not just any cookies. They were the slice and bake Halloween cookies. The kind where half didn’t it make it to the oven before being devoured raw. Virgil’s brows furrowed as he glanced between Patton and the plate. He knew this was apology fuel, but for what?

Patton set the plate and glass on Virgil’s desk and then took a deep breath. He looked... nervous. And sad. Virgil felt a pang of guilt in his gut, but he pushed it aside. Now was not the time to give in...

“Virgil,” Patton suddenly said. “I... I wanted to apologize. I haven’t been very fair to you lately.”

Virgil tilted his head slightly, eyes widening. He said nothing and let Patton continue.

“This family isn’t ok,” Patton continued. “It hasn’t been ok for a long time. But I... I chose to ignore it because it was just the easy thing to do at the time. And in doing so... we all got hurt. We... we started bottling up our emotions and hiding when we were hurt and... and generally just hurting ourselves as much as each other. And I knew something was wrong, but I was too scared to point it out. I just kept smiling and pushing my own negativity away so that I could keep pretending that everything was fine.”

Patton slowly moved over and sat on the edge of the bed. He gave Virgil space, but Virgil didn’t move any further away. Patton took that as a good sign.

“The point I’m trying to say is... ever since Janus was accepted, things had gotten worse,” said Patton. “And I could no longer ignore it. For someone who claims to be Deceit, he sure does show you the ugly truth sometimes.” Patton paused as he remembered a familiar voice singing about the ugliness within someone. He shook his head. “I couldn’t stop seeing everyone’s pain. I knew everyone was hurting in some way, but I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to fix it. So when... when some of us started showing signs of recovery, I wanted to go back to pretending that everything was ok. And in doing so... I hurt you.”

Virgil felt his heart rate accelerating. No way. No way was Patton apologizing to him. After the shitty way he’d been treating Patton- No. Do not think that. Remember what Emile used to say...

“I tried to force you accept Remus,” said Patton. “Even though he used to hurt you. And he told me that. He told me about what he used to do, and... he doesn’t blame you If you never want to see him again. It’s part of why he’s been hiding out in Logan’s room, I think. But I neglected your feelings in favor of his. I guess I felt I owed it to him because of how badly I’d treated him, and I should never have done that. Your feelings are just as valid, and I should never have tried to force you to accept Remus. I don’t know your history with him all too well, but even then it shouldn’t matter. You decide who you want in your life...”

He glanced over, and Virgil could see that he was tearing up.

“I know I lost your trust,” Patton said softly. “And I know I was wrong. So... I’m going to do all I can to make it up to you. Or not. If you just... never want to talk to me again I’ll understand. But... I have been missing hearing you talk. You always did have such a strange sense of humor...”

Virgil was nearly too lost in his thoughts to listen anymore. All these years and so few people had ever validated his feelings. Janus had understood and did what he could, but there wasn’t much one could do against Remus. Remus himself had hurt and scared Virgil under the guise of funny jokes and pranks. Sure, because almost burying Virgil alive was _so_ funny. Putting bugs in Virgil’s breakfast was _hilarious._ Making Virgil’s bed turn into a ravenous monster _while he was sleeping was the epitome of comedy._

Virgil had been so mad when Patton had asked him to accept Remus into his life. Virgil knew he’d have to choose between standing up for himself or Patton, and this was the hill he was willing to die on. He hated how he’d treated Patton, but he knew he had to make the other understand. He had to make Patton understand that he was angry and hurt by his actions. Even though guilt had been eating away at Virgil, he’d done all he could to ignore it.

But now it seemed that Patton finally understood and was ready to make amends. But Virgil’s anxiety was too great for things to just go back to normal. Any thought of sharing a living area with Remus was enough to make him hide under the blankets in his bed. Remus was hiding in Logan’s room for now, but for how much longer? What would Virgil do if he came down for breakfast one morning to see Remus sitting at the table? What if Patton invited Remus to a family movie night?

“Virgil?” Patton was suddenly much closer. “Virgil, breathe with me, ok? Count with me. I’m right here for you.”

Virgil did his breathing exercises and managed to push through as the wave of anxiety decreased. He was still shaking a bit, hands trembling in Patton’s grasp. Patton ran his thumbs over Virgil’s knuckles in a comforting motion.

“I’m so sorry it took me this long to realize,” Patton whispered. “To see that I was hurting you. I promise... we’ll figure out what to do. I won’t invalidate your feelings again to cover up my own guilt.”

Virgil was quiet. He didn’t feel like talking. He didn’t send Patton away, though. He let Patton stroke his hair and rub his back and do all the little things that Virgil liked.

The cookies and milk were pretty good too.


	14. Janus's Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had my first therapy session today, and it went well. Gave me motivation to write this chapter out really quick. I'm glad you guys are enjoying this story and that you like Emile's sessions. I don't know a thing about psychology or psychiatry so if I get anything wrong, please let me know.

After his talk with Virgil, Patton found Janus stuck at the kitchen table, surrounded by crumpled pieces of paper. Patton gave him a concerned look as he passed, heading to the rest of the cookies. Janus looked frazzled. Hair in disarray, sleeves rolled up, gloves missing. It showed that there were scales on his body as well as his face, but Patton was too concerned to comment on it. 

Patton placed two cookies on a plate and placed it in front of Janus as he sat down. 

“You ok?” He asked. “You look like you could use some help...” 

“I’m just trying to figure out what to say in my apology,” Janus sighed. “I have a lot to say and I don’t want to leave anything out...” 

“Should you really be overthinking it?” Patton asked. “Practice too much and it might not sound real.” 

Janus was silent for a moment before he pushed the crumpled paper to the floor. He leaned back with another sigh, rubbing his hands down his face. Patton was right. Remus had an ear for things like that. If Janus thought about it too much, it wouldn’t sound sincere. 

“I know apologies can be difficult,” Patton pushed the plate of cookies closer to Janus. “I just had one with Virgil.” 

Janus’s eyes widened and he slumped in his seat. 

“Damn... I’ll need to apologize to Virgil too,” he finally picked up a cookie and bit into it. 

“I have been curious,” Patton said slowly, setting two cookies on his own plate. “I’ve never seen Virgil so... aggressive towards someone. Even when him and Roman didn’t get along, it wasn’t so bad. Why is he so... angry with you?” 

Janus again was silent, slowly chewing his bite of cookie. He suddenly looked very tired, near exhausted. Patton felt as if he was finally seeing the real Janus. All these years as Thomas’s self preservation, living with the others, perhaps it had been harder than Patton thought. He had been tired out enough raising Roman and Logan. But they were different from Virgil and Remus. 

“You’re a father,” Janus finally said. “And you’re a father to multiple children. Perhaps you can understand that it can sometimes be difficult to give them the same amount of attention at the same time.” 

Patton nodded. He understood. 

“Virgil and Remus... both need lots of attention for different reasons. Remus needs attention to help keep him grounded and to keep him from doing anything destructive. Virgil needs attention to keep him calm and prevent panic attacks. At least, that’s the bulk of it,” Janus continued. “I tried my hardest to give them as much attention as I could. But no matter what I tried, Remus... usually ended up with more. Both of them negatively affect Thomas, and I tried to keep them both happy so that they wouldn’t as much. I was afraid of what you guys might do if Thomas became too anxious or started spouting bad thoughts. And I didn’t exactly have any other support...” 

Patton winced. That had been his fault. He’d been so obsessed with keeping Thomas on the right path that his bias had bled over into Roman. Logan had remained objective enough, and that was probably why he’d been the one to check on Remus. 

“Anyway, Virgil began to suffer from my actions,” Janus started on his second cookie. “It made him mad that I didn’t pay attention to him as much as Remus, and I don’t blame him. I really did try to give him what he needed, but... Remus always seemed to need more and I was worried over what might happen if he was left alone for too long. Before he ducked out and you all accepted him, Remus had been going through a very very rough time and I had run myself ragged in trying to keep him in check. Virgil was having his own bad day and asked me for help. I...” Janus dropped his cookie and covered his face with his hands, sounding to be on the verge of tears. 

Patton moved closer and slid his arm around Janus’s shoulders. He had a good idea of what Janus was about to say. He’d had troubles like these before, and he’d done things he shouldn’t have as well. He wasn’t about to judge Janus for his misdeeds, it wasn’t his place. 

“I-I snapped at him,” Janus sounded distraught. “I unleashed all my frustrations and all my stress on him and I hate myself for it. He was... he looked so heartbroken. I said such horrible things to him that weren’t true, and I pushed him away!” 

He choked on his sobs and scrubbed at his eyes. Patton handed him the nearby tissue box and pat his back as Janus continued to sob. Patton was happy that Janus saw his actions as wrong because they were. No matter how stressed or angry someone is, they should never take it out on someone innocent. Anger only helps us understand someone’s actions, but it never excuses them. 

“I’m sure you did your best,” Patton said softly. “But you were very wrong in what you did to Virgil. You should have a talk with him.” 

“I tried,” Janus said. “I’ve tried to talk to him so many times, but he won’t let me. He would just go to his room and lock the door every time. So I... eventually I just gave up. He was with you guys and he seemed happy. No sense in ruining it for him.” 

Patton shook his head, moving Janus so that they were facing each other. 

“You can’t give up,” said Patton. “I know you still care about him. I know you still love him. And maybe deep down he still cares for you too. But you have to talk to him and you have to apologize and let him know that you are going to do whatever you can to make it up to him. I just did that and it... well, it didn’t go as great as I hoped, but he let me say my piece and he seems to understand. Now it’s your turn to do it.” 

“I...” Janus sniffled. “I’ll try. I just... I hate that I became such a horrible father. I hurt Virgil and then I hurt Remus. And with Remus I hurt him because of my own selfish reasons.” 

“Well, like I told you before, sitting here and moping isn’t going to fix things,” said Patton. “You have to face them and you have to apologize. And from there... you have to let them decide what to do with you. Maybe they’ll be forgiving, maybe they won’t be. But whatever they decide... it’s up to them. Now, you have a whole cookie to finish eating, so let’s sit here and do that. We can talk about something else if you want.” 

Janus was still sniffling, but he did pick up the cookie and took another bite. It was perfect. Soft on the inside, a light crisp on the outside. And he recognized these cookies as Virgil’s favorite. He remembered how they used to bake these together every Halloween- 

“Janus, I have a question,” Patton suddenly said. “Logan mentioned Jungian archetypes the other day, and I tried to keep up, but Logan speaks so fast it’s kind of hard to. Do you know anything about them? Maybe you can help me understand them better...” 

Janus shook his head, banishing the memories. He glanced at Patton, who actually looked interested in what he had to say. 

“Oh... yes,” Janus nodded. “There are four archetypes. The first one is...” 

Patton smiled softly and let Janus speak, watching the other slowly calm down.


	15. Remus Drifts Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING FOR PANIC ATTACKS AND DISASSOCIATION!

“Keep breathing, Remus,” Logan said as he changed his position. It had been his idea for Remus to join him in his morning yoga. To his surprise, Remus was almost scarily flexible.

“Comes from being part octopus,” Remus had said. “You should see me squeeze through a tiny hole...”

And now Remus had his own mat and mimicked the positions that were being shown by the instructor onscreen.

“And here I thought the point was to suffocate and die,” Remus said as he held his position. He chuckled. “Would corpses be more flexible since they don’t have pain to stop them?”

“I imagine it depends on the corpse,” said Logan. “Even without pain, it’s very difficult to force someone into a split.”

“True,” Remus said, changing position again.

It was different having someone there with him. Indeed, everything had been different ever since he’d brought Remus up from the Dark Side. Logan tended to not practice what he preached. He would neglect his needs in the name of work, and it had never bothered him before. Janus’s lectures about self care often fell upon deaf ears in Logan’s case.

But with Remus, Logan began to discover just how much merit Janus’s lectures had. He felt much better having Remus in his life, surprisingly enough. It was Remus who made Logan stop working and share meals with him. It was Remus who drug Logan away from his work to come sleep. It was Remus who listened when he spoke, and listened well.

And the cuddling!

Logan knew the importance of touch with human beings. Touch starvation was very real and could have very negative effects on one’s mental health. Platonic cuddling was something acceptable in this day and age. Friends and family shared in such practices with no one batting an eye. And this was why Logan often woke up curled around Remus or with Remus curled around him. And damn if it didn’t feel good. Logan actually found that he slept better sharing his bed with Remus...

It was an odd feeling, suddenly having someone caring so much about him. The others may have lectured him on working too hard, but Remus actually acted on it. Including the time Remus infected Logan’s laptop with a virus and refused to remove it for two days. Those two days had been... very nice. Logan just relaxed with Remus and did as he pleased. Remus only removed the virus after Logan swore he would stop overworking himself.

And Logan had actually kept that promise.

Their yoga session had ended when there was a knock on the door.

Remus flinched slightly from the bed, but he didn’t wrap himself in blankets like he’d done before. He had gotten better about people visiting Logan.

“Who is it?” Logan asked.

“It’s Roman,” came the answer. “And Janus. We wanted to talk to Remus.”

Remus inhaled sharply, and Logan looked over at him.

Remus was curling in on himself, looking distraught. He shook his head.

“I-I don’t want to see him. Not yet. Not yet.”

Logan opened the door a crack and looked at the two on the other side. Janus was standing stiffly by, looking nervous, and Roman looked much the same.

“He doesn’t want to see you yet,” Logan explained. “He’s not doing well right now.”

“But we-” Roman fell silent and nodded his head. “We understand. Is.. Is he going to be ok?”

“I’ll take care of him,” Logan promised. “I’ll let you know how he feels later.”

“Thank you,” Janus said softly, already looking sad that he wasn’t able to see Remus.

As Logan spoke with the others, Remus clenched his eyes shut. Jannie was here. Jannie was here. But Jannie had left him. Jannie had abandoned him. So he couldn’t be here. He couldn’t. He wasn’t. He wasn’t...

He

Wasn’t

_Wasn’t_

**No one**

**İ̶͔͙̋s̶̔ͅ**  
**̸̛̭**  
**̶͖̾͌H̷̱͂ȅ̴̬ȑ̸͜ẻ̸̞!̷͉͑̐**

Remus opened his eyes and he was once again in the kitchen of the Dark Sides. The light was dim and the rooms beyond were dark. Remus whimpered and looked around. He could hear the distorted white noise coming from the television in the nearby living room. He could see bugs crawling along the floor. He could smell the rotten food nearby. It was still there on his tongue. That taste would never leave him alone! Why was he here? Why was he alone? Why had Jannie abandoned him? What did he do wrong?

“Remus!”

A light!

Remus squinted at the bright light that suddenly appeared before him. The light morphed into a more humanoid shape. A familiar one. Logan!

It was Logan!

“Remus?”

Logan’s hands gently cupped Remus’s face, and their surroundings flickered. Remus blinked, and the room changed. He was back in Logan’s room. Was he? Everything looked weird, rippling like water. Where was he again?

“Remus, you’re drifting away,” said Logan. “Focus on my voice. I’m here, ok? I’m right here and you’re in my room.”

“Room?” Remus whispered. “Room...”

Logan was worried. Remus had spaced out before, but never this bad. Something had triggered this episode, and he had a pretty good idea what it was. Still, he needed to help Remus.

“Remus, listen carefully,” Logan said. “I need you to look around and name five things you can see.”

Remus blinked and his eyes slowly moved from side to side.

“See... see... an Einstein poster on the wall,” he said slowly. “Your laptop. I see... Logos sitting on your desk. I see... my morningstar on the floor in the corner. I s-see... my green towel hanging on the bathroom door.”

“Good,” Logan said. “Good! Now name four things you can feel.”

Remus’s shaking hands slowly rose up and felt Logan’s.

“I can feel you,” he said. “Um... I can feel the bed sheets. I can feel... my shirt. The design is raised. I can feel... your glasses.”

“Now name three things you can hear,” said Logan.

“Hear...” Remus repeated. “I can hear you. I can hear... the sink dripping in the bathroom. I can hear the tv.”

“Good, now two things you can smell,” said Logan.

“I smell your laundry detergent,” Remus said. “And I smell... cookies. Patton’s baking.”

“And finally, one thing you can taste,” said Logan.

Remus blinked again and slowly turned his head. He ran his tongue over the pad of Logan’s thumb.

“Pen ink,” he said.

He took a deep breath and blinked again, looking around before focusing on Logan again.

“Are you back?” Logan asked. “Are you ok? You had another episode.”

“I...” Remus swayed slightly. “I don’t feel so hot.”

Logan pursed his lips, trying to think of what to do. He suddenly had an idea and picked Remus up.

Remus felt as if he were trapped between two worlds. One was full of light, the other was dark and cold. The light beckoned to him, and he knew it was there, but the dark kept a firm grip on him. It pulled and pulled, threatening to swallow him again. Remus struggled, but everything was too loud and too quiet and he was so tired-

But then he was warm. He was sinking into the warm light, and it felt amazing. He sunk into its depths, manifesting his gills to breathe. The silence was just right, hearing just enough to not overwhelm him. He could feel someone touching him-

Logan!

Logan had been there. Logan was still there. He was...

Remus blinked again, seeing that he’d been submerged in water. He was in Logan’s bathtub again with its blissfully warm water. Remus considered switching to his octopus form, but decided against it. He needed to speak to Logan.

And he would... after a few more minutes of being submerged.


	16. Still The Duke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus tells Logan why Janus made him panic

Logan had recognized the signs of a panic attack. He had recognized the glassy look Remus got when he was dissociated. But he had never seen it this bad. True, Remus had often drifted off before, but Logan had been able to pull him back before he went too far. Logan had to admit he was scared to see Remus like this... 

He took Remus to his bathtub and filled it with water. Remus needed to be grounded. He needed a place that gave him comfort, a place that was different from the place he thought he was in. He knew Remus loved soaking in the tub, so he submerged the Duke in the warm water, not paying any attention when the tub overflowed and water poured onto the floor. 

He watched Remus’s gills appear on the sides of his torso, and some light came back to his eyes. Good. This was good. Remus was coming back. He just needed some time. Logan held Remus’s hand tightly, and sighed in relief. That had been terrifying... 

“So how did it go?” Patton asked brightly as Roman and Janus came back downstairs. Virgil glanced up from his phone, eyes widening slightly as Janus slowly came into view. He was shuffling like a zombie, eyes dull and glazed over, but Virgil could see tears slowly falling from them. He’d never seen Janus like this before... 

“Janus?” Patton stood up as the other passed, but Janus made no sign that he’d heard Patton say anything. He shuffled by, moving through the living room and disappearing down the other hallway where his new room was. 

“Roman?” Patton saw the other come downstairs. He looked sad, but not as bad as Janus was. 

“Something happened,” Roman said. “Remus wasn’t ready yet. He... we couldn’t see much, but we could hear. Something happened to him and Logan had to help him-” 

“He had a panic attack,” Virgil said softly. “I could feel it.” 

“A panic attack?” Patton’s eyes widened. “Oh my gosh, is he ok? Maybe I should go help-” 

“No,” Roman stopped him. “Logan has him, he’ll be ok. Remus needs to feel safe now, and Logan makes him feel safe. That’s what Emile says. Just give him some time and check on him later, ok?” 

“Emile?” Virgil glanced at Roman. “You’re seeing Emile?” 

“And?” Roman bristled defensively. “Nothing wrong with that.” 

Virgil shrugged and went back to his phone. But even as he tried to distract himself, he couldn’t stop thinking about how he’d felt Remus’s panic. He’d felt it before a few times, but never this bad... 

Logan was still there when Remus finally surfaced from the water. A new wave of water splashed onto the floor, but Logan paid it no mind. 

“Are you ok?” He asked as Remus wiped his face. “Should I get Emile?” 

“I’m ok,” Remus took a deep breath. “I’m back. Did anything happen while I was away?” 

“Well, my water bill rose quite a bit,” Logan said, looking at the soaked floor. 

Remus blinked and then managed a laugh. Logan’s jokes were rare, but his humor had improved quite a bit, and he appreciated them. Especially when Logan used them to lighten things up. 

“I’m glad you’re ok,” Logan said. “I was worried. I’ve never seen you get that bad. Was it because of Roman or Janus?” 

Remus sighed, slumping back in the tub. It was a familiar situation to him. He remembered Logan bathing him when he’d first been brought here. Granted, he was still wearing his underwear now. Still, Remus could appreciate this position. 

“Janus,” he finally said. “I... I’m not ready to see or speak to him yet. I... Well, I...” 

“You don’t need to explain if you don’t want to,” said Logan. “Your reasons are your own.” 

“No, I want you to know,” said Remus. “If you’ll be keeping him away, I want you to know why. And anyway... I’ve been wanting your opinion on it.” 

Logan sat down, leaning against the edge of the tub and getting more comfortable. 

“What did you need help with?” He asked. 

Remus was silent for a moment, the only sound in the bathroom being the slight ripples in the water. His jaw moved as he chewed the inside of his cheek, something he often did when deep in thought. Then he moved it to tap his teeth together, something he often did when he started to feel anxious. 

“It’s too soon,” he finally said. “I... I know it’s been a while, but it’s still too soon. I... ugh... Lolo, I want him back so badly. I’m afraid that if I speak to him before I’m ready, I’ll forgive him and sweep everything under the rug just so that things can go back to the way they were. Because all of this... emotion... and pain... it’s too much for the likes of me. I’m not the feelings guy. I... I want things to go back to how they were. I want my Jannie back.” 

Logan stayed silent. He couldn’t help but feel that there was a ‘but’ in there somewhere. 

“But...” Remus’s expression turned angry. “He still hurt me. And you and Emile told me that I don’t deserve to be hurt like that. Jannie still left me behind to go chasing after Thomas and left me all alone without checking on me. And I can’t let that go, because as much as I want things to go back to how they were, he still hurt me and I’m angry at him for it. And if I don’t tell him how he hurt me, he can’t make amends for it, and it’ll just sit there and fester like a wound until there’s maggots in it and you have to amputate it because you left it for too long because you didn’t tell anyone you were hurt and now you’ve lost this big part of yourself to the rot, and-” 

“Remus,” Logan said firmly. “You’re going to drift away again if you’re not careful...” 

Remus was once again silent... for a moment. 

“WHY DID HE HAVE TO LEAVE ME?!” He suddenly shrieked. He slapped the water with his fists, and it immediately turned into blood. Remus then drug his hands down his face, not caring that he was staining it red. 

“Why did this have to happen?” Remus sobbed. “Why did he hurt me? What did I do wrong? I know I wasn’t a perfect son, but... what did I do to make him leave?” He sniffled. “I hate this. I hate how much it hurts. I hate how it’s made me. I was a Duke!” He removed his hands and gripped the edge of the tub. “I was powerful and confident! I didn’t care about what others thought of me and even if I did, I shrugged it off way easier than this! But now... he’s made me feel so small and powerless. I want to be the Duke again. I feel like dirt, and not in a good way. I hate that he was able to do all of that so easily...” 

His anger within grew. He wanted to lash out. He wanted to destroy something. Hurt someone. Hurt... himself? He then reared back and tried to slam his forehead into the edge of the tub, but a hand caught his head and stopped it. 

“Remus,” Logan said gently. “It was not your fault. Even if you were not the perfect son, you didn’t deserve to be left alone. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Janus was wrong in what he did.” 

He carefully lifted Remus back up so that he was sitting up again. 

“You are still The Duke,” Logan continued. “No one can take that from you. And if you don’t feel like it now, you will in time. You just need some help and there’s no shame in that. You have me and you have Emile and you even have Patton now. We’ll help you get better. I promise.” 

He pulled Remus into a hug while the other silently cried into his shoulder. 

“I’m going to ruin your shirt,” Remus whimpered. 

“I have plenty of shirts, don’t worry,” Logan rubbed his back. 

Remus needed time, and Logan had plenty of patience and care to give.


	17. A Man Who Lost His Sons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> is there any hope for Janus?

It took Patton only a second to realize what was wrong.

There was a certain lack of black and yellow at the table. Janus hadn’t shown up for lunch.

Patton’s concerns for Remus had been soothed when he’d taken dinner to them the night before. Logan had taken the tray of food and explained that Remus had had an episode, but he was doing better now. He just needed some rest, food, and a good distraction. Patton had been relieved, and he couldn’t help but feel a warmth within when Logan said that Remus was cuddling the octopus plush that Patton had given him.

But this was the next day, and Janus hadn’t come out of his room since his failed talk with Remus. Patton wasn’t about to let him stew in his own emotions, whatever they may be. Especially since those emotions couldn’t be good. Still, Patton had been known to be overbearing in the past. He'd have to be careful if he didn’t want Janus to put up a wall.

Patton made an extra grilled mozzarella and tomato sandwich for Janus, adding in fresh basil and oregano for taste. He cut the sandwich in half and carried the plate to Janus’s room. If Janus wasn’t going to come out and eat, then Patton would bring the food to him.

Virgil watched Patton leave, chewing his sandwich slowly in thought.

“Is he ok?” He asked Roman.

Roman paused. There were a few _he’s_ that Virgil could be referring to, and he had no way of knowing which one Virgil was referring to. Well, if he thought about it, there was only one _he_ that Virgil would normally ask about.

“Patton?” Roman asked. “I think he’s ok. He’s been a little worried about the others.”

“Not Patton,” Virgil sighed. “I meant... I mean Janus. Is Janus ok?”

Roman blinked in surprise. As far as he knew, Virgil hated Janus. Virgil had always been defensive around the other side, always been the one to refuse to listen to even a word from his lips. Roman never asked what their history was, but there was enough venom there to imply that it wasn’t a good one. Maybe... hmm... maybe Virgil should go see Emile too...

“Roman?” Virgil’s voice broke Roman from his thoughts. “Is Janus ok?”

“He’s...” Roman tried to find the words. “I mean... I guess he could be better. We went to apologize to Remus, but... Remus didn’t take Janus being there very well. Janus... looked like someone had stolen all the life out of him. I don’t think he expected such a reaction.”

“I felt it,” Virgil murmured. “I could feel Remus panicking.”

“Was it that bad?” Roman asked. “Wow. I never knew Remus could even get scared. He always seemed so... indestructible. Just let things roll off his back.”

Virgil shook his head, but said no more. So Janus was sad that Remus didn’t want to talk to him? Once again, it was all about Remus. Virgil felt a pang of anger in the pit of his stomach. Memories of being left alone in favor of The Duke tried to overtake him, but Virgil pushed them back. He had a new family now. One that paid attention to him. He didn’t need Janus anymore, and he certainly didn’t need Remus...

“Janus?” Patton knocked on Janus’s door. “Janus, I brought you some lunch. You need to eat, and you missed breakfast.”

Silence met his words.

Patton frowned and pressed his ear against Janus’s door. He couldn’t hear anything, but he knew Janus was in there. Where else would he be? Patton stepped back and knocked again.

“Janus, I’m not leaving until I watch you eat this food,” he said. “I’m sorry if that sounds bad, but I’m really worried about you, and I’ve seen plenty of times that leaving someone alone isn’t the best option in certain situations-”

The door slowly creaked open.

Patton opened it the rest of the way and stepped into Janus’s room. He’d never been in Janus’s room before. The room had a sort of vintage look to it. An old record player sat on a dark wood dresser, the bed had a matching headboard and black and yellow sheets and a small mountain of pillows. There were bookcases crammed full of books, classic movie posters on the walls, and a few framed photographs. One of them was of Janus smiling with a very young Remus and Virgil.

The mountain of pillows shifted, and a few fell off the bed as Janus slowly revealed himself. He sat up on the bed, looking as if he hadn’t been sleeping well for a while. Patton couldn’t help but wonder if Janus had been sleeping well ever since Logan had told them all off that day...

“Grilled cheese and tomato,” Patton smiled, handing the plate over. “Always makes me feel a bit better.”

Janus stared at the plate for a few minutes before he took it. He set it in his lap and sighed, looking as if he might start crying at any minute.

“Is this about Remus?” Patton asked. He fidgeted with the sleeves of his hoodie. Was he being pushy? It was just a question. Ask and let Janus decide to answer...

Janus paused, a sandwich half tucked in his hands. He pursed his lips as his stomach rolled. He’d barely been hungry to begin with, but now he was somehow even less so. Still, he forced himself to take a bite and chew. He needed to eat. He needed his strength if he wanted to help Thomas...

Patton watched Janus slowly chew his food in silence. It was strange seeing Janus this way, and he wondered if this was how Logan had felt when he’d seen Remus down in the Dark Side. Broken, hopeless, stinking of tears and despair. Indeed, Janus must have been wearing makeup around the others because now the bags under his eyes were darker and his scales were duller on his face. His normally keen and bright snake eye was glazed over.

“I lost him,” Janus finally said. “I... I lost him.”

He sniffled loudly and heavily swallowed his food, dropping the rest back to the plate as his fingers shook. Fresh tears fell from his eyes, and he scrubbed at them with the back of his sleeve.

“I don’t think you lost him,” Patton moved closer and rubbed Janus’s shoulder. “He... he probably just needs time is all. Logan said he’s doing better now, and we both heard him say that Remus is going to therapy now. I bet all Remus needs is a little time and some help and he’ll be ready to speak to you.”

“I don’t deserve it!” Janus snapped, a low hiss tinging his words. “I-I... I don’t deserve...” he took a shaky breath. “After what I did...” He shook his head and sniffled again. “I... it was all my fault. I... I left him behind. For the most s-selfish reasons.”

“It’s ok,” Patton moved closer again and wrapped his arm around Janus’s shoulders. He moved the plate away before it fell off the bed. “I’m sure you had your reasons.”

“I did,” Janus said softly. “And they weren’t good. You have to understand... I was... I was so tired of being the villain. All these years, I’d been the villain. We all had. Me, Virgil, and Remus. All I ever wanted was to help and take care of Thomas, but... I was always ignored and you all reacted with such hostility. And then suddenly... I wasn’t the villain anymore. Thomas was listening to me! You were... we were acting friendly with each other... You will never know how great I felt, Patton... and I didn’t want that to end. I was afraid if I left, if I stopped talking to Thomas... then things would go back to the way they were and I would lose my chance. I didn’t want to lose it. I... I didn’t want to lose Thomas. And in doing so, I forgot about someone very dear to me. I abandoned Remus for another. Just like how I abandoned Virgil. And now... now I’ve lost both of them.”

Patton pulled Janus into a hug, letting the other cry into his shoulder. And gently rocked side to side.

“Let it all out, Janus,” he said softly. “Let it all out, I’ll stay right here. Emotions like this shouldn’t be kept inside. It’ll just hurt more if they are...”

Janus did just that, sobbing like a man who had lost everything, and he felt as if he had...


	18. Author's Note (I'm so sorry)

Just a quick check in to let you guys know that it may take some time for the next chapter. I'm a bit stuck on where to go next and it will take a little longer for me to figure it out. Thank you all so much for your patience and I'm so happy that you guys are enjoying the story so far. I'll do my best to make sure the next chapter is as good as the others.

Thanks and have a great day!


	19. Give and Take

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Me: *stuck on the plot*  
> Brain: Post a filler chapter.
> 
> Still working on where the plot will go, so have this for now. Thanks for all the kind words, guys!

“I’m trying hard to keep everyone together,” Patton sighed. “Trying to keep things running smoothly. But... I feel like I’ve just been letting everyone down. So much has changed and... I don’t think we’ve all really come to terms with that. Things had been a certain way for so long, and then you suddenly learn that what you’re doing isn’t healthy and you’ve been hurting Thomas for so long.”

Emile wondered for a brief moment if everyone was going to be in his office at some point. First Remus then Logan then Roman... and now Patton. He couldn’t help but be happy that he was given a chance to help after them declining for so long...

“I understand that what happened had a large effect on everyone,” he said. “And it’s understandable. Change often affects us in ways that we fail to realize. But not all change is bad. The way I understand it, this was something that was for Thomas’s benefit. And it required... certain destructions. Sometimes for change to happen, especially for the better, we must first destroy what’s already there so that we can build something better and healthier.”

Patton slowly nodded, fidgeting with the sleeves of his hoodie. He twisted them in his fingers, tugged them back and forth, even tried chewing on them a bit. Emile finally pulled a fidget toy from his desk drawer and tossed it to Patton. Patton caught it and started playing with it.

“But was it really that bad?” He asked, flipping the light switch on the cube over and over. “I mean... sure, it wasn’t the healthiest, but Thomas turned out ok. He’s a good person and he has lots of friends and family and fans watching his videos. How would he have turned out if someone else guided him? What if he had turned out worse than he is now?”

“What if he had turned out better?” Emile asked. “You could fill a whole room with ‘what ifs’. Why bother with them? Focus on what _did_ happen and what’s happening now.”

“I’m doubting myself,” Patton said. “All this time I thought I was helping. But now I can’t help but wonder how much damage I did. Not only to Thomas, but to the others. I started thinking about the things I’ve done in the past, and... well, I’m disappointed.”

Patton had seriously done some soul searching after Logan had let them all have it. And he’d done it again after his talk with Remus. He’d realized that Logan had been right. Patton had played favorites with his kiddos, despite him always swearing to himself that he wouldn’t do so.

He’d welcomed Virgil with open arms, no questions asked. But he had struggled with Remus and Janus even though Virgil technically did affect Thomas more. Maybe that was why? Was Patton just trying to help soothe Virgil’s nerves so that Thomas could handle him better? But that somehow sounded so much worse...

“Being disappointed in oneself isn’t bad,” said Emile. “As long as you know how to properly handle it. You cannot let the disappointment build and fester. You must find out where it’s coming from and then work to correct it. And above all, you must learn to not be too hard on yourself. We are our own worst critics, and we are often ruthless. It takes time and patience to learn how to properly be disappointed in oneself.”

“And how do I do that?” Patton asked.

“You’re already making good progress,” said Emile. “You’ve already admitted that you did something wrong, and by coming here you are already working towards correcting it. Sometimes we need a fresh pair or unbiased eyes to help us look at everything. Think of it like... putting a puzzle together. You’ve been staring at an undone puzzle for a very long time and just can’t figure out where the next piece goes. That’s because you’ve stared at it for so long that you’re almost blind to what you’re seeing. That’s why having someone else look can help you. They haven’t seen it before, so they can look closer and examine everything and maybe even find things you didn’t notice such as where other pieces will fit.”

“Oh,” Patton blinked. “That... well, that does make sense.”

“Let’s try and start from the beginning,” said Emile. “You are Thomas’s Morality, but you are also the paternal figure to the others. Why is that? You appointed you that role?”

“No one appointed me per se,” Patton shrugged. “It’s just a role I took on because I wanted to take care of the others and make sure everyone was happy.”

“Everyone?” Emile raised an eyebrow. “If I recall... it wasn’t everyone.”

Patton guiltily looked at the ground. True, it had started when Thomas was still young and impressionable. When the likes of Janus and Remus had shown themselves, Patton had been quick to chase them off. He’d been so focused on making sure Thomas flourished and stayed on the right path that he hadn’t noticed that he’d created a divide between them all. He'd been the one to tell the younger sides to be careful around the dark sides and to not go near them. He’d been so worried about them being corrupted...

“Moving on, you said you wanted to take care of everyone,” said Emile. “How so? And why is that?”

“Well, I wanted to take care of everyone because a happy mindscape makes for a happy Thomas,” said Patton. “So I would cook for them, I cleaned up, I helped them when they needed it, and other things. It’s just... how I show my love.”

“Interesting,” Emile made a note. “So for you, doing thigns for other people is how you show your love. So you equate these generous acts to love. And I’m guessing you taught these beliefs to Thomas?”

“Of course,” said Patton. “Good people are the people you can depend on. The people who help others. The people who take care of their friends and family.”

“Hmm...” Emile looked over his notes. “Patton, I’m going to ask a question... and I ask this with every respect. Is it possible... that you are confusing love with worth? And you determine your worth by how much you do for others? And do you do this because you’re afraid that if you stop then no one will like you anymore?”

Patton felt as if Emile had reached over and slapped him. The fidget cube fell from his suddenly numb fingers, rolling across the floor.

Was Emile right? Did Patton do everything he did because he’d feel worthless if he didn’t? He did often feel guilty when he couldn’t help someone. And he did sometimes worry that someone would be angry if he didn’t do something for them...

Was he... did he really... was it true?

Deep down, he felt that it had to be. And that thought made him feel worst of all.

“I’m guessing these beliefs have bled over into how you guide Thomas,” Emile continued, handing over a tissue box as tears began to fall from Patton’s eyes. “You are afraid that if Thomas doesn’t continue his generous acts and sacrifices for his friends and family, then they will abandon him. And perhaps you are also trying to teach this to the other sides as well. But this... is a very unhealthy mindset, Patton.”

Patton sniffled loudly, hands shaking as he wiped his eyes with a tissue. Emile was right. It wasn’t healthy at all. But Patton couldn’t help how he felt about this. He couldn’t help but push Thomas to do more. He couldn’t help but fear Thomas ending up all alone because he didn’t do enough. And in doing so... he had hurt so many.

“Every relationship is give and take,” said Emile. “Both parties must equally give and take to sustain it. Now, how one gives and how one takes can vary. Sometimes giving is physical like a gift. Sometimes giving is emotional like a hug or support. Sometimes it’s simply providing someone with silent company. But what many people don’t realize is that there will be times when you can only give and times when you can only take. For example, if you became very sick and had to stay in bed, you wouldn’t be able to give much. Now does that make it wrong for you to take the soup and comforts the others give you? No. They are giving this to you and you taking them is normal. Vice versa, is it wrong that you can only give care to a sick person with nothing in return? No. These events are both normal and acceptable. If you cannot give or cannot take, it’s not a bad thing. It’s not a crime to take care of yourself first when it’s needed. And I’m guessing you’ve been needing to take care of yourself for a very long time.”

It was true. It was so true that it hurt. Patton could only nod as he continued to cry. It just felt so good to be told these words...

“Hey Patton? What are you cooking for dinner tonight?” Roman asked.

It was mush later after Patton’s appointment. Patton was still trying to come to terms with everything Emile had told him, and he really didn’t feel like making dinner. But he knew that he had to-

Wait... no he didn’t.

Was this what Emile was talking about when he said that sometimes you could not give? Well... time to see if it worked.

“Actually...” he said to Roman. “I’m not... feeling too good. Emile had a lot of things to say and I'm just really tired. Do you think you could... um... make dinner instead, please?”

Roman slowly smiled. He knew Patton had been running himself ragged ever since Remus had been found. He’d been hoping Patton would stop, but he knew Patton wouldn’t. But now... now Patton seemed to finally know that he needed to take care of himself.

“I would love to,” he said. Patton’s eyes lit up with relief. “Don’t worry, Padre. Go rest and I’ll whip us up a feast fit for a king. I’ve got it all under control.”

“Thank you,” Patton looked like he might start crying again. “Thank you, Roman.” He turned around and left, heading to his room for a nap.


	20. The Duke Who Would Be King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slowly getting this plot going again. Thanks for your patience and comments, guys. They mean a lot to me.

It was a rather peaceful day, and Remus seemed to be feeling better. Emile had offered an emergency session to help with his recent episode, but Remus had refused. He didn’t want to disrupt the schedule he already had in place, and he needed to gather his thoughts before he could think about it. Emile had been understanding, but still told Remus he was always available when needed. 

So now they were sitting on Logan’s bed and watching some tv series Remus had suggested called Rome. Logan could quickly see the appeal. Sex, violence, gratuitous nudity... but the plot was decent and it was a historical drama, so he could at least focus on that. Logan was sitting against the wall while Remus was leaning against him, fiddling with Logos and braiding the plush’s tentacles over and over. 

But Logan’s mind was also trying to figure out how to help Remus out of his slump. Remus hadn’t really created anything, but he had gotten better control over his thoughts with Logan and Emile’s help. Logan had yet to hear any more complaints from Thomas than usual, so that was good. But Remus was a creator, and he needed to create. Logan could only imagine how he would feel if he stopped using logic or critical thinking and just sat around watching television all day. 

“I’ve never seen your castle before,” Logan suddenly said. 

Remus paused in his braiding and looked up at Logan, eyebrows raised. 

“I don’t think you’ve ever even seen my kingdom,” he said. “My realm is vast in the Imagination. Roman and I split it down the middle, but we’ve been adding on to our sides for years.” He sighed. “I have been neglecting my duties as king. I just... with everything going on, I didn’t think I was in the best mindset to lead my lands. I’ve left my most trusted general in charge, and I have faith in her. She’s a good undead...” 

“Kingdom?” Logan repeated. “I thought you were a duke.” 

“Only out here,” Remus grinned. “I wanted to be a prince like Roman, but Roman said he’d already called it and there couldn’t be two princes. So I chose the title of Duke instead. But then when I was in the Imagination, I realized I could be whatever I wanted. So I told Roman ‘Fuck you and your title of Prince. I’ll be a King and you can just suck it.’ He wasn’t happy about that, but I didn’t care. If he’d just let me be a prince like I wanted...” 

He trailed off and was silent for a moment. All that could be heard was the sounds of the tv. Remus was no longer playing with Logos, holding the plush still in his hands now. Logan mused over his thoughts. 

“Would you be willing to show me your kingdom?” He asked. 

Remus’s fingers tightened on Logos, and his breath hitched. 

“You don’t have to resume your duties,” Logan was quick to amend. “I just wanted to see it. I bet it’s a very beautiful kingdom... in a Gothic way. Did you borrow certain aesthetics from Gothic architecture? Or did you prefer Renaissance or Georgian? I’m curious.” 

Remus was again silent, fingers twitching slightly. Logan knew these were not good signs, so he carefully started stroking Remus’s hair. He’d long ago learned that Remus loved having his scalp scratched or hair stroked. He found it to be calming. 

“I...” Remus cleared his throat. “I don’t think I’m fit to resume my duties. I don’t... I don’t think I’m... worthy to resume them either. But... I do miss my kingdom. I’ll show it to you if you want. You don’t have to be scared! No harm will come to you when you’re with me. My subjects know not to attack me when I have company.” 

“Do they attack you when you’re alone?” Logan asked. 

“Yeah,” Remus smiled. “It’s fun. And it helps keep me on my toes. Did you want to go now? It’s very easy to get there.” 

“Did you want to finish this episode?” Logan asked. “It’s actually getting good.” 

“We both know what happens to Cleopatra and Caesar,” Remus turned the tv off. “We need to go now before I lose my nerve.” 

He reached into his pocket and pulled out what looked to be a black stick of chalk. He walked over to the wall and began to draw on it. 

“The door to Imagination never stays in one place,” Remus said. “It’s everywhere. It’s always right where you need it so that you can step through at any time. You are its master, and it will always heed your call... even if it will not always open to you. That’s why it’s called ‘writer’s block’. The door literally blocks your way.” 

He had drawn the crude outline of a door on the wall and then drew a basic handle. As he stepped back, the wall began to creak. Dark wood began to form over the outline, and a green frame grew around it. The handle was black metal and in the shape of an octopus. 

Logan stared as the door formed. It was... actually rather impressive. He'd always thought the door stayed in either of their rooms. Could Roman do this too? Did he have the power to summon his door at will? Did he use chalk as well? Logan had so many questions... 

Remus hesitated as he reached for the door handle. Doubt showed on his face just enough for Logan to see it. What was Remus doubting? The door or himself? But then Remus took a deep breath and slowly opened the door. The doubt was replaced with relief as he stepped through. 

Logan followed and saw they had arrived in a dark and snowy forest. He could hear the calls of owls and ravens nearby and wolves howling in the distance. No doubt this forest was full of dangers, but he felt safe at Remus’s side. Speaking of, he glanced at Remus to see that his clothes had changed. 

Remus was dressed in a much fancier version of his usual Duke outfit, the pajamas having vanished. He was also wearing a black fur trimmed cloak, and he was holding a black and silver crown. Remus’s hands shook as he held it, staring at it with narrowed eyes. His mouth tightened into a thin line, but then he looked over at Logan. 

“Logan... w-would you... would you h-hold onto this for me, please?” He asked, handing the crown over. 

Logan carefully took it from him, and Remus sighed. 

“I... I can’t wear it yet,” he said. “Not now. Maybe... maybe later...” he shook his head. “Anyway! We need to follow this path here, it will take us to the castle. Come along!” 

Logan followed after Remus, the crown suddenly feeling much heavier in his hands.


	21. The Green Handprints

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part filler, part plot. Thanks to all you wonderful guys for being patient with me. I really enjoy reading your comments and they always help me feel better!

Virgil could smell food cooking as he came out of his room. He loved Patton’s cooking. Something about it always tasted like home. It made him feel... warm and content. It made him feel-

Wait, why was Patton on the couch?

Virgil glanced at the kitchen just in time to see Roman walk by with his arms laden with various vegetables. He had rearranged the kitchen and created a fire for a huge pot to hang over. Virgil rolled his eyes. Roman always had to be so dramatic. Even when doing something as simple as cooking...

“Patton, you ok?”

Virgil lifted Patton’s legs and then sat down, settling them in his lap. Patton was stretched out on the couch beneath a thick blanket and watching something on the tv. Even though it was a very comfortable position, Patton looked anxious.

“Emile thinks I haven’t been taking good care of myself,” Patton said softly. “And I... I don’t feel that well.”

Virgil reached over and slowly placed a hand on Patton’s shoulder. He wasn’t sure what could help. If Patton wasn’t doing well, then not much would. Patton was usually so strong. Always smiling and always providing rays of sunshine and happiness for everyone else to absorb and use.

But maybe that was it. Maybe that was exactly the problem.

Patton gave so much, but did he ever take the time to recharge, so to speak? Did he ever take the time to relax and just focus on himself? Virgil had never really seen him do that. Sure, Patton would eat cookies that he’d baked and watch movies with them, but did he ever stop worrying about them? Did he ever stop fretting over them like an overprotective father?

Virgil had to admit he liked Patton’s care at times. It was nice having someone take care of things when he was having a bad day. It was nice not having to worry about the house being clean or food being cooked because Patton was there. It was nice having someone to love and support you and give you the attention you needed _instead of tossing you aside for someone else-_

Virgil shook his head.

No... don’t think about that.

Virgil had been so worried about Thomas experiencing burn out that he hadn’t even thought about the others. Granted, he wondered if it was even possible for the others to. Obviously, they could.

“I’m sorry,” Patton closed his eyes. “I... I don’t mean to be this way. I just...”

“Shh...” Virgil rubbed Patton’s shoulder. “We get it. Everyone gets tired. You’ve done enough for us. Just relax. I’m sorry I never thought about how this was all effecting you.”

“I tried to keep going,” said Patton. “Just... take it in stride and keep going. But it’s so hard, Virgil. Why is it so hard? Why can’t I just shake it off like before?”

Virgil was silent for a moment. So much had changed recently. He was barely keeping his head above water with everything. But he obviously was not the only one suffering. Everyone was suffering now. Everyone’s cracks and wounds had been bared to the world and each other, and they were all struggling to deal with them.

“We’re all... we’ve all got things to deal with, Patton,” Virgil finally said. “We just have to take it one day at a time. And if you can’t do that... one hour at a time. That’s what Emile says. But we don’t think any less of you for needing a break. You’ve taken care of us for a long time. Let us take care of you now.”

Patton sighed, still unconvinced. He made a soft noise when Virgil began to move him, rearranging him on the couch so that he lay with his head in Virgil’s lap. Virgil changed the channel to some documentary. Something calm and easy that they needed right now...

“This is one of my forests,” Remus said, spinning in place and gesturing at the trees that surrounded them. “I have a lot of forests. Can’t have a spooky movie without a dark forest. But then I also have deserts and tundras and beaches and swamps. I’ll show you those later if we have time.”

He had summoned a horse for them to ride on. A horse that was pitch black and had glowing red eyes, jagged teeth, a green handprint on its flank, and breathed some kind of noxious fumes into the air. The mane and tail were both infested with spiders...

Logan rode behind Remus, holding onto his waist to keep balanced. Logan knew the theory behind riding horses, but he’d never ridden one before. Seeing Remus act so natural in the saddle, it was safe to say he’d ridden many times before.

Logan flinched as an explosion rang out nearby. There was a flash of fire in the distance to accompany it.

“What was that?” Logan asked. “Should we be worried?”

“Eh, probably just the Weird Sisters making another sacrifice,” Remus shrugged. “I think it’s that time of year again. Anyway, over here we have some poisonous mushrooms...”

Logan slowly turned away from the fire in the distance to listen to Remus’s words. His attention was once again stolen when a monstrously large bear walked by. The bear looked... normal. But even so its design seemed so different from its surroundings. The bear glanced at Logan, and he could see what looked to be a red line painted across the bear’s forehead.

“Viktor,” Remus greeted. “Lovely to see you as always.”

The bear rumbled a growl and stalked off.

Other creatures approached them as they continued down the path. The creatures ranged in terms of looks. Some looked like actual mythical creatures or just some kind of monstrous animal but others looked like nightmare fuel. But each one had either a red line across the face or a green handprint on the side or chest.

Logan was still pondering over what the marks meant when the trees cleared and gave way to a large dark castle.

The castle was... there wasn’t really a set way to describe it. It seemed to be mostly influenced by Gothic architecture, but then Logan could see other styles and influences as well. It looked as if Remus just made it look however he wanted. Either way, the stone and metal work were all dark colors, and there were green and black banners dotted here and there. A few of them featured Remus’s symbol.

“And this is my castle,” Remus said, sounding nervous. “You are always welcome here, Logan. Even when I’m not here with you. I’ll make sure they know to let you through.”

The horse broke into a trot as it approached the gate. Upon closer inspection, Logan could see the castle was surrounded by a moat, and there was definitely something swimming in the moat. The gate was opened as Remus came up to the gate, and he swiftly rode in. Logan stifled a gasp when he saw the guards and other servants. They were all various monsters or zombies, and a few hellish looking hounds (Logan meant that literally) barked at them as they got off the horse.

“Your Grace,” Remus handed the horse off to one of the servants as someone walked up. Logan could see it was a female zombie in grand armor that was stained with old blood and scratched here and there. Her hair was cut very short, and her eyes were sharp and gleamed with authority.

“Your Grace,” she repeated. “We are very happy to see you back. Are you well?”

Her voice was figurative steel, but Logan could sense a bit of affection beneath it. It was interesting as he looked around. So much life bustling about the castle, but there seemed to be a unanimous sense of relief. They were all happy to see Remus return...

“Logan,” Remus gave a small smile. “May I present... General Melantha Bloodstone. My strongest and most trusted General. She is in charge until I can... take up my duties again.”

“Everything has been going well, Your Grace,” Melantha pressed a fist against her chest and bowed. “We have had no more problems than usual. The Northern tribes do currently have a conflict, but they have agreed to let it lie until you return and they can seek your wisdom.”

Logan noticed that she too had a green handprint on the center of her breast plate.

“I take it this is Logan the Wisdom Bearer?” Melantha looked down at the shorter Logan, making him shuffle nervously.

“Wisdom Bearer?” Logan repeated. Remus blushed slightly, cheeks tinting green with it.

“Um... just a title I gave you,” he said. “Everyone has one.”

He cleared his throat and started walking off.

“Anyway! Come this way and I’ll show you what’s inside!”

Melantha shared a look with Logan and she gave him the tiniest of smiles...


	22. Not a Failure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus gets his turn with Emile...

“Gerald, dump these in, please...” Roman handed a bowl or sliced carrots over to the raccoon that was currently helping him. Gerald carried the bowl over and dumped it into the large pot that was bubbling over the fire. A couple of squirrels were stirring it with a large wooden spoon. 

“Yes, that’s perfect Zeke and Mel,” Roman smiled at the squirrels, turning back around to chop some onions. “Keep it up and this is sure to be a grand feast. It already smells amazing.” 

He paused in his onion chopping to glance into the living room. Virgil and Patton were both snuggled into the blanket and watching something on tv. They both looked peaceful enough, and it made Roman smile. Maybe there was hope for everyone yet... 

“It’s hard,” Janus sighed. “On the one hand I want to speak to him and try to at least work through our issues... but at the same time, I’m worried it might make things worse.” 

“Why do you think it would make things worse?” Emile asked. 

“He’s... he’s found another family,” said Janus. “He’s happier with them. They treat him better than I did. I feel like bringing up past issues will just cause friction, and maybe I should just leave it alone.” 

“Sweeping problems under the rug doesn’t solve them,” said Emile. 

“Out of sight, out of mind,” Janus shrugged. 

“Untrue,” Emile countered. “Sweeping a problem under the rug creates a lump in it. And no matter how hard you try to ignore it, you will see that lump and feel it when you walk over the rug. And if you’re not careful, that lump can make you trip and hurt you even worse.” 

Janus sighed again. This man was infuriating! Why did he always advocate for actually solving a problem instead of bandaid solutions? One was always much easier to do and it wasn’t the one that Emile argued for. He knew that ignoring the problem was bad, but sometimes that’s what Self Preservation was forced to do... 

“I understand that things are tense,” said Emile. “And it’s normal, considering the situation. Changes like this are bound to affect everyone to some degree. Especially someone like you, whose very job is to help keep the peace within Thomas’s mind.” 

“Which is considerably harder now that Virgil hates me,” Janus muttered. 

“I don’t think he hates you,” Emile mused. “It sounds more like he’s hurt and the problem was never addressed and so it’s had time to fester and get worse.” 

“Yes, please tell me how much I failed him,” Janus snapped. “I do so enjoy being constantly reminded of my failures.” 

“You’re using sarcasm as a defense mechanism and so I will forgive you for saying that,” said Emile. 

Janus rolled his eyes, arms fully crossed and posture slightly hunched. He was every bit as defensive as he could get, short of curling up in the position most snakes did when they were preparing to strike. Granted, he didn’t want to strike at Emile, he knew Emile was right and that Emile was trying to help. But after being vilified for so many years, Janus felt as though Emile’s words were just rubbing salt into the ever present wound. 

He was tired of being told that he was wrong. He was tired of being told that his ideas were bad. He was tired of everyone treating him as some kind of Disney villain. He had once worn that character as a type of armor, hoping that by playing his part it wouldn’t hurt as much. But it still had, and it never made things better like he had hoped... 

“Are you drifting away?” Emile asked. 

Janus flinched and shook his head. 

“No,” he said. “As far as I know, only Remus does that.” 

“And you’ve been able to help him through those episodes?” Emile asked. “It must not have been easy...” 

“It wasn’t,” Janus shook his head again. “Try keeping a child from hurting themself when they’re screaming about headless pigs trying to eat them. Though I think the ones where he just... went quiet were even worse. If he’s seeing things, I at least know what the problem is. If he goes quiet... then I can’t really help him.” 

“So Remus required more care than Virgil did?” Emile asked. 

“Not so much that, it’s more... Virgil seemed to have a better handle on his anxiety than Remus did on his intrusive thoughts. And Virgil didn’t really... lash out.” 

“So both required extra care, it’s just that one was more obvious than the other,” Emile nodded and made a note. 

“Look, I know I messed up!” Janus snapped. “I should have treated them equally and not made it so one sided, but I didn’t! I didn’t know what the hell I was doing! I had no other support because the saintly Light Sides decided that we were bad for Thomas and banished us! What the hell was I supposed to do?!” 

“I’m not saying that,” Emile used a gentle tone. “I know it was hard for you, and the fact that you kept at it and didn’t give up is very admirable. The rules of parenting are not etched into stone, and you must learn to adapt to the needs of your children. One of the biggest questions in parenting is what to do if a child needs more than the other. Many parents struggle with giving equal affection when they have multiple children, and it’s near impossible to do so. You did your best, and that’s all anyone can hope for. Granted, perhaps things went wrong in certain circumstances, or some things could have been handled better. But I’m not saying you were a total failure as a parent.” 

Janus’s breath hitched and his eyes widened slightly. His mouth opened a few times before he spoke again. 

“S-Say that again.” 

“You were not a total failure as a parent.” 

“... Say that again.” 

“You were not a total failure as a parent.” 

“Say that again!” 

“You were not a total failure as a parent.” 

Emile handed over a box of tissues as Janus began to cry. It felt so good to finally be told that he wasn’t a failure. He’d told himself that he’d done his best, but he never believed himself. Such words felt like a lie on his tongue. But Emile wouldn’t lie about this. Emile would tell the truth. And it felt better than anything he’d ever been told before... 

“I know it feels like Virgil is happier with new people,” said Emile. “But you cannot just brush this problem aside. You and him both need to work it out if only to give you two the closure you need and deserve. It won’t be easy, and it will probably hurt. But think of it as removing a bad splinter or a rotten tooth. It will feel better when it’s over.” 

Janus knew it was going to be difficult. He was prepared for it. As Self Preservation, he had dealt with quite a lot of pain and hardship in the name of keeping Thomas sane and healthy. Especially since he had so many against him all these years. But he was not a quitter. He would not give up. 

If not for himself, then he would do it for Thomas and Virgil and Remus...


	23. Another Author's Note

Hey all my puppers!

So I was gonna apologize for posting another note instead of an update, but... this is a pretty good reason to post a note.

First of all, don't freak out. I am not abandoning this story. I'm still working out the plot, mainly trying to decide how much longer I want this story to go on for. Originally, it was only supposed to be like five chapters at most, and we all see how that turned out. Also, I am slowly falling back into the FNAF fandom, hence why I've been working on Food, Family, and Fun (I have even less of an idea for the plot of that one, so I'm winging it for now). I also want to try to update To Repair a Broken Bridge soon because I miss writing Tristan, Vixen, and Devlin (I remember there were a lot of Loxen shippers).

So while I'm working on all that, I wanted to take a moment to thank you guys. All the comments, both the short ones and the long essays, always make me happy. You will never know how much joy it brings me to see that I have a new comment in my inbox. And I always get excited when I post a new chapter because I can't wait to see how everyone reacts to it. I'm also glad that a lot of you are taking Emile's words to heart and that I've been able to help some of you feel better through his dialogue. You will be seeing more of him and he will have more life lessons to share.

So overall, I want to thank you guys again. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I'm happy and glad that I've got readers like you guys.

Hope you all have a wonderful day! Be good puppers and take care of yourselves!


	24. Long Live the King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heavy is the crown of a king that sits upon the head of a duke...

Logan had to admire the attention to detail.

The inside of the castle was just as nice as the outside. Green still seemed to be the predominant color, and most wood and stone were dark in color. The hallways had paintings and other tapestries. Some depicted Remus doing various things, but others were of creatures and people that seemed to have been created by Remus.

There were even stained glass windows. Most were of gothic and abstract designs, save for a section of hallway where three windows showed three different individuals.

One window depicted Remus dressed in all his kingly glory and with his morningstar raised high.

The second window depicted Janus, standing tall and confident with all six arms out and splayed to his sides.

The third window... was boarded up. But Logan could see a hint of purple between the gaps in the boards.

“These are amazing,” Logan said, walking closer to examine the window of Janus. Tiny little pieces of glass made up the scales that showed on his face. The folds of his cape were done artfully and beautifully.

“Thanks,” Remus beamed behind him. “I worked very hard on them. I wanted to do a nice painting, but they kept turning out wrong or ruined. So then I tried to do a nice statue, but they kept crumbling or breaking. So I thought, if everything breaks, then I can do stained glass. Granted, I had to keep putting the pieces back together because they kept breaking apart. Took a lot of time, but I managed it. I wanted to make something nice for my family...”

“That... was rather clever,” Logan said, moving on to examine Remus’s window. Indeed, now he could see the subtle cracks and breaks in the glass. “You managed to find a loophole in your abilities and created something beautiful.”

“Yeah, but it’s really hard to find a loophole, let alone get it to work for me...” Remus sighed, moving to stand before Janus’s window.

Logan watched Remus glance between Janus’s window and the one that had been boarded up a few times before Remus finally shook his head and muttered something. Logan decided not to ask. It seemed to be a sensitive topic...

“I wanted to ask,” he said, following after Remus as the other walked further down the hallway. “I noticed there were markings on a lot of the creatures and people here. They were either red or green. Do they have some kind of significant meaning?”

“Not really,” Remus chuckled. “It’s just an easy way for Roman and I to keep track of who made what. My marks are a simple handprint. His are that red line across the face. I think he was inspired by Lion King...”

“But then... why were there creatures that had Roman’s marking in your woods?” Logan asked.

“Roman creates beasts and monsters for him to fight and defeat and have his princely adventures with. It’s not uncommon for them to get tired of it and come to my realm seeking refuge. I let them stay and find a home. The Dragon Witch has been by a few times, but... she’s stubborn. She wants to defeat Roman once and for all,” Remus shrugged.

He opened a nearby door that led to an enormous and grand room. A green rug ran the length of the room, from the heavy doors to the dais and throne. More tapestries lined the walls, and the ornate chandeliers lent light as well as dripped blood.

The throne itself was made of dark wood and carved to look as if a wave of octopus tentacles had sprouted behind it. It had green cushions and what looked like teeth and bones lining the sides and the arm rests. The carpet around it was stained with blood as well.

Logan glanced at Remus, seeing the other staring at the throne.

“Aren’t you going to sit in it?” Logan asked, walking closer.

Remus flinched and shook his head.

“I-I don’t deserve it,” he said, looking away. His furred cloak vanished, leaving him in his usual Duke outfit. He slowly moved closer, but kept a further distance than Logan did.

Logan was still holding Remus’s crown, carefully running his thumb over the engravings. It was understandable that Remus was renouncing his kingship, but still strange. Logan knew Remus was dealing with far too many other things to carry the burden of his kingdom, and obviously everything had left him feeling empty.

“You sit in it,” Remus said suddenly. “It’s very comfy, I promise. I’ll even give you permission to wear my crown if you want.”

Logan blinked in surprise. Remus had just given him a great honor as easily as if he’d just offered Logan a breath mint. What kind of king gave up his crown and throne so easily?

Remus’s smile looked strained, and Logan had a feeling that declining would make things worse. With a smile of his own, he carefully put the crown on his head and sat down on the throne. Remus had been correct in saying that it was comfy. The teeth and bones had been carefully arranged to not get in the way of anyone sitting down, and the cushions were very soft and plush. They had obviously been broken in long ago.

“Why won’t you wear your crown or sit in your throne?” Logan asked.

Remus’s smile faded, his excited look withering into self doubt once again. Remus knew the answer to that question. He’d always been so sure of himself. So sure of where he stood in life. So sure of his abilities and his allies. But now he wasn’t sure of anything. Everything had crumbled around him and left him feeling no better than a beggar on the streets. True, Logan and Emile were helping him, but he just wasn’t there yet.

Remus had snuck back to his kingdom at night while Logan had been sleeping. He’d done so to appoint Melantha as his temporary replacement and explain (in a very vague and edited way) that he was needing a bit of a break and would return when he was ready. He’d checked in a few times since then, but he’d always done so alone. It was a personal manner. This kingdom was his greatest creation, one that he guarded and defended with every fiber of his being. It was his core, his very identity. And yet... he felt unworthy of it all.

“I was once a powerful king,” he said softly. “I had allies on my side, and I put my very heart and soul into every brick in these walls. Every person hear whose heart beats... it beats in sync with my own. Existence granted by my hands. Will and life granted by my words. But everything’s different now. My allies have all left and I am alone. My heart no longer beats for this place because... I feel unworthy of it. What kind of king am I to be abandoned like this? To have my allies turn their backs on me. What kind of king am I and have I been that this could happen?”

He looked Logan in the eyes and growled.

“Not a king at all. Merely a man in a crown...”

Ah, so Logan had been correct. Janus’s departure had shattered Remus’s confidence not just in himself, but in others. Remus didn’t know who he could rely on anymore. He still held doubts that it hadn’t been his fault. No doubt, he still saw Janus just like he had seen him for years: a guardian. Someone he obviously admired. Someone he just wanted to come back and forget everything that had happened.

“Remus,” Logan stood up and put his hands on the other’s shoulders. “It wasn’t your fault. I know you probably don’t believe me, but it’s the truth. Janus chose to leave for selfish reasons. You did not drive him away, and he did not leave because you are not worthy of love. And even if he’s left, you have other allies now. You have me and Emile and Patton and even Roman wants to make things right with you. We are here for you. You don’t have to carry this burden alone. We’ll help you carry it.”

He removed the crown and carefully helped Remus take it into his own hands.

“This kingdom is yours. No one else can rule it. No one else _should_ rule it. _You_ are the rightful king. And _you_ are worthy of your crown. Please believe me, Remus. I would not lie to you...”

Lie...

Jannie was a liar. Jannie had lied to him before. The others had lied to him before...

But not Logan.

Never Logan.

Logan had always been fair, he’d always told the truth. When Thomas had been scared, Logan could have lied with the others, but he had told the truth and showed Thomas how harmless Remus was.

Logan had never lied before, so... could he be telling the truth now? Was Remus really worthy of his crown? Could he really return to his duties after being away for so long? Could he become the king he once was?

And most of all... was Remus really worthy of love?

Remus wanted to believe. He wanted to believe so badly. Logan believed in him, Emile believed in him, even Patton believed in him.

Was Remus really going to call them all liars...?

And just like that, Remus felt as if he was finally standing on stable ground. A tempest of dark turmoil still stirred beneath it, but Remus actually felt as though he had a chance now. He... he could do this. He could do this! It would take time and effort, and it would probably hurt... but he could do it.

Remus took a deep breath and walked over to the throne. With shaking and hesitant hands, he put his crown on and sat down. He inhaled sharply as the throne came alive, wooden tentacles moving and waving idly. He gripped the arm rests as a bright green glow filled his eyes. A wave of energy rushed outwards, filling the kingdom with hope once again. Remus felt it seep into his mind, his heart, his very soul. His heart was beating once again. It wasn’t in time with the heart of his creations, but he knew it would again eventually.

Logan stared in awe, finally seeing something like the Duke’s old self poking out from the small cracks in the mask of despair that was still attached to Remus’s face.

“It’s good to be back...” Remus gave a sigh that sounded as if he was relieved.

Perhaps he was, deep down...


	25. Made with Love

“And voila! Dinner is served! A hearty beef stew to warm the soul.”

Virgil glanced between Roman and the little creatures that were standing off proudly to the side. He knew damn well they’d been in the kitchen, probably helped with the preparation too.

“They washed their hands, right?” He asked, pointing at the animals nearby.

“Excuse me?!” Roman squawked indignantly. “I’ll have you know they’re probably cleaner than you are.”

“Just making sure,” Virgil put his hands up. “I don’t want to find any hairs in my food.”

Roman grumbled softly as he served the stew. He gave each of them a few slices of fresh baked bread to go with it. Patton leaned down closer to his bowl and inhaled deeply, loving the smell of herbs and spices. He suddenly realized just how hungry he was. Eating food you cooked yourself was one thing, but eating food that someone had lovingly made for you was a different matter. Patton wondered if this was how the others felt when they ate their own meals...

He picked up his spoon and took a bite. Flavor exploded across his taste buds, and the tender meat and veggies nearly melted like butter. It was amazing! Patton could practically taste the love and care that Roman had put into it. It filled Patton with a warmth the likes of which he rarely felt.

“Padre?” Roman sounded concerned. “Are you ok?”

“Patton?” Virgil put a hand on the other’s shoulder.

Patton sniffled, realizing he’d started to cry. Why was he crying? Did it really feel that good? Or was it just the validation that he needed? Emile’s words ran through his head. Sometimes you could only take, and that was ok. There was no shame in letting someone give to you. You didn’t have to keep giving more and more for people to love you...

“I’m fine,” he finally said, taking another bite. “It’s just.... it’s really good. I’m proud of you, Kiddo...”

_I’m proud of you, Kiddo..._

Roman seemed to light up like the Cinderella’s Castle at Disney World. He smiled widely as he sat down to his own meal, and Virgil couldn’t help but give a small smile too. The tension wasn’t so bad now that they were healing.

But perhaps Virgil needed to take a turn with Emile as well. He felt that he could without being judged now...

The next morning found Logan waking up in a luxurious and surprisingly comfortable bed.

Remus had been gracious enough to let Logan spend the night in his royal chambers. The bed alone looked like it could sleep four people comfortably with silky black and green sheets and long velvet curtains on the canopy. Remus had explained that he tended to have back problems from all the adventuring he did, so he preferred a very nice bed (he’d explained that Janus had had to create it for him in order to give him maximum support and comfort).

The rest of the room was as Logan expected: all manner of scientifically disturbing things were on display on the tables and walls. There were a few famous paintings as well and many bookcases were stuffed with horror and gothic books (though a very worn copy of the Kama Sutra was on a table by the arm chairs).

Remus had personally shown off one of his favorite paintings: Olympia. He’d waxed poetic about how much of a scandal the painting had caused when it had been shown to the public and how he aspired to be as scandalous and provocative as the painting. Logan had been impressed by Remus’s knowledge of art, and he’d thrown in his own opinions, much to Remus’s delight.

Along with the grotesque displays, there were quite a few influences that looked as if they’d come from the depths of the ocean. Paintings and motifs of ghost sharks and squids and octopi and other creatures were hidden here and there. There was an enormous, nearly ceiling high mural of what looked to be a giant eel that glared from the wall. Remus had informed Logan that it was something called ‘SCP 3000’. Logan mentioned how the mural made him feel unsettled and nervous. Remus had just laughed and said that it was supposed to.

But now Logan was awake and feeling... rather refreshed. He slid out of the bed, hearing Remus snore loudly behind him, and made his way to one of the covered windows. He threw the curtains aside and saw that it looked like a rather rainy day. Well, he rather loved rainy days...

Logan changed himself into his casual clothes with a snap of his fingers. He debated on waking Remus, but the choice was soon taken from him as there was a loud crack of thunder, and the snoring sputtered to a stop. He glanced back in time to see Remus paw at the empty spot that Logan had been sleeping in before jolting up and looking around in a near panic.

Remus sighed in relief when he saw Logan standing at the window.

“Are you ok?” Logan asked.

“Sorry,” Remus said softly. “I thought you had left...”

The implication hung heavy in the air, and Logan walked back to the bed.

“I wouldn’t leave you,” he smiled. “I just wanted to see how the weather was like. It’s a good storm.”

“Yeah, those are common here,” Remus shrugged. “A lot of the beasts love it. And it’s my favorite weather.”

He got out of bed, wearing nothing but a pair of boxers (though he preferred to sleep nude, he started wearing clothes out of respect for Logan), and snapped himself back into his Duke outfit. His hair looked like a rat’s nest, and he already had a decent bit of stubble going on. Logan had learned that Remus was fully capable of growing a beard to go with his mustache, and it was a chore to keep his face trimmed since his hair grew like a weed.

Remus ran a comb through his hair that looked as if it had been carved from a bone, and smoothed out his mustache.

“What’s on the agenda today?” Logan asked.

“I figured, I’d let you choose,” Remus yawned. “I have a map somewhere that shows my whole kingdom. You can pick a place to go explore. I’m sure something out there will be interesting to you.”

“Everything’s been interesting so far,” Logan smiled. “Though perhaps we should eat first. Breakfast is an important meal, after all. Do you have a dining hall here?”

Remus froze, eyes wide and razer already halfway through its shave. He finished in a few quick and dangerous swipes before turning away from the mirror to face Logan.

“About that...” he mumbled. “Um... well... you know I can’t cook. This also transfers over to my creations. None of them can cook anything edible. My servants here usually eat raw meat or toxic mushrooms or go out and hunt for prey. If we want to eat... we’ll need to go back to the Mindscape. I’m sorry...”

He wilted after his confession, looking sad.

“No, it’s ok,” Logan was quick to reassure him. “I promise. We’ll head back and get some breakfast and then we’ll go exploring. I want to grab a few things that I can use to record what I find anyway. It all works out.”

Remus gave a small smile at that, cheering up at Logan’s words. He once again pulled out the piece of black chalk and traced a door on the nearby wall. It opened to reveal... The Mindscape’s living room.

“After you, then,” Remus gestured to the door.

Logan smiled as he went through, and Remus followed.


	26. Author's Note

Hey guys! So sorry I haven’t posted anything in a while. I just wanted to touch base and say that I was hit hard by Hurricane Sally last Wednesday. I didn’t get my power back until Sunday and finally got my Wifi back today. 

But this means that I will finally be able to update! Stay tuned and I should have something up soon!

Thank you all for your patience, I love you all!


	27. A vote (poll)

Guys, I cannot decide between platonic and romance, so I am gonna let you guys choose.

On the one hand, I am always down for romantic intrulogical, but on the other hand, does romance fit into this story's narrative?

Let me know what you think and vote. Thanks, and I hope you all have a great day!


	28. There's No Place Like Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow! I haven't had to count this many votes since the angst stairs I had on my Tumblr blog. Thank you so much to everyone commenting and letting me know what they think. I am keeping track of the votes and will allow a little more time before I call it and tally them all up. In the meantime, please enjoy this slightly filler chapter.
> 
> WARNING FOR PANIC ATTACK? I dunno if this counts as one, but warning anyway.
> 
> EDIT: Honeybee made this awesome fanart of Remus on his throne. Go see it and marvel at their amazing artistic talent: https://twitter.com/cafe_veneno/status/1309744119753793536

Janus didn’t know why he was here.

Actually, that was a lie. He knew exactly why he was here.

He knew why he’d opened the door. He knew why he’d descended the steps. He knew why he was standing in a dimly lit living room that smelled like death and despair.

He knew why he was standing in the Dark Side of the Mindscape.

Call it whatever you wanted: a foolish thing to do, some sort of twisted way to face his sins, some sort of hope for redemption...

Janus just knew that it was something he had to do. He had to see what Remus had lived through while Janus had been sitting pretty next to Thomas.

The place that had been his home for so long... no longer felt like home at all. The cold and the dark held no comforts for him. The shadows held monsters and secrets, lies he had told, demons that glared at him and mocked and cursed him for what he’d done. The cold was biting and chilled him to the bone, raking against his scales like a steel knife.

Janus shivered and hugged himself. But he could not tell if it was nerves or cold.

The living room was much as he remembered it. The couch was there, bits of stuffing poking through holes and mystery stains covering the cushions. The tv was still on, but it played nothing but flickering white noise. Janus walked over and turned it off.

He wrinkled his nose at the smell of the dirty dishes that were all around. Glasses and plates were broken or stacked haphazardly, utensils were bent or stabbed into the couch or wall. Bowls tipped onto their sides or upended onto the carpet. Dirty crusty bits of food had attracted bugs and grown mold.

Janus held up his fingers to snap the mess away, but he hesitated. Did he have the right to clean this? This had been Remus’s madness. His sorrow. His grief. Cleaning it up felt as though Janus were sweeping it all under the rug. And Emile had already made his feelings known about doing something like that...

Janus shook his head and moved on to the kitchen. An even worse smell hit him, and he gagged into his hand. The food on the ground was more mold than anything, and the bugs were here too. Roaches and ants scurried across the floor, moving from rotten mess to rotten mess. Flies buzzed in the air, landing wherever they wanted. One of the drawers was hanging open, a few things pulled out and set on the counter as if someone had been digging through it.

Janus didn’t even want to think about the state of the fridge or freezer. Best to move on before he lost his lunch.

Janus moved on to the stairs. The railing was broken in certain places, looking as if something had crashed against it and fell to the ground. Considering how some of the jagged wooden edges had green fibers, Janus was willing to bet Remus had been the one to do it.

The wall had graffiti on it. Words written in all manner of things. Pencils, pens, carved into the wall, and a few things that were dried blood. All manner of phrases were written there.

**When is Jannie coming home?**

**I’m all alone.**

**Where is Jannie?**

**When will Thomas jump from a moving car?**

**What if Thomas drank drain cleaner?**

**It hurts.**

**I’m hungry.**

**Why are tears so salty?**

**What if tears were made of sewage water?**

**The shadows are mean.**

**It’s too quiet.**

**Jannie**

**Jannie**

**I can’t do this**

**What if I shoved skewers in my eyes?**

**Can I die?**

Janus felt tears fall from his eyes as he climbed the stairs and looked over what had been written on the walls. It was like a macabre chart of Remus’s descendance into madness. He could practically pinpoint where Remus had become a danger to himself, where Remus had given up hope, where Remus had accepted the fact that Janus wasn’t coming back.

It made Janus ill. He wanted to wash it all away. He wanted to run to Remus and hold him and beg for his forgiveness. Promise him that he’d never leave again, that he’d always be there to take care of him. But Janus had made those promises before. When Virgil had left, Remus knew he was part of the reason why. It had been a harsh reality to face and learn: that people would leave him if he wasn’t careful...

Janus had promised him then that he wouldn’t leave like Virgil had. He knew that Remus needed help to survive, and he loved Remus like a son. He would always be there for him.

Oh, how that promise tasted bitter in Janus’s mouth.

Janus glanced down the hallway where the lights were completely out. It reminded him of the horror games Remus liked to play. And he’d watched enough to know that going into that darkness was the last thing he wanted to do. The door to Remus’s room was just there beyond the hall light’s barrier. The door was wide open, and it looked as if it was hanging off its hinges.

Janus swallowed heavily and quickly made his way back down the stairs. He needed to leave. He needed to leave now. He needed to get back to the light side-

Oh, but Fate really hated him today.

Janus watched as a familiar door began to form on the wall. A door of dark wood with an octopus carved door knob. Janus didn’t know what to do. In his mind’s eye, he saw a double headed snake. One head hissed at him to run. The other hissed at him to stay. Both promised pain for whichever action he chose to do, and so Janus didn’t know which one to listen to.

His time swiftly ran out as the door opened to reveal Remus and Logan. Remus followed Logan into the living room and Janus gasped.

Remus looked so happy.

His skin was practically glowing with happiness, his eyes bright and full of life. He was smiling, he was moving freely and joyfully, even if Janus could still see the weights in his mind. He hadn’t recovered completely, but damn if he didn’t look amazing. Logan had been incredibly good for him. Remus had gotten the help he’d needed, even if it hadn’t been Janus who had given it to him.

And that fact simply drove the dagger deeper into Janus’s heart. Another reminder of how he’d hurt his son. How he’d messed up...

Remus finally noticed Janus and gasped softly, freezing in place. Logan glanced between the two before moving to stand closer to Remus. He put a hand on Remus’s shoulder, tracing letters through the fabric of his shirt. Remus softly mouthed each letter as Logan did so, the actions grounding him and keeping him here and now.

But he was still close to drifting away.

Jannie was here. He didn’t want Jannie here. He didn’t want to be reminded of what had happened. He didn’t want to be reminded of all the pain he’d gone through. He just wanted to forget everything and go upstairs with Logan so that they could get something to eat-

Upstairs?

Remus glanced around. He wasn’t in the Light Side living room like he’d thought. He was back here. He was back in the Dark Side. Of course, his door would never open into something as good as the Light Side. He’d been so happy and carefree with Logan that he’d forgotten. And now he was back here and _it was dark and cold and there was the smell of rotten food and the buzz of insects-_

“Remus!”

He was falling, but someone grabbed him. Someone held him close. They were soft. They were strong. They smelled really good.

But everything felt wrong. His body was full of fuzzy static, slowly pulsing in his limbs and head. There were words, but they were muffled. What were they saying? What was happening? It had to be something bad...

He didn’t want to think about it. He wanted to close his heavy eyelids and fall asleep in these warm arms.

He was so tired...


	29. Self Preservation Vs Logic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did I write this chapter just to give Logan some cool powers? Maybe...
> 
> Also, the votes have been tallied and Romance won in a land slide victory. However, I have decided we will have romance, but no smut because I cannot write smut to save my life. And it will be the soft romance you all love. I am also going to not make it some overnight romance. It's going to take time for these two dorks to realize their feelings for each other. And Remus is going to get back on stable ground first.
> 
> So this means that this story is going to be even longer so that we can continue this slow burn. I'm honestly amazed, this story was supposed to have been five chapters at most and now look at it. But this will be fun! I love slow burn romances. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who voted and to everyone who reads, comments, and gives kudos. Your comments give me so much life and happiness and I could not have gotten this far without you all. Hope you all have a great day!

Janus needed to leave. He needed to leave now. He needed to get very very far away from here. He turned to leave-

“Don’t you dare!”

Janus froze up, hearing the authority in Logan’s voice. Logan wasn’t even in any position of authority, why was he obeying? He was self preservation! And right now, preservation was demanding that he leave.

But he was also tired and feeling so emotional... Self Preservation was also demanding that he break down and release all the pent up feelings he’d been collecting ever since Logan had berated him at the meeting so long ago.

“Logan, I need to go,” Janus said softly. “Look at what I did. He still can’t stand the sight of me-”

“I don’t think that was entirely your fault,” Logan said. He snapped the nearby couch clean and carefully laid Remus out on it, wrinkling his nose at the smell. He saw all the filth and dishes on the ground raised his hand to snap that all clean as well.

“Don’t!” Janus grabbed Logan’s wrist. “This is not your mess to clean. We have to ask Remus first or else he may think we’re just trying to pretend nothing happened.”

Logan stared at the other as he snapped his fingers. The mess vanished, taking the rotten smell with it.

“I highly doubt he will think that of me. I like to think he trusts me,” he said.

_He trusts me..._

Yes, Janus could tell. He knew Remus well. He knew all of Remus’s tells and spoke his body language fluently. While Remus was very vocal, speaking of many things all the time, there were often times when he didn’t really say much. Janus had to read between the lines and watch his movements carefully to figure out what was on Remus’s mind.

Especially on the days when Remus spoke and spoke and spoke involuntarily. The days when Remus physically could not stop...

“He doesn’t trust me,” Janus shook his head. “Not anymore, and I don’t blame him. It’s why I need to leave. I’ll only upset him.”

“You can’t keep running from this,” said Logan. “Remus decides if he wants to talk or not, but you two ended up in the same room for a reason, I’m sure of it. We’ll ask him what he wants to do when he wakes up. If he wishes for you to leave, then you may. Until then, you will sit here and wait with me.”

Janus hissed softly, baring his fangs at Logan. The downside of being emotional was that anger often popped up more than the other emotions. And he was angry. It was mostly at himself, but now Logan was giving him a new target to focus it on, and it felt good to finally be angry at someone else...

“You have no right to speak to me that way. As if I’m so child, or some inferior that you can just order around-”

“I have every right,” said Logan. “I’m the one who has been patiently and carefully cleaning up the mess you left down here, figuratively and now literally. And even if Remus _is_ a mess, he deserves all the care I can give him and more. If you leave this room, I will drag you back. This cannot go on any further. Both of you are suffering for it.”

Janus hissed again, eyes flashing gold. While Self Preservation and Logic mostly worked together, there were times when they would be pitted against one another. They would fight. Sometimes self care went against logic. Sometimes logic went against self care. Sometimes it was as simple as the toss of a coin...

“I’m leaving,” said Janus. “Remus knows where I am. He can come to me when he’s ready-”

“You are emotional,” Logan’s eyes glowed blue. “You are not thinking clearly. This has all been affecting you too. You too have been broken...”

In his mind’s eye, Logan could see Janus clearly. Janus was splayed open, graphed, measured, labeled, dissected and uncovered until Logan could see all the little pieces and logic them into a completed puzzle. Logan knew the mind well. He knew human nature well. He’d been guided and taught by the words and minds of experts from all over. Knowledge was power, and it gave Logan great power.

Janus froze, feeling vulnerable under Logan’s gaze. It was nearly painful, feeling as if his very flesh and muscle and soul were all being stripped away to be examined under a powerful microscope.

“You’ve lost trust in yourself,” Logan continued. “You are second guessing your acceptance. You nearly regret it. Nearly. You are full of guilt over what you did and seeing Remus like this, seeing this place like this... it only drives the figurative sword in deeper. Your very existence is hanging by a thread... and Remus is the one holding it. You fear what may happen If he never forgives you. Am I wrong?”

Janus was cold. He was so very cold. He was naked, he was nauseous, he was dizzy, he was...

He was...

He was right. Logan was right. Logic had prevailed and shredded through Janus’s weak defenses. He felt empty, as if Logan had reached in and pulled out all the toxic feelings that Janus had been harboring for weeks. It was oddly relieving... and terrifying at the same time. Janus had nothing left to hide behind. He had no further words to say to defend himself. It was all laid out on a table and all he could do was acknowledge it all.

“I... you’re right,” he said softly. “I am Icarus who flew too close to the sun, and now I am drowning in the sea that has claimed me. Remus was my wings... my beautiful wings... and I have lost him. I have felt so much guilt ever since that day you confronted us. I was so happy when Thomas finally accepted me. I was finally vindicated! Finally free of all the suffering you Light Sides put me through... and in turn I passed that suffering onto Remus. My cloak is made of guilt and my gloves are stitched with fear and sorrow. I wanted Remus to forgive me for what I did, but lately... I feel as if I do not deserve it. And I fear his forgiveness may break me completely. I am a two headed snake that wishes for both forgiveness and damnation. Because I know I deserve to suffer...”

“No one deserves to suffer,” Logan sighed. “And you should not wish yourself to suffer. Emile once told me that suffering is boulder you will continuously push up a hill. It will always prevent you from achieving the solution you want. And I think it’s very true. If you want to solve this, you must believe that you can do so. Use logic. Use emotion. Use whatever you must. But don’t cast yourself into Hell before you’ve been judged...”

Janus sniffled, scrubbing at his eyes with his scaled hand. He knew Logan was right. He knew this self pity would bring about nothing good, and Emile had even told him that he wasn’t a failure. But he didn’t believe it. How funny that the liar believed that it was the others who were lying...

“Sit down,” Logan said, arranging Remus so that his head laid in his lap. He gently began to pet Remus’s hair. “He will wake up soon, and we will all have a lot of things to talk about...”

Janus did so, unable to think of anything else to do.


	30. Logic Vs Intrusive Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan uses his powers on Remus (sorry we got another kinda filler chapter)

While Logan and Janus argued, Remus was having a nightmare.

It was one of the drawbacks of being forbidden creativity. His nightmares were far worse than anything Thomas had ever experienced. They were enough to cause heart attacks in some people, and Remus certainly felt his heart pounding now. Maybe it would burst from his chest and sail across the room to splatter on the wall. Wouldn’t that be something?

His lungs ached as he struggled to breathe. No matter how much he gasped and wheezed, he felt as if he couldn’t get enough air. His chest burned in agony, causing Remus to collapse to his knees.

He was back in that hellhole. The Dark Side living room. It was just as cold and dark as he remembered. He could hear voices mocking him and laughing cruelly. He could see monsters lurking just behind the veil of shadows in the corners. HIs thoughts were doubling, tripling, folding over themselves as they grew and multiplied. It was too loud and too quiet at the same time, sending Remus reeling.

“No,” he gasped. “Nononononononono! Please! Please no! Please, I beg you!” He sobbed harshly, clenching his eyes shut against the burn of his tears. “Please...” he whimpered softly. “Please, not again...”

“What’s wrong, Remus?”

Remus gasped and looked up. It was Emile! He was smiling at Remus with that warm smile that always made Remus feel safe.

“I...” Remus sniffled. “I’m alone again...”

Emile tilted his head, his expression morphing into a curious one.

“Are you?” He asked. “Why does it matter? You didn’t mind being alone before. Why does it matter now?”

“Because I like how Logan takes care of me!” Remus screeched. “And I loved how Jannie took care of me too! I can’t take care of myself, I can’t survive on my own... I-I can’t be alone... it h-hurts...”

“But are you really so alone?” Emile asked, kneeling down. “I know you don’t count Janus on your side, but you have others, don’t you?”

“They’ll leave,” said Remus. “Like the others. They’ll leave me and never come back. I’ll be trapped down here again.”

The shadows began to grow, releasing ghostly wails into the air. The darkness twisted and turned, coming closer and closer, swallowing the living room as it did.

“Do you really think that?” That wasn’t Emile...

Remus looked again and saw Logan kneeling instead. Remus threw himself forward, wrapping his arms around Logan’s neck.

“Logie! You’re here!” He sobbed into the other’s shoulder. “Logie, please... please help me. I need you. I’m sorry. Please, I’m so sorry, just h-help m-m-me...”

“Do you really think I’d leave you?”

“Won’t you?” Remus’s mouth quivered as he tried to restrain his grief. “You’ll get tired of me. You’ll get tired of taking care of me. Thomas will start showing you more attention... something will happen. And when it does...”

“Remus,” Logan cupped his face. “Use your logic...”

(In the waking world, Janus could swear that he saw blue sparks erupt from Logan’s fingers as Logan continued to pet and stroke Remus’s hair)

“Have I ever complained about taking care of you?” Logan asked. “Have I expressed any sort of annoyance at your presence? Do we not have good times together? Dare I say... fun times? Do we not listen to each other when we speak? Do we not read together and just... enjoy each other’s company?”

Remus blinked, slowly feeling his mind calm as Logan’s logic took hold. His eyes grew sharper, and he could think clearer. The shadows around them writhed and shrunk back as if in pain, growing smaller and smaller until they vanished and the lights in the living room came on, bathing the two in their soft glow.

“You... you won’t leave,” Remus said softly. “You won’t leave. You won’t leave! You won’t leave!”

His voice grew stronger and louder with each word as he believed them more and more. Logan was right. Logan was his friend. Logan wouldn’t abandon him like the others had. Logan... Logan was different.

And that thought made Remus feel so much better.

“There, there,” Logan rubbed Remus’s back. “I know it’s hard.”

“But you have made so much progress,” Emile was back, and he was smiling again. “I’m so proud of you. You have overcome so much and even now you refuse to let these old shadows drag you back in. That takes tremendous strength and courage.”

“And you’re never alone, Kiddo,” Patton had appeared. “You’re part of the famILY! Even if you don’t see me as your dad, I’d love to count you as one of my Kiddos. Even if I have to cook you shrimp and fish for the next billion years, I’ll do it. I care about you, Remus.”

“And even if I haven’t had a chance to really apologize... I’ll be here too. I’ll wait until you let me say how sorry I am.”

“Roman...” Remus smiled at the prince. “Brother...”

They were right. He had no reason to fear the dark now. He wasn’t alone anymore. He had a family. He had friends. He had people who cared about him. And they did care about him. Whether it was through talking to him, making him food, helping him stay clean, or exploring his kingdom with him.

The journey wasn’t over yet, he knew. It would still take time until everything was ok, but that was normal. Emile had always assured him that every path was different, and some were longer than others. If Remus wasn’t where he wanted to be yet... that was ok. He had time, and he had people to help him.

“Logan,” Remus frowned. “I... I don’t want to talk to Jannie...”

“If you really don’t, then we’ll leave when you wake up,” said Logan. “But I really do believe that talking to him will help you both. The longer you put it off, the harder it will be.”

“Best to just rip it out like a rotten and infected tooth?” Remus asked.

“With the proper tools,” said Logan. “I’ll be there to help you if you need it, or if things get out of hand. But the final decision is yours. No matter what, I’ll support it.”

Remus pursed his lips as he thought about it. The others had vanished and it was once again just him and Logan. He sighed, knowing what he was going to do, and not liking it one bit. But Logan was right. He had to stop running. He’d feel better to talk to Janus now and not later...

“I’ve decided,” he said. “I... I’m ready.”

“I’ll be there at your side the whole time,” Logan smiled. “I promise.”

Remus gasped as he woke up. He quickly sat up and looked around. He was still in the living room, but this one was real. Logan was there on the couch with him, and...

There was Janus. He was sitting in the arm chair.

 _His_ arm chair.

Remus felt his heart twist as he realized that now he was once again having to face reality. He knew this was going to hurt, but... he had to do it. It had to end.

Taking a deep breath, Remus arranged himself so that he was sitting next to Logan. He slowly focused his eyes on Janus and sighed.

“We need to talk...”


	31. Clearing the Air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the abrupt ending...

Logan glanced between the two.

Remus was looking at the floor, eyebrows furrowed, looking as if he was gathering his thoughts. Janus looked nervous. Keeping his eyes on Remus and looking as if he was waiting for a judge to determine if he should get a life sentence or not.

Finally, the silence got to be too much.

“Remus,” Janus said softly. “I’m so so-”

**“Don’t.”**

Logan had never heard so much power in one word. So much emotion in one word. And Remus hadn’t even raised his voice.

“Don’t apologize yet,” Remus said, finally looking at Janus. “Not until you know what you are apologizing for. So please... don’t speak yet. Stay quiet until I’m finished. And know that this is extremely hard for me in so many ways.”

Janus nodded. He understood well. Emotions was never Remus’s strong suit. Identifying them and expressing them was never a skill he possessed. Oftentimes Janus had had to read between the lines to understand what Remus was feeling or thinking, and he’d gotten rather good at it.

And he could see it now.

The way Remus fidgeted and tapped his foot, the way his eyes moved and focused on one thing after another, the way his brow furrowed and his teeth chewed at his lower lip...

Janus knew that Remus was very conflicted. But in Remus’s eyes, Janus could see the shadows of fear and longing. He could see shades of sorrow and regret. But over all, he could see the dark haze of uncertainty. Uncertainty in himself...

Logan reached out, setting his hand on Remus’s shoulder. Remus tensed, but then he relaxed slightly, drawing strength from Logan’s presence. He wasn’t alone. He was not alone. He was not alone.

He could do this.

“You... you hurt me,” he finally managed to say. “More than you know. More than you might ever know.”

Janus felt tears welling up in his eyes. This was worse than any pain he’d ever experienced. But he stayed still, keeping quiet as Remus had asked.

“I want to ask you a few questions,” said Remus. “And please answer honestly. I will know if you’re lying, I know what you look like when you do.” He paused. “You know that I cannot cook edible food, right?”

“I do,” Janus said softly.

“You know this, but you never came down to give me food or check to make sure I had food, right?”

“Th... that’s right.”

“You know that I cannot take care of myself properly. But you never came down to check on me at all.”

“I-I didn’t...”

“I want to know...” Remus was shaking slightly. “I want to know why you didn’t come check on me.”

Janus opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He tried to speak, but he did not want to answer that question. He sniffled as the tears finally fell, shaking his head slightly.

“Thomas had just accepted me,” he choked out. “I... I was f-finally free from the darkness. I w-was no longer a villain. I-I... I felt... I felt good. I felt amazing. I didn’t want it to stop. I didn’t want... I didn’t want to become a villain again. S-S... So I stayed in the Light Side. I stayed by Thomas. I... I made sure I wouldn’t lose m-my new place...”

He gasped as if speaking was taking all of his power. In a way it was. In a way, he was struggling against his own instincts to lie and save this relationship. He knew the truth was doing harm, but he still spoke it. He would not lie to Remus. Not now.

“In all that time you were gone,” Remus gripped the cushion of the couch, willing himself to not look away from Janus now. To keep eye contact. “Did you ever think of me?”

Again, Janus was silent for a moment.

“I did think of you a few times,” he admitted. “In the beginning. But... I-I convinced m-myself... that you were ok. And then I’d... I’d... f-f-forget...”

Remus closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He tilted his head back, feeling tears slip beneath his closed eyes. His grip on the couch tightened more and more until he was ripping the fabric between his fingers.

A storm of emotion raged within him. Anger, sorrow, fear, self loathing. He had no idea which one he wanted to feel first, but then anger grew into rage, and he suddenly found himself wanting nothing more than to hurt Janus. He wanted to hurt Janus for all the pain he’d caused. For all the uncertain nights, for all the rotten food he’d eaten, for all the days living in darkness with no one for company except for his own twisted thoughts.

But then Emile’s words echoed in the back of his mind.

_When someone hurts you, it’s natural to wish to hurt them back. But you cannot let yourself do it. Doing so may grant you temporary relief from your own pain, but it will not solve anything. It’s like cutting a weed but leaving the root behind. It will simply grow back. Strive to extract the root, don’t just cut it off at the stem._

Emile was right. Hurting Janus now would not solve the problem. It would make Remus feel worse in the long run and their problems would grow back.

Oh, but it was hard. Remus’s rage felt like a fire within, and he nearly felt as if he was burning up from the inside.

“Remus,” Logan’s voice broke through the storm. “Remus, breathe. Remember your breathing exercises.”

Remus breathed with Logan’s guidance, finally opening his eyes and looking back at Janus. Janus’s hands were covering his mouth, and he was crying freely, sounds muffled behind his hands.

“I... blamed myself,” said Remus. “When you left... I blamed myself.”

Logan offered him a navy blue handkerchief, and Remus used it to wipe his face.

“I thought it had been all my fault. Just like when Virgil left. For weeks, this is what I thought. For weeks! I thought that I had chased you off like I did with Virgil,” Remus said. “I was here all alone, Janus. All alone with no one to help me with my thoughts. No one to help me get food. No one to help me clean up. I ate rotten food. The food had mold on it and was crawling with bugs, but I ate it because it was all I had. I hurt myself because of my thoughts. I banged my head against the walls, hoping it would stop them. I destroyed this place because I couldn’t help myself. When I realized that you were gone... I thought I was going to die here. Die or fade away somehow. And I couldn’t even leave because you were doing your job and keeping me away. And do you know what’s the most fucked up thing about all this?”

Remus paused to wipe his face again, and Janus stayed quiet.

“Even though you hurt me... I still wanted you to come back,” said Remus. “I wanted you to come back and I wanted to go back to the way things were. But I can’t. I can’t go back to that, and I don’t want to anymore. I have new people in my life that care about me, and I care about them too. I don’t want to stay down here in the shadows, I want my place too. I want to be accepted by Thomas and I want to stay where I am. And I... I just... I want to work this out. I still love you. You were like my mother and you raised me and I know you do care about me, even though you royally fucked up.”

Janus looked a little hopeful at that.

“I can’t forgive you yet,” said Remus. “And I don’t know when I can. For now... I don’t want to see you. I need to focus on myself first. And I think you do too. And when we’ve fixed ourselves, then we can work on our relationship. But for now, just... keep giving me space. I need time to heal, and I think you do too.”

Janus’s expression was truly heartbreaking, and Remus could feel his resolve crumbling. He wanted to hug him. He wanted to soothe him. He wanted to tell him it was ok and all was forgiven, but at the same time he did not want to.

He had to leave. Now.

Remus abruptly stood up and cleared his throat.

“Come on Logan, let’s go home,” he said. He walked past Janus to the stairs that led to the Light Side, Logan trailing after him.

When they were out of sight, Remus slumped against the wall, pressing a hand to his mouth to stifle his sudden sobs. This was the right thing to do. It hurt, but he knew it had to be done. He just needed to keep going.

“It will be ok,” Logan said softly, helping Remus up the stairs. “I promise. You’re doing the right thing.”

But then why did it feel so wrong?


	32. Phillia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst? Sorry, we're out of angst. May I offer you this instead?

“I told him that I don’t want to see him.” 

Remus was curled into a ball, lying down on Emile’s couch and clutching Logos in his arms. He’d asked Emile for an emergency session, too overwhelmed to deal with what had happened on his own. The first ten or so minutes had just consisted of him steadily working his way through Emile’s box of tissues while he sobbed and whimpered. 

“This is a normal reaction,” Emile assured him. “When someone hurts us, it’s normal to not want to see him. Even if you want to work things out. Sometimes you just need time away from them to better focus on yourself.” 

“He looked so devastated,” Remus mumbled into Logos’s soft fabric. “Like I killed his dog.” 

“Only killed his dog?” Emile raised an eyebrow. 

“Sorry, I don’t have it in me to come up with anything more creative,” Remus sniffled. 

“Understandable,” Emile made a note. “I know you’re worried, but you are making amazing progress. Even if you had some bad days, or you’re having trouble now... it doesn’t erase all the hard work you’ve done. Mental health is often described as a house of cards. One wrong move, or one single external force can bring the whole thing down in an instant. But I prefer to think of it as a sandcastle. Yes, one wrong move or one bad wave can bring down a tower or two, but the base will still be there for you to build from again.” 

“I guess,” Remus said as he finally sat up. 

He buried his face into Logo’s fabric again, inhaling deeply. It smelled like Logan and his room, and he found the scent to be comforting. 

“It may feel like you did the wrong thing, but you didn’t,” said Emile. “I promise. When you have problems like the ones you and Janus have, hiding them and staying silent benefits no one. Only by admitting the problems and solving them can you two hope to have any sort of relationship again. Maybe it won’t be the same one you had before, but that’s not always a bad thing. Sometimes it just means it will be better than before.” 

Remus heaved a sigh. He knew Emile was right. Again. Like always. Still, his stomach burned with guilt and enough anxiety to summon Virgil. Why were emotions so hard? How did his brother deal with them all the time? Was it something to do with the split? Roman was more in tune with his feelings because feelings were seen as good things? Or was Roman only in tune with his good feelings while Remus had mastered the bad ones? 

Well, he didn’t feel like a master now. He felt more like he was being crushed by it all. 

“I will admit,” he said softly. “It did feel kind of good. After he ignored me for so long... during that time all of his attention was on me. He was the one who was sorry. He was the one begging for forgiveness...” 

Emile gave Remus a look, slowly lowering his pencil to his notepad again. 

“I wanted to hurt him,” said Remus. “I wanted to hurt him in all the ways he hurt me. Lock him in my deepest darkest dungeon. Let him fight the rats for crumbs of rotten food. Let him flinch at the shadows. Let him wonder when I’ll be back, if I’ll ever come back. Let him wonder if he’ll just die there!” 

“Breathe, Remus,” said Emile. 

Remus did so, slowly inhaling then exhaling. 

“But I didn’t,” he sighed. “Because I remembered what you said. But some part of me still wants to hurt him.” 

“And that is normal too,” said Emile. “And I’m proud that you didn’t give in to those urges. You’ve really come a long way.” 

Despite it all, Remus couldn’t help but give a small smile at Emile’s praise. 

After his session, Remus felt even more drained than before. But at the same time, he did feel better. The only problem was there was still anger bubbling right beneath the surface like some deadly sea monster. Remus growled low in his throat, letting it bubble up again. Emile had told him that suppressing one’s anger could be bad and sometimes it was better to ride it out with a healthy coping mechanism. Remus jerked his arms and stomped his foot- 

But he froze when he saw fluffy white stuffing rain down from above. His eyes widened when he noticed that Logos was now missing two tentacles. Said tentacles were now clutched in Remus’s other hand. 

“Nonononononono,” Remus whimpered. 

He couldn’t fix this, his abilities would not let him. He’d just make Logos worse. He couldn’t ask Logan or Patton to fix it, they’d be mad at him for ripping Logos in the first place! What was he going to do? 

Remus gasped when he realized that there was someone who could help him. He only hoped they would be willing to. 

Roman was busy working as usual. He crumpled a piece of paper into a ball and tossed it behind him to join the ever growing pile. It was getting hard for him to churn out ideas. Ever since he started talking to Emile, it was like his creative process was slowly unraveling and shifting into something else. His old works just didn’t sit right with him anymore. He felt the need to try something different. But he’d yet to figure out what that ‘different’ was. 

He heard a knock on his door. 

“Come in!” He called, writing a few things down. 

The door slowly opened, and Roman paused. That was far too slow for either Patton or Logan. He turned around, and his eyes widened as he watched Remus close the door behind him. 

“Remus?” He said, standing and walking over. “What are you-” 

“Can you fix it?” 

Remus held out his hands, revealing Logos and his severed tentacles. A bit of stuffing tumbled to the floor. Roman blinked, glancing from Logos to Remus’s face. It was so strange seeing him like this. Without the eye makeup and manic smile, Remus looked different. He almost... he almost looked more like Roman... 

“Please?” Remus sniffled. 

Roman noticed that Remus was crying softly, tears sliding down his face. His heart broke at the sight. Still, he smiled and took Logos into his own hands. 

“Of course I can,” he said. “Come sit down.” 

And so Remus did. He sat in one of Roman’s fancy chairs while the other worked on repairing his dear Logos. Roman could have fixed the plush with a snap of his fingers, but he opted to go the long way with needle and thread. He was quite an accomplished seamster, having made his own outfits. A little repair job on a plush was no trouble at all. And he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want an excuse to talk to Remus. 

He glanced up at his brother to notice that Remus was shaking his legs with nervous energy. He’d stopped crying, at least. That made Roman feel much better. 

“So...” he tried to find something to talk about, “what’s this guy’s name?” 

“Logos,” Remus said softly. 

Roman paused in his work. He didn’t miss the obvious connection to Logan. And as the one who dealt with every shade of love under the sun, he didn’t miss Logan and Remus’s bond. Ah, the sweet taste of phillia. But he could taste a faint hint of something else... 

“Good name,” Roman said, getting back to work. “Listen... I never got the chance to apologize. Really apologize.” 

Remus felt a wave of worry wash over him. After what had happened between him and Janus, could he afford to do the same to his brother? 

“You don’t-” 

“I do,” Roman said. “Because you were right. My first apology did not come from the place it should have. It was selfish and... not really an apology. It’s just... so much had changed so quickly. And the way I was inside tried to resist and stay the same. I’m not saying this as an excuse, I’m just trying to let you know where I was coming from.” 

Remus nodded slowly. Was this... was this good? Roman didn’t look upset. He didn’t look angry. He just seemed... frustrated. Frustrated with himself. Frustrated with how much work it was taking to adjust and integrate into this new mindset that Thomas had now. Remus could empathize. 

“I can’t stay the same, I know that now,” said Roman. “Too much has changed, and... I want to be a better person from it. I’m learning. It’s hard, but I’m toughing it out. And I... I realize I was never really that fair to you. For so long I was bitter and resentful. I blamed you for the Split. I blamed you for King Julius’s death. I felt like you were the reason why we would never know our true potential. I thought you were just some... parasite. A beast. A monster to hide under Thomas’s bed. And... I was embarrassed to be your brother.” 

Remus wilted during Roman’s speech. Roman quickly reached out and placed his hand on Remus’s shoulder. Remus flinched, looking up at Roman in confusion. 

“I am sorry... that I ever felt that way,” said Roman. “So very sorry. I never realized that there are things that you cannot do. And it made sense when it was explained to me. This is why we are here. To do what the other cannot. I learned that. And I learned that creativity is not black and white. It’s the most beautiful rainbow of so many different things. And each one is as important as the next. Whether you’re telling a tale of princes and dragons, or telling a story about murder and mystery. You are every bit as valid as I am.” 

It was like a magic spell. Roman spoke and Remus felt better. He felt as though Roman had purged a bit of the darkness that still clung to him. Not all of it, but some of it. 

“I know this isn’t enough to make up for all these years, but... I hope it can be a good start. I’m kind of curious about what we could create... together,” Roman chuckled. “And speaking of creating, here is your dear Logos back- OOF!” 

Remus had pulled Roman into a tight octopus hug. The kind that clung and squeezed, not wanting to let go. Remus sniffled and cried, but he also giggled. He felt happy. He felt like maybe things would be ok. 

If all else failed... at least he had his brother back.


	33. The King and the Prince

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since you guys loved the last chapter so much, have a filler chapter featuring more brotherly bonding.

Roman was determined to understand his brother better.

Years had been wasted fighting against him as if Remus had been nothing more than some dark twisted version of Roman. A boss battle in a video game. A villain in a novel.

But now Roman saw that Remus was his own person. While they may have split from the same entity, they had changed and become their own people instead of just pieces of a whole. And Roman wanted to see that. Roman wanted to see what Remus could do. And he could think of no other way than finally venturing to Remus’s castle.

Roman had never really gone to Remus’s side of the Imagination. He’d preferred to stay in his own kingdom with his own creations. Creations that were safe and family friendly. Creations that he wouldn’t have to worry about murdering him.

He’d thought that Remus’s realm would be some putrid, crude, place that was full of lewd imagery and fountains of blood. He hadn’t counted on Remus’s talent.

It was a point of pride that Roman had in his own abilities. Creating things for Roman and Remus wasn’t so simple. It was the same as painting a picture or crafting with clay. It required patience and skill and attention to detail. Roman remembered the things he’d created just after the split. Things that looked like poorly rendered figures in a Pixar film or childish drawings. It had taken a lot of practice to build his skills into what they were now.

And, Roman could now see, Remus had been practicing as well.

The forest alone was incredibly beautiful. The trees swayed in the wind and looked to have been meticulously painted with multiple colors to blend into the bark. The night sky looked as if each star had been carefully placed instead of tossed around haphazardly. There were things to feel and smell, and realistic ambiance. It was amazing!

“Wait...” Roman pointed at a beast in the distance. “That one’s one of my creations. How did it get here?”

“Oh yeah...” Remus looked sheepish. “I have more than just that one. Some of them come here seeking shelter. They get tired of fighting you and just come here. I never have the heart to turn them away...”

Roman stared a bit longer before following Remus down the path. So that was another thing he needed to fix now. He’d forgotten that he’d built his realm upon those black and white beliefs. It was time for a major overhaul.

“I had no idea,” Roman said softly. “Do you... do you fight your creations too?”

“Some of them,” Remus shrugged. “We have battles every now and then or... sometimes there’s someone who needs to be taken down a peg or two. I have quite the diverse realm and not everyone gets along.”

Roman nodded in understanding. He had multiple creatures in his realm too. Granted, they didn’t really fight amongst each other...

Seeing Remus’s castle was another thing. The attention to detail was astounding. Each stone, each brick, each banner... it all looked as if they had been lovingly placed one by one. Roman looked at one of the nearby banners and could actually count the individual threads. He couldn’t even fathom how long this place must have taken Remus to build.

Then again... perhaps Remus had had plenty of time if he was as lonely as Roman imagined.

“Hail Prince Roman!”

Roman flinched and spun around, seeing what looked like a zombie in a suit of ornate armor. Again, the detail was amazing, and she stood with a confidence and power that came off as very intimidating.

“Roman, this is Melantha Bloodstone,” said Remus. “My most trusted general. She won’t hurt you, I’ve already told her that you’re welcome here.”

“No harm shall come to you here,” said Melantha. “So long as His Grace looks upon you with favor...”

“Loyal to a fault,” Remus giggled.

“Your Grace, I have news from a courier that there is unrest in the east again. Shall I take my soldiers there to quell it?”

“Not yet,” said Remus. “Let’s hear them out first. Keep your soldiers here, but send a message back that I wish to speak with the leaders.”

“Of course, Your Grace. It shall be done.”

Melantha beat her fist against her breastplate and gave Roman another meaningful look before walking off.

“She is one of my greatest creations,” said Remus. “A confidante... a general... a friend. She always seems to know just what I need. But I’m sure you have someone like that back at your castle, huh?”

Roman... didn’t.

Sure, he had people in his kingdom. But they were a bit...um...

Look, it was difficult enough to create an environment and things within that environment. It was harder still to create fully fleshed out characters with personalities and likes and dislikes. Roman’s people looked pretty on the outside, but the inside was rather... basic. They had jobs and duties to perform. They had a set of dialogue options that would trigger upon certain events...

But they didn’t have the same life as Melantha.

Melantha... was on a whole other level of creation.

Roman actually felt a bit jealous that Remus had been able to create her.

“Sure,” he finally said. “Well... no. My people are more like NPC’s in a video game. How did you manage to create someone like that?”

“I spent a very very very very very very...” Remus continued with the ‘verys’ until he had to pause for breath. “Very long time on her. I wanted her to be perfect, but it took many sleepless nights hunched over her form on that stone table.”

He gestured around the courtyard where other zombies and beasts were roaming.

“I did that with all the sentient creatures. I... well... For the longest time after the split... I felt as though some part of me were missing. It hurt in so many different ways. Janus suggested filling it with creations. He encouraged me to practice and hone my skills and keep creating until I had a world of my own. A world where I wasn’t seen as a monster or villain. A world that was as horrific and bloody as I wanted. A world where I... where I could be myself and no one would care.”

Roman stared at Remus as he spoke, once again feeling guilty. He’d never known the troubles Remus had gone through as a child. His own childhood had been filled with love and praise and all the hugs and kisses Patton could give him. Roman had been majorly spoiled...

“Now don’t get me wrong,” Remus continued. “Janus loved me a lot, and he never neglected me... but I could always feel that I was a burden on him. He’s Self Preservation and I’m all the unwanted thoughts and ideas. Janus had to find ways to keep me restrained. If he had let me run wild... I’ve no doubt that Thomas would be very different now. Maybe even locked up in a mental hospital somewhere...”

Ah there.

The sweet citrus of _Storge._

Roman could taste it on his tongue.

Remus had a lot of love for Janus and saw him as a parental figure. Which meant that the current situation between them... ah, so it was probably torture on them. It seemed things were worse than Roman had thought.

“Don’t worry about that,” he said, changing the subject. “Tell me about your castle. Where did you get your inspiration from? How did you build it? Can I see more?”

Remus’s face lit up as he excitedly began to ramble about the creation process.

Roman smiled as he tasted cotton candy.

_Phillia._

And it was directed at him.


	34. Emotions are Irrational

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now back to your regularly scheduled angst. 
> 
> Warning for panic attack and mentions of dissection. Nothing too graphic, though.
> 
> Also, I apologize if this chapter is a bit cluttered or rushed. I couldn't find any way to make it flow better, I'm sorry.

“I’m not sure what to do. I would have thought we’d have made significant progress considering how many sessions we’ve had, but I am still no closer to a resolution...” 

Logan sighed, sitting on Emile’s couch and fiddling with a rubix cube. He had solved it three times already. Each time Emile would reset it and Logan would work on it again. 

“Everyone’s path to mental wellness is different. You cannot judge your own based on others’. Let’s see if we can make any breakthroughs today. You claim to not have emotions,” said Emile. 

“I don’t,” Logan shook his head. 

“Well... shall we examine that?” Emile asked. “I don’t like to assume that I know more about someone’s mental health then they do, so let’s logic this out, shall we?” 

“I suppose we can,” Logan was still focused on the rubix cube. 

“You rescued Remus after Janus was accepted, correct?” said Emile. “How did you feel when you saw him? Use physical feelings if need be.” 

“I... hmm...” Logan paused. “I felt a certain level of disgust at the state of the Dark Side. It was... extremely unhygienic. But when I saw Remus... my stomach churned in an unpleasant way. I felt this... urge. An urge to take him away. To take care of him. And when I did, it felt good. It was nice... to be needed for once. For someone to depend on me. To listen to me. To take my advice...” 

Logan’s eyes widened. 

“Oh dear, do I have some form of codependency?” 

“I don’t think so,” Emile shook his head. “Some people just have that natural caretaker personality. There’s nothing wrong with that provided they also remember to take care of themselves, and you are taking care of yourself. If anything... you’re taking better care of yourself now that you and Remus have been spending time together. You said that you haven’t been working as hard or as long because you wanted to get Remus on a better schedule. You are eating regularly because you also have to feed Remus. And... dare I say... there is a bit of a spring in your step these days?” 

“But my feet do not have springs on them?” Logan sounded confused. 

“It’s an expression,” Emile chuckled. “It means you seem happier. Maybe in the beginning you took care of Remus because it gave you validation, but I don’t think that’s the case anymore. From what you’ve told me, Remus has slowly been gaining some form of independence from you. Especially now that he and Roman are reconnecting.” 

“I suppose Remus has had some beneficial effects on me,” Logan agreed. “We have formed a sort of... symbiotic relationship. And I... I have rather been... enjoying it. Very much.” 

“So Remus makes you happy?” Emile asked. 

“Remus... I...” Logan paused again. 

He thought back to all the time he’d spent with Remus. Countless days talking and listening to each other. Some days talking about deep philosophical subjects, some days talking about absurd hypothetical concepts and using logic and science to break them down. Some days they didn’t talk much at all and simply enjoyed the other’s silent company while watching movies or television. 

Logan could honestly say that no one had made him happier than Remus had. No one had made him feel like a person and not some shadow on the wall like Remus had. He could remember all the times he’d been explaining something, Remus’s focused on him with rapt attention and asking questions, actually listening to his lectures. Not just listening, but also enjoying them! Whenever he spoke, Remus’s face would light up with happiness and intrigue. No one had ever looked at him like that before. 

And at the same time, Logan enjoyed listening to Remus talk about gothic movements in literature or explain the difference between painters’ styles or recite dark poems and stories he had written. Logan especially loved the stories. Remus was a true thespian who knew how to tell scary stories in ways that sent shivers down Logan’s spine. 

And then there was the time that Logan lay down on an examination table and let Remus dissect him because Remus had asked if he wanted to see what his own organs looked like. 

Spoilers: They looked just like the pictures in his anatomy books. 

But it was still kind of cool. 

Either way, Logan had to admit that he... he... 

The rubix cube slipped from his fingers and tumbled to the floor. 

“Logan?” Emile asked in concern. “Are you ok?” 

“I...I-I...” Logan’s next words caught in his throat. He gasped, feeling a tightness in his chest. Was he panicking? Why? What did he have to feel panicked about? Surely he was mistaken. His conclusion was biased, the variables had been improperly measured, the data was skewed! 

But was it really? 

“Logan!” Emile was suddenly in front of him. “Breathe with me, Logan. Here...” 

Emile guided Logan through some breathing exercises and then handed him a paper cup of water. Logan sipped at it with shaky hands. 

“What happened?” Emile asked. “Do you need to leave? We can finish this another time-” 

“I like Remus.” 

There, rip it off like a bandaid, admit it before he could panic over it again. 

Emile blinked. 

“That’s... good. It’s good to like people,” he said. “I still don’t understand why that would cause such an extreme reaction.” 

Logan knew why. 

“I...I think I might... like him a lot...” he said. “In a way that I’ve never liked someone. I don’t... I’ve never felt this way before, I don’t know what it is. It scares me that I don’t know my own mind when it comes to Remus. I’ve always been sure of myself, I’ve always known how my mind and body react to certain things, but... I have no idea what this could be. And I... I am afraid.” 

Emile nodded in understanding. 

“Certain feelings can be very scary indeed,” he said. “But it can sometimes be very unhealthy to just ignore them. If you’re not sure what you’re feeling, I can help you. It’s my job to determine how your mind is functioning and how to help it get better if needed. But you have to meet me halfway. You must face the fact that you do experience emotions.” 

“Logic is no place for emotions,” Logan mumbled. “Emotions sway your decision making skills.” 

“Maybe so,” said Emile. “But sometimes you need emotions to help you make decisions. Such as right now. Do you want me to help you figure out what you’re feeling? Or do you want to lock it all away and pretend it never happened? And you will lose whatever happiness you have with Remus...” 

Logan thought about it. For him, it was the equivalent of someone offering him water and him saying he wasn’t thirsty when his throat was actually parched. He’d been starved all his life, and he hadn’t realized it until he’d spent time with Remus. Remus gave him what he’d always wanted and needed, and a few things he hadn’t known he wanted and needed. 

He could throw it all away and resume his position as Logic. He could ignore his emotions, and... what? Go back to the way things were before? 

No. 

He didn’t want that. 

And for once... he was going to take what he wanted. 

“I... I may have been mistaken before,” he said. “Perhaps I do... exhibit... signs of certain emotions.” 

“Wonderful,” Emile smiled and sat back down. “Then let’s work on figuring out what those emotions are. I’m going to have you take a few tests...” 

Logan listened to Emile, fear still clawing at the edges of his mind. A voice within told him he was making a mistake, that he should just leave and never come back. 

But Logan ignored it. 

Because more powerful than the voice... was the warm happiness that he was feeling.


	35. The Other Father

“Remus?” Patton knocked on the door. “Remus, I made you lunch. Are you hungry?”

He waited for an answer, but received none. He was worried. He'd seen Remus and Logan go up to their room earlier today and Remus hadn’t looked well. Patton tapped his fingers against the tray he was carrying. There was a plate of fried shrimp, some mac and cheese, potatoes, and two cookies.

“Remus?” Patton tried again. “I’m coming in...”

He slowly opened the door and glanced inside.

Remus was lying on the bed, curled around one of Logan’s pillows. His back was to Patton, but he was eerily still.

Patton closed the door and set the tray on Logan’s desk. He slowly moved over to Remus, carefully looking him over. Remus’s eyes were closed, but he wasn’t asleep. His face was buried in the pillow, breathing in the scent.

“Are you ok?” Patton asked.

Remus was silent for a moment before he slowly shook his head.

“Where’s Logan?” Patton asked. Logan wouldn’t have just left him alone...

“With Emile,” Remus said softly. “He had a session...”

“He left you here?” Patton sat on the edge of the bed.

“I told him to go,” said Remus. “I didn’t want him to miss his session...”

“Well...” Patton thought for a moment. “Would you like me to stay here with you until he gets back? I don’t mind, I don’t have any plans, really. Roman and Virgil have been helping out with cleaning and cooking so I have more time for myself now...”

“I don’t want to bother you,” Remus’s voice was muffled against the pillow.

“It’s no bother at all,” Patton smiled. “I brought you lunch, you should eat it. We can have a little talk about everything. But... if you really want to be alone, I can leave.”

Remus thought about it. He didn’t really want to be alone. His mind was overwhelmed and numb at the same time. He was exhausted even though it was barely noon, and he still couldn’t name all the emotions he was feeling.

But... Patton was Thomas’s emotions. Maybe he could help.

Remus slowly sat up, still clutching the pillow. He heaved a sigh and folded his legs in front of him.

“I talked to Janus,” he said. “Really talked to him. I told him how much he hurt me and how much I had suffered after he’d ignored me. Then I told him that I didn’t want to see him. He... he looked so devastated... and I know it’s because he’s already lost Virgil. Did I do the right thing?”

Not for the first time, Patton caught a glimpse of just how complicated things had been in the Dark Side.

When Virgil had come over to the Light Side, Patton had only thought about how wonderful it was to have another member to the famILY. He’d never once considered that there had been a father who had lost his son.

And perhaps that was his problem. Or had been.

He’d never thought about the Dark Sides as being... well, anything but monsters. Bad people. He’d never considered that they could laugh and cry, love and be loved like the rest. If Janus had been the one to raise Virgil and Remus, then that made him the father figure. And when Virgil came to Patton...

That meant that a father had lost his son.

Patton couldn’t even begin to imagine the pain of losing a son. He cherished Roman and Logan and Virgil with all of his heart. And now he’d made room for Janus and Remus...

But it seemed that things were much deeper and much more complex than he’d thought.

“Remus...” Patton started. “I’ve never had a fight like this with a family member. But I do remember the times when Thomas fought with one of his ex’s. He asked for space, and it’s normal to do that. If someone hurt you, then it’s ok to not want to see them. You should focus on yourself for now. Focus on getting better.”

Patton reached out to touch Remus, but paused. He’d never touched Remus before...

Remus glanced at Patton’s outstretched hand and then back at him. Slowly, Remus leaned into the hand. He gripped Patton’s elbow to keep the hand in place while he slowly absorbed the warmth from it. It was nice. He liked it.

“I know it’s hard,” Patton continued. “It’s even harder when the person who hurt you is someone you once saw as someone very dear to you. But pain is pain, and hurting someone is hurting them. Whether they’re family, friend, or even the person you love most in the world... it’s no excuse. And it’s not bad to want space from them.”

“I just feel guilty,” Remus sniffled. “I was all he had left, and now I’ve left him too. He must feel so alone.”

“I’m sure you felt alone when you were down there without him,” said Patton. “Now, I’m not one to believe in revenge, but this isn’t that. You’re not doing anything wrong. You’re doing everything you can to get better, and that’s great. You’ve come so far from when Logan first brought you here. I’ve seen you smile and laugh and you actually left the room for once today. And you’re talking to Emile. You’re doing everything you’re supposed to be doing, but you and Janus just need some time to work on yourselves. When you’re both well enough for it, then you can work on your relationship with each other. And I’ll be here for you every step of the way. Maybe not as a father, but as definitely as a friend. I promise.”

Remus could see why Patton was the father figure. When he spoke, his words were soothing. Remus could hear the love behind them, and was surprised to hear so much directed at him. Patton had never really liked him, but after everything that had happened, and how much time Remus had spent in the Light Side, Patton seemed to have warmed up to him.

Well, mother hens have been known to take in other animals. Why not take in an ugly duckling?

Remus lunged forward and pulled Patton into a tight hug. Patton’s eyes widened, but then he hugged Remus back with a smile. Remus tightened his hold. It was a great hug, Patton was very warm and his shirt was very soft. His arms were just tight enough to show you how much he loved you without it being too uncomfortable. Remus felt himself sinking deeper into Patton’s hold, sobbing softly into his shoulder.

He didn’t deserve it. He was such an awful person, he didn’t deserve Patton’s love. Not after what he’d done to Janus...

“I’ve got you,” Patton began petting Remus’s hair. “I’m not letting go until you do, so you hold on as long as you want.”

“You shouldn’t be hugging me,” Remus cried. “I’m horrible!”

“None of that now,” Patton said firmly. “You deserve hugs just as much as anyone else. You did nothing wrong, and I’ll keep saying that until you believe it. You’ve had a lot happen today and I’m sure you’re very tired and hungry and not thinking clearly. You’ll feel better after some food and a nap, I bet.”

Remus didn’t believe him. At least... that’s what the voice in the back of his head said to do.

_Don’t believe Patton. What does he know about any of this? He’s as much an idiot as you are. You left your father. You left him all alone. You’re a horrible son..._

Patton could feel a darkness within Remus. Negative emotions. Guilt, sorrow... they were poisoning him. They needed to stop...

Patton kept petting Remus’s head, but suddenly paused, fingertips against his scalp. Slowly, he pulled them back, taking with them a long black worm. The worm stretched and stretched until it finally fell free of Remus’s head. Patton squished the worm between his fingers, and it faded from sight.

In an instant, Remus felt his guilt and sorry fade away. He blinked, confused at the sudden change of mood.

“I...” he finally broke the hug and took a deep breath. “I feel...”

“It won’t last for long,” said Patton. “Just long enough for you to eat and sleep a bit. When it comes back, you can go talk to Emile. He’ll help you out.”

Patton... he had... just like that? What kind of power was that? Did Patton have other hidden powers?

Remus's thoughts were interrupted when his stomach growled. He was starving!

Patton chuckled and brought the tray of food over.

“Eat up, Kiddo,” he said. “You’re going to need it.”


	36. The Intimacy of Makeup

When Logan came back from his session, he was more confused than ever. 

It had taken another hour and a half just to help him sort through his newfound emotions. Emile had been very patient and willing to help as he had no other sessions to worry about, but Logan had struggled. 

It was frustrating! He knew what parts of the brain created chemicals that created emotional responses. He knew the triggers and the causes, he knew the theories and the chemistry, he knew the psychology! 

But when it came to actually feeling them and figuring them out... he was inexperienced. 

The only thing he knew was that he really did like Remus. How much he liked him, Logan wasn’t exactly sure. He had no idea how to measure it, but he knew it was a lot. 

There had to be some way to measure it. Some kind of chart or graph or calculator. He’d have to do more research... 

When Logan came back from his session, he was pleasantly surprised. 

He found Remus in his room... putting on makeup. 

Of course, Logan knew that Remus liked to wear makeup, it was a bit part of him. But ever since Logan had found him, Remus had stopped putting it on. Logan never brought it up and Remus never mentioned it. It was just a figurative elephant in the room, but Logan had assumed that it was similar to Remus wearing his crown or sitting on his throne: he’d have to ease back into it. 

Well, he certainly had now. Remus was holding a broken hand mirror that looked to be made of bone and teeth. An acid green eye sat beneath the shattered glass, and its pupil flit from side to side, looking around rapidly. Remus had put on a green headband to keep his hair out of the way, and he seemed to be busy blending out the eyeshadow he’d applied. 

Logan could see a few colors mixed into his usual black. A deep green and hints of silver. 

“How was your session?” Remus asked, seeing Logan’s reflection in his mirror. 

Logan smiled, moving to sit next to Remus. 

“It went well,” he said. “Sorry for taking so long, we had a lot to talk about.” 

“No worries,” Remus said, trying to pick out an eyeliner. “I know how it gets.” 

He did. He really did. 

“I see you’re trying a new look,” Logan said, gesturing to the new colors. 

“Oh I don’t always use the same eyeshadow,” said Remus. “Just when I get summoned. It takes a long time to apply this correctly, so I just smear some on before I rise up. I’m glad this is another loophole. Granted, I have no idea why. The minute I put a paintbrush to a canvas, the paint turns into blood, or the canvas grows a screaming face, but I can put make up on well enough...” 

“Does Roman wear make up too?” Logan asked, souding curious. 

“Yep,” Remus nodded, carefully applying eyeliner. “He loves to copy the look Ben gave Thomas in that one video.” 

Logan watched Remus apply his makeup. It was... interesting to watch. Remus’s fingers were swift and sure, well practiced in their craft. Logan didn’t wear makeup himself, seeing it as unnecessary, but he could appreciate watching makeup artists. It was like watching a painter. 

Remus looked over his finished makeup before nodding in satisfaction. He’d used both black and silver eyeliner and outlined his eyes in black and green. It was much neater and very different from his usual style, but Logan liked it a lot. 

He glanced at Remus’s makeup and slowly made a decision. 

“Do you... think you could do my makeup?” He asked. 

Remus blinked and looked at Logan in surprise, but it quickly morphed into a grin. 

“You want me to do your makeup? Sure, I’d love to. Did you have any kind of look in mind?” He asked. 

“Do whatever you think best fits me,” Logan smiled. “I trust you.” 

Remus’s face lit up and he gave a happy wriggle. 

“Ok, sit down here and I’ll just slide this on...” he took off his headband and carefully used it to push Logan’s hair back. Logan smiled as he saw Remus’s dark curls move around his face, the silver streak still sticking out almost proudly. 

Remus stood in front of Logan and put his hands up as if framing Logan’s face. His brow furrowed in thought, tilting his head from side to side. Logan couldn’t help but give a soft snort of laughter. Remus looked so serious. 

“I’ve got it!” Remus pulled up another chair for him to sit down on. “Don’t worry about a thing...” 

Logan wasn’t, which he found strange. 

He was very picky about touch and letting others change him in some way. The only one he really trusted with something like that was Thomas. But here, he felt no apprehension at all... 

Remus started out with some foundation. Nothing heavy, just something to even out Logan’s skin tone and give him a clean canvas to paint on. After that, he picked up his makeup brushes and got to work. And it was around this time that Logan realized he’d made a mistake. 

He hadn’t counted on someone doing your makeup being so... intimate. 

The feeling of Remus’s fingers on his face, moving carefully with feather like touches, sent waves of shivers and electricity down his spine. Not in a bad way, but in a great way. It was like the ASMR videos that Logan liked to watch, but way better. 

And of course, there were times when Remus’s face was less than an inch away. Close enough that Logan could feel his (much better smelling now that he had Remus regularly brushing his teeth) breath on his skin. 

He inhaled softly and gripped the edges of his seat tightly. This... this was unreal. Why was he acting this way? 

Logan tried to distract himself, so he examined Remus’s eyes. Though they all had the same eyes, there were subtle differences in them. Logan often likened Remus’s eyes to that of some predatory animal: keen and sharp and full of some kind of feral mania. They were eyes that looked like they were trying to find the best way to rip you to shreds, literally or figuratively. 

Those eyes had looked dead when Logan had found Remus, but now that were gleaming with that wild chaotic energy again, which never failed to give Logan relief. So long as they weren’t dead, it meant that Remus was doing better. 

Logan was brought back to reality as Remus carefully moved Logan’s face to make sure that the eyeshadow was even. He leaned in close, and Logan panicked when he realized that Remus’s lips were almost brushing his cheek. 

Is this what Thomas called a ‘gay panic’? 

But how could that be? 

One didn’t get a gay panic unless... 

Unless... 

“Almost done,” Remus said cheerfully. “Don’t be so nervous, you’re as tense as Roman is when he’s constipated. It’s not like I’ve poked your eye out or anything.” 

“Sorry,” Logan slowly breathed in and then out. “I just don’t want to move and mess you up.” 

“Well, try to hold your mouth still, I’m going to paint those lips of yours...” Remus said as he took out some lip color. 

Logan panicked even more. 

The brush sent tingles through his whole body, and when Remus swiped his thumb over the edge of his bottom lip to make it even, it was so much worse. Logan once again gripped the edge of his chair and prayed to every scientist the world had ever had that this would be over soon... 

“Done!” Remus smiled and held up his mirror. “What do you think?” 

Logan gave a subtle sigh of relief as he looked into the mirror. 

He blinked. 

That... that couldn’t be him. 

Remus had used shades of blue for his eyeshadow, and silver eyeliner around his eyes. He’d also painted what looked like stars along the sides of his eyes and face. A silver highlighter graced his cheekbones, and his lips had been painted a deep purple. 

It was flawless and rough at the same time, and it made Logan look ethereal and dangerous at the same time. 

“I...” Logan was speechless. “I love it! I can’t... there are no words... thank you!” 

Remus giggled in delight, doing another wriggle. 

“I’m glad you like it!” 

Logan watched Remus show his happiness blinked in realization. 

Perhaps... there was more to his liking Remus than he’d thought. He needed an expert...


	37. Logic Vs. The Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I want to take a minute to thank all my readers and puppers. Thanks for sticking with me through this story. It has gotten so much longer than I originally intended it, and it has a long way still to go. Thank you for all your kudos, comments, and essays in the comments too. I often read through them all when I need motivation to write more and I appreciate each one of them.

It was later when Remus went to his own session with Emile.

And Logan burst through Patton’s door.

“Patton!” He closed the door behind him. “I apologize for this outburst, but I really must speak with you. It’s very important.”

“Oh sure, Logan,” Patton looked up from his laptop where he was looking up recipes for Roman. “How can I help- whoa.” His eyes widened. “Well, that’s a new look.”

Logan was confused for all of three seconds before he remembered that he was still wearing the makeup that Remus had put on him. He shook his head.

“Remus did this,” he said.

“Well, Remus did an amazing job,” Patton smiled. “It looks great!”

“I agree,” Logan said. “But... make up aside, I must speak with you and get your advice on something.”

Patton blinked. Logan was coming to him for advice? It must be something big. It must be something important. It must be-

“How does one know if they are in love?” Logan asked.

Or it could be something like this...

“Why do you need to know?” Patton asked, sounding curious. “You’ve never asked this before...”

“Patton, this is of the utmost importance,” Logan said, doing what Patton called the ‘serious hand gestures’. “Can you please help me?”

Patton tilted his head, slowly putting the pieces together. Logan was far too wound up to just be asking for no reason or because of some project. Was Logan asking... was he really...

“Well,” Patton said slowly, putting his laptop aside. “There’s not really a specific way. Everyone feels love differently.”

Logan sighed in frustration, reaching up to facepalm. He stopped at the last second, remembering his makeup. He settled for slamming his fist into his other palm.

“Ok, well... are there any common signs?” He asked. “Th-there must be something that everyone commonly feels.”

Patton was silent for a few minutes, watching Logan pace around the room. He knew it would be better to just be direct. Logan was never one to beat around the bush, he always got right to the point. Perhaps Patton should try that...

“How about this?” He finally said. “You’re asking because you think you might be in love right?”

Logan’s blush peeked out from under the makeup, but he slowly nodded.

“Tell me what they make you feel,” said Patton. “And how they make you feel. I’ll be able to help you more if I know your feelings.”

Logan slowed his pacing. He put his hands on his waist and walked around as he gathered his thoughts. He really took the time to think of everything. From the day he went down into the Dark Side to now. Every day, every night, every moment he spent with Remus...

“I... I didn’t have feelings at first,” he finally said, still moving around. “I only recently realized what my feelings could be, but looking back, I have had these feelings for a while. They had... slowly developed over time.”

He looked at Patton, who was slowly nodding in understanding. He gestured for Logan to continue.

“I have never realized... just how much I have been... bereft. Alone. Starved...” Logan continued. “The things he makes me feel... And they are all pleasant feelings. Warmth. Light. Purpose. Meaning. Happiness. He sates a hunger I did not know I have been suffering from for years...”

Patton was smiling now, watching Logan talk. Logan’s eyes were taking on a light that Patton had never seen in them. Logan was now smiling too. It was such a bright and infectious smile, one that had never graced his face before. Patton could hear the love in Logan’s tone, but he stayed silent, wanting to hear more.

“He listens,” said Logan. “He enjoys listening to me. His knowledge rivals my own, and we have had several deep and inspiring conversations and well thought out debates. He shares his knowledge with me, and he enjoys it when I share mine with him. My body tingles when he touches me. Nothing major, just a hug or cuddle or even when he puts his hand on my shoulder. He is... courageous. Bold. Incredibly strong. He makes me unashamed to be myself. He makes me feel as if I am the most important person in the room. He makes me feel... appreciated. Dare I say, he... he... he makes me feel... loved. And I want nothing more than to... be with him.”

He looked over at Patton.

Patton was covering his mouth with his hand and looking so touched at what Logan had said. His hand moved to rest on his chest, revealing the smile beneath it.

“Oh Logan,” he said. “You really are in love.”

Patton had expected Logan to react in many ways... but none included the way Logan actually reacted.

Logan’s hands tangled in his hair, and his face twisted in distress.

“No!” He cried out. “No. Nononononono. I-I can’t be... this can’t... this is awful!”

“Logan?” Patton stood up from his chair. “What’s wrong? Why is this bad?”

“Because Remus is in a very vulnerable state right now,” said Logan. “If I try to bring up romantic feelings I would be making his recovery harder at best and taking advantage of him at worst!”

“Remus?” Patton said in disbelief. “It’s Remus that you’re in love with?”

“Hush!” Logan pressed his hands over Patton’s mouth and looked back at the door as if he was expecting someone to be standing on the other side with headphones and a microphone.

“I suppose I should have seen it,” Patton said, pulling Logan’s hands away. “You two are good for each other.”

“I can’t tell him,” Logan said, hands once again going to his hair. “I can’t. I can’t. I’ll just keep it to myself. He’ll never know.”

“What?” Patton said. “Logan, you can’t keep this a secret. Keeping love a secret is one of the worst things you can do.”

“Patton, Remus is recovering from trauma!” Logan cried out. “I cannot attempt a romantic relationship while he is still recovering. That goes against so many codes of ethics. Besides... I have no way of knowing how he feels about me. I doubt he returns my feelings...”

Patton sighed. He understood what Logan was saying, and no one knew more about being emotionally vulnerable than he did. He understood that Remus was at a delicate stage, even more so after what had happened between Remus and Janus. Remus had lost everything and he was slowly building his life back up from the ashes of its destruction.

Patton understood. Patton understood well.

But that didn’t mean that there was no hope...

“What if you just waited?” Patton suggested.

“I-wha?” Logan paused in his furious muttering to look up at Patton.

“Wait until he’s recovered,” said Patton. “Wait until he’s in a better place and on stable ground. Tell him then. That way you won’t be taking advantage of his vulnerability.”

“I... but... I mean... I still don’t know if Remus returns my feelings,” Logan stuttered.

“As Roman would say ‘You also don’t know if Remus _doesn’t_ return your feelings’,” said Patton. “I know you’re a bit new to emotions, but... if your feelings are that strong... you can’t just push them away. They won’t go away. Sometimes... you have to listen to your heart and take that chance. Otherwise, you’ll never know.”

“Schrodinger’s cat,” Logan sighed. “Until I confess to Remus, he both returns and doesn’t return my feelings. It’s a half and half chance, and the odds are stacked against me...”

“Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all,” said Patton. “See, I know all that smart stuff too. My point is, if you don’t tell him, you’ll drive yourself crazy because you’ll never know if you had a chance or not.”

Logan sighed heavily. Patton... was right. Logan knew there were risks. There was a big chance that nothing would come from this or that Logan would only humiliate himself. But many a great feat in the world had hinged on such odds. If they had succeeded... then maybe Logan could too.

“Think about it,” said Patton. “The decision is yours, after all. But you have to be ready to live with the results, whatever you choose. I hope you make the right decision.”

Logan slowly nodded, suddenly feeling very tired and confused.

“I... thank you, Patton. You have helped me immensely,” he said. “I... I’ll just... I’ll see you later.”

“Good luck,” Patton said, watching Logan leave the room.


	38. Is Love a Good Thing?

“You’ve made amazing progress, Remus,” Emile smiled. “I’m proud of you.” 

It was something he’d said before many times, but Remus still couldn’t help but give a happy wriggle when he heard it. Remus had had his nap and lunch, and he was feeling a bit better, enough to push the guilt to the side. He’d deal with it later. Hopefully with Logan. 

“Logan’s been helping me a lot,” said Remus. “Roman and Patton too. It... it feels good to connect with them like this. But it’s also a little jarring. It was just me and Jannie for so long, and... then it was just me for a while. Now I suddenly have so many people in my life. Good people. People who care about me. And I... I care about them too.” 

“It’s always good to have good people in your life,” Emile agreed. “I was very happy to hear that you have managed to surround yourself with positive influences, and I am happy to hear that you and Logan are doing so well.” 

“Me too,” Remus said, fiddling with Logos’s tentacles. “He’s so amazing. He... makes me want to take care of myself. And he helps me when I can’t. There have been times when the thoughts got to be too much, but... he didn’t leave me. He stayed there and he helped me through my episodes.” 

“You said that he makes you want to take care of yourself?” Emile asked. 

Remus nodded. 

“He told me that I didn’t deserve to be abandoned,” he said. “He told me that I deserve to be happy. And... I believe him. Logan wouldn’t lie to me...” 

Emile noticed the smile that Remus was giving, and how the tension eased from his shoulders. He knew emotions well. He knew how the others looked when they experienced certain emotions. He knew what Patton looked like when angry, he knew what Roman looked like when nervous, he knew what Virgil looked like when he was about to fall into a panic attack. 

It was his job. His job to know what the others were feeling even before they realized it. But, if he was honest, it was more of a gift... one of many that he had. 

This particular emotion was one that Emile had never seen on Remus’s face, and it confused him. He’d seen Remus experience a wide range of emotions in all of their sessions, but not this one. What was an emotion that he hadn’t seen yet? 

Whatever it was, it was a good one... 

“Tell me more,” said Emile. “What has it been like staying with Logan and having him help you?” 

Remus hummed softly as he gathered his thoughts. There were a lot of them. He felt a lot of things about Logan. 

“It’s strange,” he said. “I used to find comfort in the dark, but when I was alone, I hated it. It was like torture, and I don’t think I would have lasted much longer if he hadn’t come down there...” 

He ran his fingers through Logos’s tentacles, smiling again. 

“He could have left me there,” he said. “He could have brought me upstairs and then just left me, he could have never spared me a single thought... but he didn’t. He brought me back and took care of me. He clothed me and washed me and fed me... helped me develop a healthy routine. He spends time with me and talks to me and helps me with my thoughts. He makes me feel better about myself... makes me feel like I deserve the care he’s giving me. He makes me feel safe and appreciated. He never left my side no matter how bad I got...” 

Emile suddenly blinked as the pieces all came together. The smile on Remus’s face combined with his relaxed, almost floaty, posture and slight wriggling from side to side and then that adoring tone he used.... 

Oh. 

Oh! 

So that was the mystery emotion... 

“Wow,” Emile chuckled. “You sound as though you’re in love.” 

Remus suddenly looked up and stared at Emile for a few minutes. 

And then he burst out laughing. 

Emile’s brows furrowed in confusion as Remus doubled over, laughing near hysterically. The laughter went on for a bit and then Remus slowly quieted down, wiping tears from his eyes. 

“Oh... that was hilarious,” he said, still chuckling. 

“Why is that so funny?” Emile asked. 

“I don’t do romance,” said Remus. “I can’t do romance. That’s Roman’s thing.” 

“You’ve never felt romantic love?” Emile looked surprised. 

“Never,” Remus said. “At least... I don’t think I have? Anytime Thomas had a boyfriend Roman would gush over him... but all I could think was how nice his head would look on my shelf. I always assumed that I can’t feel romantic love because it’s considered a ‘good’ thing and we all know my history with ‘good’ things...” 

“But feeling love isn’t tied to your creative abilities,” Emile pointed out. 

Remus froze at those words. Emile had a point... 

“Nope,” Remus shook his head. “Not me. This conversation is over. Next subject.” 

“Remus, I hate bringing up subjects that my patients dislike, but I feel like this is an important conversation to have,” said Emile. “We need to talk about this.” 

“What’s to talk about?” Remus shrugged, nervously fidgeting with Logos’s tentacles. “I don’t do romance.” 

Emile quickly picked up on what Remus was feeling. 

“You’re scared,” he said. 

It was said in a tone that left no room to argue. 

Remus frowned. His movements with Logos becoming twitchy as he jerked the tentacles around. Emile could practically feel the build that was happening, but this time he let it go. He knew there was no stopping this. 

“So what if I am?!” Remus finally snapped. He beat his fists against the couch, and it changed into some amalgamation of human flesh and blood before Emile changed it back. 

“I can’t summon good things,” Remus continued. “I’m sure Logan would love some burnt roses or maggot infested chocolates. Those are so popular this year!” 

“Love languages are very diverse,” said Emile. “You can show your love in your own way without having to rely on Hallmark cliches.” 

“Those Hallmark cliches are the only things I know about love,” said Remus. 

“I beg to differ,” Emile said, writing on his notepad. “Love is a very prominent theme in gothic literature and art. While it’s a bit... eccentric, I think it could at least provide a more coherent base line for you.” 

“I’m not in love with Logan,” Remus shook his head. “Not at all. It’s probably just Stockholm Syndrome.” 

“While I agree that your relationship might have started out as a form of codependency,” Emile mused. “I don’t think that’s the case now. You have gained a sense of independence over the last few months, and you can do things without Logan. I know you’ve spent time with Patton and your brother. So I don’t think you’re in the same place as you were in the beginning.” 

Remus sighed. 

He hated it when Emile made sense. It stripped away any excuse he could give and left him looking at the cold hard facts. He did feel an affection for Logan, but could it really be romantic love? What did love like that even feel like? Remus had no idea, only having seen brief snatches of Disney films here and there, and Remus wasn’t acting like the people in those movies. 

Then again, was Disney really such a great comparison? 

Yuck... Disney... 

Remus grimaced and shook his head again. 

“With your permission, I’d like to cut this short,” he said. “I need to consult an expert, and there’s only one that I trust.” 

“Of course,” Emile took out a card and scribbled a date and time on it. “Your next session is at this time. I’ll see you then.” 

Roman was working on another project when Remus burst into his room, looking panicked. 

“Roman! I need your help. Please please please, help me,” he said, nearly whimpering. 

“Remus?” Roman jumped up. “What’s wrong? Are you ok?” 

“You can taste love,” said Remus. “I need you to tell me what you taste when I think about someone. Please, Roman!” 

“Ok,” Roman said, slightly confused. Why was Remus needing help like this? 

“Ok...” Remus closed his eyes and began to think of Logan. 

He thought of how happy Logan made him, how much he enjoyed being with him. He thought about their debates and conversations, their trips into the Imagination. The meals they shared... 

He opened his eyes to see Roman touching his lips with his fingers. 

“Oh, the sweetest of chocolate,” Roman sighed happily. “That is pure Eros...” 

Remus screamed.


	39. Romance in Gothic Literature

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Got a big storm heading this way, so I wanted to post this in case I lose power.  
> Also I just realized it took Remus and Logan like 35 chapters just for them to both realize they're in love.
> 
> Once again, thank you to all my readers and puppers for your comments and support. I love you guys!

“I don’t understand,” Roman said, looking at where Remus had flopped face down onto his bed. “Why is it such a bad thing for you to feel romantic love for someone? Romantic love is great!”

Remus’s response was a long muffled moan that turned into a sob at the end. Roman sighed and sat down next to Remus, rubbing his back gently.

“Talk to me,” he said. “I’m not Emile, but I’ll still listen. I know I haven’t always been the best brother to you, but... it does worry me to see you like this. You’re acting like it’s the end of the world-”

“I’m not you, Roman!” Remus finally said, sitting up on the bed. “I’m not... I don’t... I can’t...” He growled in frustration and gripped the sides of his head. “I... I’m scared, Roman. I’m scared of being in love...”

Roman blinked. Scared of being in love? But why? Roman loved to be in love. He loved the feeling that it gave him whenever Thomas spent time with his boyfriends in the past. The warmth, the happiness, the floaty feeling-

Oh.

Oh...

Did... did those feelings hurt Remus? Did they make Remus sick or affect him in some way?

“Why are you so scared to be in love?” Roman asked. Best to get the answer from Remus...

Remus sighed, suddenly looking so vulnerable. Roman felt a surge of protectiveness and guilt. How long had his own brother been suffering and Roman had tossed him aside like trash? Roman was determined to make amends. The least he could do was help Remus with this problem.

“I don’t... I don’t know how to be in love,” said Remus. “I don’t know what to do. And even if I did, I can’t do most of the things that people do. Plus, I’m... I’m worried that I might just have feelings for him because of how much he’s done for me.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” said Roman. “It didn’t taste that way. I can taste when love is corrupted or felt for the wrong reasons. But yours... Remus, yours was sweeter than the chocolate at Disney World. It was so pure. If you’re in love with someone, it’s for the right reasons.”

“Even so, I can’t create roses or candies or summon puppies...” Remus said. “At least not in a way that will actually be beautiful.”

“What _do_ you summon?” Roman asked, suddenly curious. “If I can summon puppies...”

Remus held his hands out and then he was suddenly holding a wriggling opossum. Roman stared as Remus let go of it. The opossum made some angry noises and then waddled away.

“The other animals are raccoons and skunks,” Remus said, looking away.

He felt embarrassed. How was he going to woo Logan with an opossum? How was he going to woo Logan at all? He wasn’t, that’s how. Logan was a man of culture and class... when he wasn’t being a huge nerd. Remus couldn’t create anything that he would like.

“How am I going to show my love when I can’t do the feel good things that people do when in love?” Remus asked. “I’m no good at romance. I can’t be good at romance...”

Roman thought for a moment. He knew that love was shown in many different ways. His own love language was words. Compliments and praises showered over his beloved. Never skipping a chance to tell them how much he loved them. Writing them songs and poems...

Poems...

Ah!

Roman stood up and went over to his desk. He picked up a book and began to thumb through it. Remus watched him in confusion as Roman finally held the book up and began to read.

_“And neither the angels in Heaven above,_  
_Nor the demons down under the sea,_  
_Could ever dissever my soul from the soul_  
_Of the beautiful Annabel Lee._

_For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams_  
_Of the beautiful Annabel Lee._  
_And the stars never rise, but I see the bright eyes_  
_Of the beautiful Annabel Lee._  
_And so all the nighttide I lie down by the side_  
_Of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride._  
_In her sepulcher there by the sea_  
_In her tomb by the surrounding sea.”_

Roman gave Remus a grin and then flipped to a different page. He once again began to read.

_“I can give not what men call love,_  
_But wilt thou accept not_  
_The worship the heart lifts above_  
_And the Heavens reject not,—_  
_he desire of the moth for the star,_  
_Of the night for the morrow,_  
_The devotion to something afar_  
_From the sphere of our sorrow?”_

Roman looked up as he closed the book.

“Romance is very much your thing,” He said. “Just in a different way. Gothic literature has many instances of raw passion and devotion and romance. It’s just hidden under darker tones, but it’s no less valid than the romance in the brighter poems. If anything, it’s much more... grounded. It’s... more hardcore. Does that make sense?”

Remus blinked a few times. Roman... had a point. How many stories and poems had Remus read that had romance sprinkled in among the death and tragedy? How many movies had he seen where the main genre was horror but someone still ended up as a couple? Remus may not know how to be in love, but... maybe he could figure things out.

“Wait,” he suddenly said. “Where did you get that book? It’s not one of yours.”

“I borrowed it from Emile,” said Roman. “I... I wanted to get a better idea of what you... of your aesthetic, so to speak.”

Remus was touched at Roman’s gesture. Maybe he should give Disney another chance...

“But what if he doesn’t return my feelings?” He asked. “I... I don’t think he does. He’s...”

“Is it Patton?” Romana asked.

Remus gave Roman such an offended look that Roman stammered.

“I-I mean... it’s not Patton. Obviously! So, Logan! Wait... Logan?”

Remus blushed, his cheeks turning green with it. That was all the confirmation Roman needed.

“I get what you mean,” He mused. “Specs is always going on about not feeling emotions. It would be tough to tell what he really feels. But... I could always... stick my tongue out around him and see-”

_**“NO!”** _

Roman nearly tumbled from his chair at the sheer power in Remus’s tone.

“That... that’s so dishonest,” Remus said. “I’m not like that. I respect his privacy. I don’t even listen to his intrusive thoughts. I’ll just... I don’t know. Maybe I’ll just wait and see if how he feels. Maybe there will be a sign or something. For now, I’ll just keep this to myself. Please don’t tell anyone...”

Roman didn’t think this was a good idea. He’d read enough books and seen enough movies where hiding your feelings didn’t end well. But this was Remus’s choice to make. He’d support whatever he decided...

“I give you my word,” he said. “I won’t tell anyone and I won’t try to see what Logan is feeling.”

Remus sighed in relief and stood up. He walked over and pulled Roman into a tight hug.

“Thanks, Bro,” he said. “I’m glad I can talk to you about this.”

“Of course,” Roman hugged back. “I’m here for you...”


	40. The Hurricane in Emile's Office

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Me: I don't know where I want the plot to go, but I want to write more.  
> Emile: Put me in, Coach! I can do it!
> 
> WARNING FOR PANIC ATTACKS

“I’m scared to leave my room.”

Emile made a note on his notepad as Virgil shifted on the couch. Virgil passed the fidget cube between his hands, looking tense.

“I’m scared because Remus has started leaving Logan’s room,” he continued. “Before, it wasn’t so bad because I knew where he was and that I wouldn’t run into him, but now I don’t have that comfort anymore...”

“Why do you not want to see him?” Emile asked.

Emile knew why Virgil didn’t want to see him, but sometimes saying your feelings out loud helped you sort through them. Virgil tensed again as if remembering something from his past.

“I’m afraid that he’ll come after me again,” he said. “I... I still remember all the things he’s done to me and it scares me that he’ll do them again. But I have no way of knowing anything because apparently his mind is even more broken than it was before.”

“You think his mind is broken?” Emile asked, tilting his head slightly.

“No one with a normal mind acts like that,” said Virgil. “No one with any bit of sanity acts like that. Remus has always been messed up in the head. Just like I have. But he took his problems to the next level by involving everyone else.”

“You do know that he can’t always control the way he acts,” said Emile.

“And that excuses his actions?” Virgil snapped.

“Not at all,” said Emile. “But it does explain them. Knowledge can be the greatest tool against anxiety. A big cause of anxiety is not knowing. You get anxious because you don’t know what will happen. If someone makes you scared or anxious, sometimes if you attempt to understand them and gain knowledge of them... it can help you calm down. Not always, but sometimes.”

“I know all I need to know about him,” Virgil huffed. “That’s why I’m scared of him. I don’t want to understand him, I just want him to go away!”

“I cannot get rid of Remus,” said Emile. “And I don’t think the others will either. All I can do is help you with your feelings, Virgil.”

“I don’t need help with my feelings,” Virgil said, voice gaining volume. “I just need Remus gone. If he’d leave then everything would be fine. I wouldn’t be scared to leave my room or worry about running into him. I’d be safe! And Patton knows this, but he won’t send Remus back! Why is everyone against me?! Remus tortured me for almost all our time together and no one did a thing about it! Janus couldn’t control him! Patton can’t control him! And yet no one cares about how much his presence is affecting me!”

“Virgil-”

“Why does no one care?! Why does no one care that he hurt me and I don’t want him around?!”

“Virgil-”

“I still have nightmares about the shit he did! I can’t leave my room without nearly having a panic attack because I’m scared that he will be out there waiting for me so that he can torture me again!”

“Virgil-”

“I wish Logan had left him there! I wish Logan had never brought him to live with us! Whatever happened to him, **HE DESERVES IT!”**

_“Virgil!”_

It was too much, it was all too much. Virgil had felt himself getting closer and closer to the edge, but he had been able to stop himself. As Logan had said before, ‘an object in motion wants to stay in motion’ and nothing showed that better than fear and anxiety. Once it started, it would propel itself with its own nervous energy, faster and faster until it crashed-

**“Virgil... breathe with me.”**

He heard Emile’s command break through his thoughts. He felt as though he was standing in the eye of a hurricane, everything whirling around him, threatening to engulf him.

But Emile’s command made it through to his mind, and he helplessly obeyed.

 **“Listen closely to my voice,”** said Emile. **“I will help you through this, but you must trust me. I will not let you fall. I will not let you get hurt...”**

Virgil was struggling to breathe. He needed help. He wanted help. His fear was growing, feeding off of itself.

**“Breathe in... now hold it... now let it out...”**

Virgil obeyed, his body letting Emile take the reins of control while his mind struggled in the hurricane.

**“Breathe in... now hold it... now let it out. Good. Virgil. You’re doing very good. Stay with me. I have you. I will not let go.”**

Virgil chased after the praise. He wanted to do good. He wanted to do good so that Emile would help him more. He needed to listen.

**“Breathe in... now hold it... now let it out. Good. You’re doing so good, Virgil.”**

Virgil didn’t know how long it took, but he eventually was able to open his eyes. His breathing was more or less back to normal. At least he didn’t feel like he was choking. His nervous energy bubbled beneath his skin, deep within his muscles, causing some of them to tense or twitch.

Emile’s toys were strewn across the floor. Some of them were broken. His bookcase had toppled over, some of the books ripped to shreds.

Emile himself was kneeling in front of Virgil, one hand on his arm. A set of claw marks were bleeding down his cheek, but he was ignoring them in favor of looking over Virgil.

“Oh god,” Virgil gasped. “D-Did I... I’m s... I’m so s-s-sorry!”

Talking was still a chore, but he wanted to apologize. Emile wiped at the scratches with a tissue, not seeming to care about them.

“It’s ok,” he said. “You lashed out because I touched you without consent, and I apologize for that. I needed to make a connection so that I could reach you. I thought I’d lost you for a moment there...”

He held up a water bottle and opened it before pressing it into Virgil’s hands. Virgil sipped it tentatively, then began to gulp it as he felt the cold water soothe his throat. He coughed when he lowered it, and took another deep breath.

Emile was busy cleaning his wound and repairing his office. He whistled a soft melody and everything slowly went back to its place. After a few minutes, Virgil was feeling much better and the office was spotless as always.

“Virgil,” he said, peeling the plastic off a large bandaid. “I understand your fears. I understand your feelings and _why_ you are feeling this way. But I cannot do what you want. I cannot get rid of Remus for you.”

He hissed slightly as he pressed the bandaid over the marks on his cheek.

“My job and my desire is to see your mind happy and healthy,” he continued. “And that is something that I _can_ help you with. I know this is not what you want to hear, but it is the truth. When all our fears stem from one thing or one person, we cannot always get rid of it. Sometimes we must learn how to live with what is causing everything. It’s difficult, but it’s doable. But you have to decide what you want to do.”

Virgil looked down at the floor. He wanted Remus gone so badly. But Emile was offering him another path. One that looked more possible than the other...

But Virgil wasn’t just afraid. He was also angry. He was hurt. He felt betrayed by everyone’s actions.

As such...

Virgil suddenly got up from the couch and left Emile’s office, slamming the door behind him.


	41. Virgil's Inner Turmoil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning for panic attacks and flashbacks

Virgil was still seething when he got back to the Light Side.

Why did his feelings not matter?

Why did no one see how badly he was affected by it all?

First Janus, and now Patton.

Was he just doomed to be neglected by all his father figures? And he’d been doing so well with Patton. He’d found a family and a home that he could be safe in and not have to be terrified of anything.

He’d even started sleeping without barricading his door at night...

But now it was all down the drain, and Virgil could do nothing but helplessly watch it all slip away.

He was passing through the living room when he heard it: a very familiar cackle.

It came from the kitchen.

Virgil froze, dormant instincts once again rearing up to protect him.

He remembered that laugh. It had been the same laugh he’d heard every time Remus had hurt him. Virgil shuddered, swallowing heavily and nearly choking on the lump in his throat.

Remus was here. Remus was going to get him. Remus was...

_He was just a child. They were both children. He was running. His pursuer was laughing as he tried to get away._

_“Virgie...” His pursuer used a terrifying sing song tone. “Virgie... I’m gonna get you, Virgie...”_

_Hide._

_Hide now!_

_HE’S COMING!_

_Virgil gasped and quickly hid behind the couch. He was coming. He was coming!_

_“Virgie...”_

_Virgil sobbed softly as he hid behind the couch in the Dark Side. He could hear Remus walking around looking for him. He calling Virgil’s name, giggling manically between his calls._

_“Virgie... I’m not done playing with you yet. Don’t run, you know I always catch you. You know I always find you...”_

_Virgil pressed his hands over his mouth. Janus had gone somewhere and left them alone. He’d said he would be back soon, but that was a long time ago. Virgil had managed to stay in his room for a while, but Remus had broken his door down and wanted to ‘play’._

_“Virgie...”_

_Virgil was panicking. He was terrified. If Remus got ahold of him..._

_Virgil remembered the snakes he’d found in his bed, the tentacles that would lunge out and grab his ankle before dragging him into the darkness, the twisted beasts that had chased him again and again._

_He remembered Remus doing horrific experiments on him that left marks and made him bleed. He still had some scars..._

_Janus had always punished Remus, but it never seemed to work. Virgil had even overheard Janus and Patton speaking about something called repression. Patton wanted to do it to Remus, but Janus had fought against him, saying it was cruel._

_But Remus was cruel too._

_He’d hurt Virgil again and again. He’d terrified him and made him cry so many times..._

_“Virgie...”_

_Virgil froze again, holding his breath as he slowly looked up. A pair of glowing green eyes and a smile that looked like it was pulled from a nightmare greeted him._

_“Found you...” Remus sang, grabbing Virgil and pulling him from behind the couch._

_Virgil screamed. He struggled. He brought out his claws..._

Virgil felt Remus’s hand on his shoulder, he reared his claws back, ready to do whatever he needed to get away-

“Virgil!”

Virgil opened his eyes and his hand quickly froze in midair. It wasn’t Remus. It was Patton.

Patton was kneeling in front of Virgil, looking concerned for him. He glanced up at Virgil’s claws, and his eyes widened slightly. He hadn’t known Virgil to have claws...

Virgil quickly pulled his hand back and the claws vanished as he rubbed his hands together. That had been too close. He’d almost lashed out again. He couldn’t help it, he... he just had a few bad reflexes.

Reflexes that had long since been instilled in him from his time with Remus...

“Virgil... can I touch you?” Patton softly asked.

Virgil panted slightly, his mind still stuck in the nightmare of his past. No, this was Patton. He wasn’t there anymore. He wasn’t in danger anymore... or so he thought. Remus was in the kitchen. Remus could easily find him if he left his hiding spot.

But Patton was here. Patton would keep him safe, right? Or would Patton let Remus do as he pleased? Who could he trust? Who would keep him safe? Was he really all alone in this?

One thing he did know, he craved comfort, and Patton was offering it.

Unable to speak, Virgil jerked his head in a nod. Yes, please touch him. Please show him that he wasn’t trapped back there again. Show him that he was safe now. Reassure him. Please, please...

All he’d ever wanted was to be safe...

“Come here,” Patton pulled Virgil forward. “It’s ok. I have you now...”

Virgil clung to Patton as if he was afraid that Patton would vanish if he let go. He sobbed into the other’s shoulder, feeling his resolve crumble under the weight of everything. He'd been trying to shoulder everything. His feelings, his past trauma, his anger over everything and his feelings of being betrayed.

But now he was just tired. Tired and afraid. He didn’t know what to do. All he knew was that he was scared of Remus again. It was all coming back to repeat itself, but now Virgil was older. He was expected to figure it out himself. He was an adult, and that’s what adults did. They figured things out.

But Virgil wanted someone to help him. He wanted someone to reassure him that his feelings were valid too. That it was ok to be scared and that they understood.

But no one seemed to understand. No one seemed to know just how bad things were.

No one except for Remus and Janus, and neither of them were talking about it.

Patton glanced back at the kitchen, gently rubbing Virgil’s back.

“Come on, Virgil,” he said. “Let’s go up to your room. I’ll have Roman bring some food up for you.”

“He’ll get us!” Virgil hissed, refusing to move. “He’ll find us and then he’ll hurt us. We have to stay hidden.”

Patton blinked. This... was new. He’d never seen Virgil act like this before. Maybe he should speak to Emile about it...

“No one is going to get you,” Patton held Virgil’s hand tightly. “I promise. I’ll keep you safe while we go to your room, ok? And then we can stay in there and eat some lunch and maybe put a movie on. Doesn’t that sound nice?”

Virgil thought it over for a few minutes, eyes still looking at the kitchen. He finally nodded and let Patton tug him away from the couch.

Patton watched Virgil as they climbed the stairs. He looked so scared. Every muscle was tense as if he was ready to run at any moment. His eyes were wide and focused, watching for threats.

Patton didn’t like it. This was not normal. This was not healthy. Virgil needed... a little help.

Patton threaded his fingers through Virgil’s hair. Just a little to help Virgil calm down, just to make sure he didn’t fall into a panic attack or hurt himself...

Patton’s fingers closed together on Virgil’s scalp, and he began pulling out a black worm.

Suddenly, a web of dark purple shot out of the worm and spread across Patton’s hand, burning him like fire. He gasped and pulled his hand back.

“Patton, are you ok?” Virgil asked. They were so close to his room now. Just a little further...

“I’m fine, Kiddo,” Patton smiled through the pain. “Just thought I saw a spider is all...”

Virgil seemed to accept Patton’s lie as he turned back around to keep walking. Patton looked over his hand as the burning feeling slowly began to fade.

There wasn’t a single mark on his hand.


	42. Author's Note

Just a few things before we go any further... 

I don’t want anyone thinking that this will end up with an unsympathetic Virgil. There are no ‘villains’ in this story. 

Was Virgil’s behavior problematic? Maybe. Were his thoughts problematic? Maybe. 

Was this written intentionally? Yes. 

Virgil’s ‘attack’ on Emile was because Emile touched him while he was in the middle of a bad panic attack, and he did it without Virgil’s consent or knowing that he was going to touch him. 

Remember, Virgil is all about Fight or Flight. Virgil couldn’t flee, so he fought. Hence the lashing out. 

As for Virgil’s thoughts and words... he has a very very valid reason to not like Remus. Remus made his life pure hell, and Virgil had thought that coming to the Light Sides would make him finally be safe from him, and now he’s learning that Remus isn’t going anywhere. So the sanctuary that he finally had is now gone. 

So he feels betrayed, and his actions are understandable. (understandable, not excusable). 

Also remember that Virgil was speaking from anger and fear and hurt, and when anyone feels those things all at once, they’ll say things they don’t mean in an effort to feel better. 

Again, understandable but not excusable. 

It’s now Virgil’s turn with Emile, so I will be diving into all of this deeper and hopefully it will help make things a bit clearer. In the meantime, don’t worry about any unsympathetic sides or evil sides. There are none in this story. 

Hope you all have a great day, and thanks for reading!


	43. The Bridge that Burned Long Ago

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow, 100 bookmarks? Thank you guys so much! You're all so awesome!
> 
> Also, if anyone here likes stories about Jacksepticeye's, Markiplier's, and more's egos, I have a new story up called Picking Up Strays.

Remus saw Virgil walk by from the kitchen, and he saw Patton take Virgil up the stairs. He wasn’t stupid, he could tell what had happened. 

Especially since he could hear Virgil’s intrusive thoughts screaming at him... 

He hadn’t been doing anything wrong. He'd just come into the kitchen to get something to eat with Logan. Roman was there as well, so they all got to talking. 

“I’m... I’m sorry for all the times I refused to listen to you,” Roman had said. “You could have left Remus down there to rot, but you didn’t. Even when you didn’t gain anything from it. You... you are a very good man, Logan. I’m glad you were the one to find Remus...” 

Logan... had been speechless. 

But Remus had smiled proudly at his brother. 

This had broken the ice and led to more topics of conversation. Remus felt happy inside that Logan and Roman were getting along, and they actually were getting along well. While they still disagreed on some topics, they could debate and share knowledge just as well as Remus did. 

And so Remus focused more on eating his ghost pepper nachos than contributing to the conversation. Let them have their talk, it’ll be good for them... 

But then Remus had seen Virgil... 

“Remus?” Logan said. “Are you ok? You’ve been staring at nothing for a while now.” 

Virgil must have heard Remus... that had been his reaction just to hearing him. Remus felt a dagger in his heart at that. He’d had his share of panic attacks over these past months. He knew well what fear felt like. He felt guilty that he had hurt Virgil so much that this where things stood now. 

He’d taken Virgil’s sanctuary from him by leaving Logan’s room. 

“Here,” Remus passed the plate of nachos to Logan. “You can have the rest. I’m going back to our room.” 

“Are you sure?” Logan asked, taking the plate. “What’s wrong?” 

“I’ll tell you later,” Remus said. “Keep talking, you both seem to be really into it. I’ll see you later...” 

Remus walked off, leaving Logan and Roman alone. 

Roman glanced at Logan, narrowing his eyes slightly. 

“So... how have you and Remus been doing?” He asked. “Everything going ok?” 

“Everything is satisfactory,” Logan said, taking a bite of nachos and not even flinching at the taste. “Are you worried because he’s your brother?” 

“I’m trying to earn that back,” Roman sighed. “I ignored him for so long, and I said such horrible things about him... but he’s shown me this whole new side of him. Or... maybe it’s not a new side. Maybe I just never thought to look close enough to see it...” 

“He is multifaceted,” Logan agreed. “It keeps things interesting. You never know what you will get with him. I rather enjoy it.” 

Roman’s eyes widened. Oh no... if Logan got to talking about Remus... 

“He is rather rough around the edges,” Logan said. “Actually, he’s rough all over. But there is a certain... beauty to his madness. He is highly intelligent, and there’s this... raw passion inside him. A thirst for life, if you will. He wants to know more about the world around him... even if his experiments are a bit unconventional. But I do enjoy spending time with him and indulging his activities...” 

Roman could feel his tongue start to tingle. That wasn’t good, it meant that it was detecting love in the air. He’d soon be able to taste it, but he’d promised Remus he wouldn’t. He had to do something. He had to- 

The nachos! 

Ghost peppers! 

Roman swiped a large handful of nachos from Logan’s plate and stuffed them into his mouth. As he chewed, the heat struck and Roman quickly couldn’t even feel his tongue let alone taste anything. 

He lunged for the sink, quickly filling a glass with water. 

Logan watched Roman gulp the water down with a confused look in his eyes. Why did Roman do that? 

Remus was stripping off his clothes as the bathtub filled with water. 

Virgil’s reaction had complicated things, and he was hoping a good soak would help him figure out what to do. He slid into the tub, causing water to slosh over the sides. He’d chosen a lavender bath bomb this time. It might help him think... 

Remus had decided to start leaving Logan’s room in an effort to be more involved with the others. He knew that there might be some friction with Virgil, but he hadn’t expected the other to be so... haunted. Then again, it did make sense. He’d done some pretty fucked up things to Virgil in their youth. 

Remus couldn’t think of a way to even begin apologizing to Virgil. There was literally nothing he could do to make anything better for him. There was nothing he could do to repair the relationship he had burned long ago. He was still hurting Virgil without even meaning to... 

He’d have to write this one off. Things were fucked, and there was no way to fix them. 

Remus sighed and sank beneath the water, switching over to his gills. 

But what would happen now? 

What was he supposed to do? 

Virgil had been a part of this family first. He’d been here longer. Remus... was... is... an outsider. Virgil had been through so much, and he had finally found people that loved him and cared for him. And they had to love him more than they loved Remus. If it ever came down to a choice, Remus was sure the others would choose Virgil. Poor Virgil had found his home in the Light Side. 

Was Remus really going to ruin that for him? 

But he didn’t want to go. He didn’t want to go back to the Dark Side. He didn’t want to be alone again. 

He loved Logan, he wanted to be with him. 

But how long would he be welcomed here? How long until the others stopped tolerating his presence? How long until Virgil's mental health declined enough that it started affecting Thomas? How long until they told him to leave?

Maybe... maybe leaving would be good. Virgil would be able to be around his family again, and there wouldn’t be any unnecessary drama or fighting because of Remus being there. And Logan... 

Logan... 

Well, Logan deserved someone who could properly love him. Someone better. Someone who could make him happy.

Someone... who wasn’t Remus...


	44. Tears Don't Compliment Bath Bombs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus: You could have given us a happy ending like ten chapters ago! Why are you doing this?  
> Me: *pouring more angst into the story* Relax, I know what I'm doing.
> 
> Also, fun fact: Remus canonically has shoulder freckles. You can see them when he shows up in Are There Healthy Distractions.
> 
> I like to wait until all my regulars have read and commented on a chapter before I post the next one. It makes me feel like a mother making sure all of her children have eaten before giving out more food.

Logan eventually went back to his room to check on Remus.

As soon as he closed the door behind him, he could see the light on in the bathroom and smelled lavender in the air.

Ah, so Remus was upset over something...

Logan couldn’t explain it and neither could Remus. It was just a fact that Remus found lavender to be soothing. He often burned candles or spread petals around the room when he needed it, and Logan had gifted him with a scented spray.

Which he soon regretted because Remus had taken to spraying it directly into his mouth...

Still, Remus was upset and Logan wanted to know why.

What had happened to turn the mood so sour?

Logan entered the bathroom and grimaced at the clothes that Remus had left on the floor. Honestly, the hamper was right there. Not even two feet away. And yet Remus always seemed to miss it when he removed his clothes...

Logan approached the tub and looked down into the water. There were some bubbles on top, but not enough to obscure Remus from view. He was lying on the bottom of the tub, eyes closed and arms folded over his chest like a stereotypical corpse. It was a common thing that Remus often did whenever he lay down. Logan sometimes wondered if he did it as a way to simulate human contact...

Of course Logan knew that Remus was not dead, he could see Remus’s gills fluttering at his sides.

Logan knelt down next to the tub and leaned against the edge, content to watch Remus sleep. Sleep was one of the few times that one could see Remus in a peaceful state. While he sometimes had horrific nightmares, he otherwise slept soundly. Face relaxed, chest gently rising and falling, softly snoring.

And sometimes he drooled. A lot.

But Remus looked peaceful here, and Logan couldn’t help but really look at him. Now that he had realized his feelings, he had noticed new things about Remus. The scattering of freckles that dotted his collarbones and shoulders. The delicate curl to the ends of his mustache. The scars on torso and shapely legs. And there was muscle there too. Not an enormous amount, but Logan could certainly see the curve of it under Remus’s skin.

Had he really never noticed these things? How curious...

People often said that love blinds people... but in this case, it had opened Logan’s eyes wider.

Logan’s thoughts went silent before starting back up again.

This position reminded him of a fairy tale. The sleeping princess and the prince who came to awaken her.

And then there was a bit about forcing a woman to dance in burning hot shoes until she died or a hundred years having passed. He wasn’t sure how those stories went, he’d have to ask Remus...

But a kiss had been present in both stories. Logan had never been kissed before, neither had he ever kissed someone. He’d never wondered what it was like... until now.

Roman had always bragged about his kissing skills, and Logan was curious about how good Remus’s own skills were. How did his lips feel? Were they warm? Cold? Chapped? Soft?

Was a kiss something you did so early? Was it something you did later in a relationship? Customs and cultures had so many different things to say, and Logan didn’t know which one to follow.

But he was still curious...

He blinked, suddenly having an idea. He leaned down and made sure that Remus was still asleep...

And then he pressed his lips into the surface of the water.

He wanted to kiss Remus, but he felt it wasn’t the right time. Remus was still vulnerable, more so than he thought if Remus was seeking baths and lavender. And anyway, there was still no way of knowing what Remus’s true feelings were.

Maybe Remus didn’t feel that way about him. Maybe Remus just wanted to be friends.

Either way, Logan would wait. Let Remus heal first and then maybe bring it up...

Logan wiped the water from his lips and cleared his throat. That had been an odd thing to do. Perhaps his feelings were causing him to act so irrationally...

Remus woke up shortly afterward, slowly opening his eyes and looking up at Logan through the water. Ah, he probably figured out that he was upset. But Remus couldn’t decide if he wanted to talk about it or not.

He probably should. Emile had taught him a thing or two about communication.

_“Communication is the foundation that every relationship is built upon. You must have strong communication or the relationship will crumble and collapse. Don’t be afraid to speak to people about how you feel...”_

Remus surfaced from the water, turning slightly to face Logan.

“Bad day?” Logan asked.

Remus sighed.

“Virgil had a panic attack because of me,” Remus nervously tapped his nails against the edge of the tub. “I... I don’t know what to do.”

“Why do you assume that you have to do anything?” Logan asked.

“I... Logan, I’m not... I... Virgil’s been here longer,” Remus looked away. “You guys all really love him and I don’t want to ruin anything. If Virgil’s that scared of me... then he’s going to have another attack if we keep bumping into each other. I’d have to stay in this room all the time. Maybe I could come out after he goes to bed...”

“Remus, that is not going to happen,” said Logan. “You have just as much right to be here as Virgil does. We’ll figure something out. Maybe Emile can help.”

Remus frowned, tapping his fingers harder. He could hear his intrusive thoughts hammering at the back of his mind.

**He doesn’t love you back.**

**He deserves better!**

**Just leave him alone. It won’t work out.**

But were they right? Did Remus really have no chance with Logan? Everything was so fucked up. He already had to deal with Virgil and Janus, but now he had romantic feelings on top of it all. Feelings that complicated everything and added more weight to his shoulders.

But Remus didn’t want to let those feelings go. He clung to them like a raft in a raging sea. While they were painful... they also gave him hope. Hope for more. Hope for something he never even knew he wanted.

“I... I was...” Remus swallowed heavily. “I was thinking of leaving. Maybe going back to-”

_**“NO!”** _

Remus flinched at the volume of Logan’s voice. The power behind it. The emotion!

Logan cleared his throat and looked away.

“I... do not wish for you to go,” he said slowly. “And you should not have to go. While Virgil was here first, there is no priority or hierarchy in this family. And the others do not wish to see you go even if Virgil does. We can work something out. We will work something out. Something that is mutually beneficial for you and Virgil. But please... please do not leave.”

Remus’s chin wobbled as he tried to hold back his tears. He wasn’t successful, and they slid down his cheeks to drop into the water below.

Logan really didn’t want him to leave. Remus could tell he was telling the truth. He genuinely did not want Remus to leave.

And Remus didn’t know how to feel about that.

He was happy that someone wanted him to stay, and happier that it was Logan. But at the same time, his intrusive thoughts increased, telling him that it was hopeless and that Logan was only doing this because he had already spent so much time and effort into rehabilitating Remus.

Logan was such a good soul. He wasn’t perfect, but he was still so good. He deserved so much better than the pain and trauma that Remus had to offer.

**Look at him. How could you hope to romance him?**

**You’re making a mistake.**

**Just walk away. You’ll just mess it all up.**

Remus shook his head and began to sob. He felt Logan pull him into a hug, and Remus clung to him.

“It will be ok, Remus,” Logan said softly. “I promise. It will work out...”


	45. Remus's Inner Voice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one hurt a bit to write...

It was late. So late that it was pretty much early morning.

But Virgil had a craving for a snack, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep until it was satisfied.

He didn’t eat anything too heavy. Usually toast or sometimes peanut butter crackers. Tonight, he chose some celery and dip. Just something light and enough to soothe his hunger. He had just turned off the light in the kitchen when he heard someone else coming down the stairs. Virgil didn’t pay it much mind until he saw who it was.

Virgil ducked down next to the couch, it was Remus!

What was he doing here? Logan had mentioned getting Remus on a better sleep schedule. He shouldn’t be up at this hour and moving around. Was he hungry too?

No, Remus walked right by the kitchen and into the living room. Where was he going?

Virgil peered around the couch to see Remus standing in front of a door. Not just any door, it was the door to the Dark Side. What was he doing?

Virgil could see well enough in the dark. All the Dark Sides could. He could see that Remus looked troubled. Remus was staring at the door, wringing his hands together nervously. Virgil could feel Remus’s anxiety, but what was he so anxious about?

Remus reached for the door knob, but then his hand just sort of hovered in the air. He pulled it back and tried again, but got the same result. Then Remus began to pace in front of the door, hands gripping his hair tightly.

Virgil was confused now. What was Remus doing? What was he trying to do?

“It’s for the best,” Remus said softly. “It’s for the best. I have to go.”

He reached out again with a shaking hand, but he didn’t grab the doorknob.

“But I don’t want to go,” he said. “I like it here. It’s nice here.”

Virgil couldn’t see Remus’s face, but he could hear the change in his tone as he spoke his next words.

 **“You have to go,”** he said. **“You don’t belong here. This place isn’t for things like you.”**

Virgil felt a chill run down his spine at those words. It was Remus’s voice, but he couldn’t help but feel like it wasn’t Remus at all who spoke. The tone had been sickly sweet and reminded Virgil of Mother Gothel from Tangled.

“Logan said he doesn’t want me to leave,” said Remus. “He told me he wants me to stay.”

And again the voice answered.

**“Logan will get over it. He doesn’t know what he’s saying. And anyway, he deserves someone better than you...”**

Remus was silent for a moment, but then he began to sniffle. Virgil’s eyes widened as he listened. Was... was Remus crying?

“Do I really have to go?” He asked, sounding almost pleading.

**“It’s for the best. Everything will be better without you here. Think of poor Virgil. This is his family. This is his home. You chased him away from his first home, are you going to chase him away from this one too?”**

Virgil felt another chill at those words. What was going on? Why was Remus talking like this? And why was he talking about Virgil? He said he had chased Virgil away from the Dark Side. Did he really believe that?

**“All you have to do is open the door, close it behind you, and then lock it. It’s for the best.”**

“But I don’t want to leave Logan,” said Remus. “I... I’m in love with him. I don’t want to leave him...”

Virgil looked around the couch again to make sure it was really Remus who had really said that. He’d never heard Remus confess his love for someone before. Hell, he had never even been sure that Remus could fall in love...

**“Logan deserves someone better. You’re not a lover. You’re not Roman. You’re just a monster. All you do is ruin everything. You’ll only end up hurting Logan. Why would you want to hurt him if you claim to be so in love with him?”**

Remus sobbed softly, covering his face with his hands and shaking.

**“They’ll all forget about you. Just like they did before. When they all forgot about you and you almost died down in the Dark Side...”**

Virgil felt like he should do something. He should say something. He should get up and go get someone to help. But he was frozen in place, knowing that if he moved Remus would see him. There was no telling what he would do if he saw Virgil spying on him like this.

“Please don’t make me go,” Remus sobbed. “I don’t want to go.”

**“It won’t be so bad this time. If you’re lucky, you’ll die quickly this time. You’ll fade away and then no one will ever have to deal with you again. You’re no use to Thomas. You’re no use to anyone. All you do is ruin things.”**

“But... I’ve changed,” said Remus. “I haven’t hurt anyone in a long time. Emile and Logan have been helping with my thoughts and urges. I could... I could change. I can get better. I can be better.”

**“You’ll never be better, so why try? You’ll always be bad. Everyone always said so before. And you’re so selfish to not think of poor Virgil. He’s terrified to leave his room because of you. You tortured him so much before, and now you’re going to ruin his home for him. And for what? Because you’re in love with Logan?”**

“I...” Remus sounded exhausted now. He sounded defeated. “I...”

**“Open the door, step through, and then lock it behind you. This is the best thing that you can do for everyone. Just leave and let them all be happy again. Leave and let them all be free of you.”**

Remus was silent for a few minutes, standing so still that Virgil was worried he was having so kind of fit. But then he reached out and finally grabbed the door knob. He opened the door and stepped closer.

Virgil should really go get someone. He should.... he needed to move now!

“It’s for the best,” Remus said, slowly moving forward. **“It’s for the best.** It’s for the best.”

He stepped over the threshold and into the Dark Side...


	46. The Taste of Heartbreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I felt bad for leaving you guys on such a sad cliff hanger. Hopefully this will help you guys feel better.

“Patton!”

Patton jolted awake as his bedroom door was thrown open. Virgil rushed inside, panicking hard, eyeshadow growing darker by the minute.

“Virgil?” Patton climbed out of his bed. “What’s wrong? Are you ok?”

“I... h-he... it’s Remus!” Virgil stammered.

“Remus? What happened? Breathe with me, Kiddo,” Patton tried to get Virgil to calm down.

Virgil shook Patton off and began to pace, gripping his hoodie in terror.

 _“I don’t know!_ He just... he was talking to himself and mentioned trying to die and then he... he left! He went to the Dark Side!” Virgil said in a strained voice.

“Kiddo, you really need to try and calm down,” Patton said. “Let’s do our breathing exercises.”

Virgil was breathing heavily, eyes wide and hands shaking. He looked to be on the verge of a panic attack, and Patton didn’t want it to get that bad. But it seemed that Virgil was unable to do much else.

“What’s going on?” Roman appeared in the doorway. His eyes widened when he saw Virgil. “Is he ok?”

“I don’t know,” Patton said. “He won’t calm down. He said Remus left.”

“Remus left?” Roman repeated. “Why?”

Why would his brother leave? He was in love... but did that love scare him off? Was Remus so afraid of Logan not loving him back that he left?

Roman ran down the hall to Logan’s room and didn’t bother knocking as he rushed in. Sure enough, Logan’s bed was half empty, only having Logan himself sleeping in it. Logan woke up at Roman’s arrival and sleepily blinked.

“Roman? What’s-” Logan paused when he noticed Remus was missing from his bed.

Roman could see the worry grow in Logan’s eyes.

“Logan, Remus is gone,” said Roman. “Virgil said he saw him leave.”

Logan wasted no time in getting out of bed. He grabbed his glasses and followed Roman down the hall.

“Patton’s trying to calm Virgil down,” Roman said. “But something’s got him spooked really bad.”

“What could it be-” Logan stopped as they made it to Patton’s room, surprised by the sight that greeted him.

Janus was in front of Virgil, tenderly cupping his face, and his eyes were glowing and slowly swirling through a kaleidoscope of color. Virgil was calming down, transfixed by Janus’s eyes.

“Breathe slowly,” Janus said gently. “Feel all the panic slowly slip away. A weight has been lifted from your shoulders, from your chest, from your very heart. There now... you’re doing so good, Virgil.”

Hypnosis! Logan supposed he shouldn’t be surprised. Thomas had always been a fan of The Jungle Book...

“Your mind is clearing,” Janus continued. “You can think again. You are calm now. Tell us what happened downstairs.”

“I went to get a snack,” Virgil said calmly. “And then Remus came down. I was scared, so I... I hid. I heard Remus speaking to himself, but his voice was different. It felt wrong. It scared me. He was arguing with himself, telling himself to go... but he wanted to stay because... because... Logan wanted him to.”

Logan inhaled sharply as Virgil spoke.

“Very good, Virgil,” Janus said, gently stroking Virgil’s cheek with his thumb. “You’re doing very good. Keep calm now, your panic is so far away. It can’t touch you. What happened next?”

“He... he left,” said Virgil. “He walked through the door... and he locked it behind him. I ran for Patton... as fast as I could. Remus... he was so scared. He was crying. He was begging. He... he needed help...”

Logan felt as if ice was dripping down his spine, and he was pretty sure he’d stopped breathing. Remus had left. He’d gone back, but why? If he didn’t want to go...

Who had convinced him to?

He ran for the stairs, nearly tripping down them in his haste. He heard Roman call his name, but he ignored him. The door. The door in the living room. That was the only one Remus could have gone through.

Logan tried to open the door, but it was indeed locked. He grabbed and heaved, using all of his strength in an effort to open it. In his desperation, he started slamming his weight against the door as if to knock it down. But all that gave him was a bruised shoulder.

“Remus!” He pounded on the door. “Remus, open the door! Please! Please, open the door!”

“Logan!” Someone grabbed him and pulled him away, but he struggled.

“Patton, go back to Virgil. Make sure he’s ok. I’ll deal with Logan.”

It was Roman. Roman was the one who had restrained him.

Logan heard Patton run back up the stairs as Roman tugged him away from the door. Logan could feel his rush of adrenaline waning, replaced by a deep sorrow. He felt tears well up in his eyes and spill over down his face.

“Logan! Logan, can you hear me?” Roman asked, shaking Logan’s shoulders.

“I... Roman, how do we open the door?” Logan asked, shaking his head to clear it.

Of course brute force wasn’t going to open it. There had to be a key or something to open it with.

“We can’t, Logan,” said Roman. “Only a Dark Side can unlock it.”

Logan glanced at the stairs and gestured to them, not noticing that his hands were bleeding from his assault on the door. Virgil or Janus could open the door...

“No,” Roman shook his head. “They were accepted by Thomas, they’re not considered Dark anymore. Only Remus can unlock that door.”

Logan felt as if someone had punched him in the stomach and then in the chest. Roman grimaced, feeling an awful bitter taste rush over his tongue. It was a taste he hasn’t known for a long time, but he knew what it meant: heartbreak.

Oh no... Logan did return Remus’s feelings. Very hard too, it seemed.

“I... I need h-him back...” Logan said, barely stifling his sobs. “There h-has to be a way... to get him back. Why... why would he leave? H-he wouldn’t l-leave! Something’s wrong!”

He was nearly bent double in his agony, his broken heart flooding his body with a pain that almost felt real. Remus was gone. He’d left him. But why? He’d been doing so well, and Logan had poured his heart out, asking Remus not to leave. Virgil said he’d been talking to himself, what had happened?

Logan then spotted something on the ground. In the dim light, he had mistaken it for a shadow at first, but now he could see it was something else. Something that looked familiar...

With a gasp, Logan dropped to his knees and crawled over to it. It looked as if it had been dropped right in front of the door. Had Remus dropped it?

It was a piece of black chalk.

Logan held it up and looked at Roman.

“I know how to get to Remus,” he said.

On the other side of the door, Remus was crying softly as he sat in the living room of the Dark Side.

He’d turned out all the lights except for the television that continued to show only snow and white noise, but it did very little in terms of illuminating the room. He hated it. He hated being back in the dark. He missed the nightlight Logan had created for him. He missed Logos. But most of all, he missed Logan.

He felt awful for leaving. He hadn’t wanted to leave at all.

“I don’t want this,” he sobbed. “I don’t like this at all. I’m going back! I’m going back to Logan!”

He stood up and went to the stairs of the door, but then the voices were back.

**“Stay!”**

They used his mouth and his voice to command him.

 **“This is for the best,”** they whispered sweetly. “ **Logan will be so happy to see you gone. He won’t have to burden himself by taking care of you. If you really love him, you’ll stay here. You’ll let him be free again.”**

Remus faltered on the stairs, slowing to a stop.

“I love him,” he said. “I love him so much.”

**“You cannot love him as he should be loved. You cannot give him the nice things that others can. He is better off with someone else. Someone who can give him all the sweet things that come with love. All the things that you will never be able to give him...”**

Remus cried harder, knowing the voices were right. He turned around and went back to the couch in the living room.

Back to the shadows and dark.


	47. Asking For Help

“Faster!” Logan dug his heels into Remus’s horse. 

Roman held on for dear life as the horse reached a speed that normal horses were incapable of. He and Logan had wasted no time in drawing a door into Remus’s kingdom and Logan had summoned Remus’s prized mare to get them to the castle. 

They’d already tried to draw another door into the Dark Side, but to no avail. Logan was no Dark Side, so he could not enter that way. 

“You really think there’s another door?” Roman asked, arms wrapped around Logan’s waist. 

“There has to be,” said Logan. “Remus is an intelligent man. He would have a fixed door that he can always use, he wouldn’t risk it all on a piece of chalk. We just have to find the door and I have no doubt that we’ll be able to enter the Dark Side.” 

“But what if there isn’t a door?” Roman asked. “Maybe Remus didn’t create one...” 

Logan twisted in the saddle, fixing Roman with a glare over his shoulder. Roman flinched at the sight of Logan’s steely eyes. 

“We are going to find the door,” Logan said. “There has to be one. I refuse to believe there isn’t.” 

Roman wisely chose to stay silent for the rest of the ride. 

They finally came upon Remus’s castle, and Logan rode right up to the gate. 

“Melantha!” He called. “Melantha!” 

There was a flurry of movement at the top of the stone rampart, up where the gate could be operated. A familiar face finally looked down at the two. 

“It’s the Wisdom Bearer and The Prince!” She said to her men. “Let them through!” 

The gate slowly opened, and Logan urged the horse through. A few zombies met them in the courtyard, where they helped Roman and Logan down and took the horse away. Melantha was already descending the stairs, looking confused. 

“His Grace is not with you,” she sounded worried. “Is something wrong?” 

“I fear that Remus has finally succumbed to the darkness in his mind,” said Roman. “He is in a battle with a monster that bears his face.” 

“Speak plainly, Prince!” Melantha snapped. “Flowers are for gardens, not for words! What has happened to my King?!” 

Roman’s eyes widened, and he stepped back with a yelp. Melantha could be very terrifying when she was angry... 

“Remus is hearing voices,” said Logan. “They convinced him to lock himself in the Dark Side and we’re trying to get back into it.” 

Melantha gasped, eyes widening. 

“His demons...” she said. “They have their claws in him again...” 

She glanced around at the other zombies and creatures in the courtyard. 

“Come with me,” she reached out and took Logan by the wrist. “Quickly!” 

She led them both into the castle and down a long hallway. Remus’s subjects glanced at the trio curiously, some hurrying to get out of Melantha’s path as she didn’t slow down for anyone or anything. She finally opened a door and pulled them into a room. 

The room had a table that bore an enormous map of Remus’s kingdom. Markers of all shapes and sizes were piled neatly on the edges, and several books and scrolls were on the other tables nearby. Melantha let go of Logan and stepped away from him, looking conflicted. 

Logan’s eyes glowed blue as he examined her, tapping into his power of logic. 

Her expression, her body language, her earlier words, they all pointed to one thing. 

“You know something,” he finally said. “You know what’s wrong with Remus...” 

Melantha sighed. 

“I have sworn an oath to my king to never reveal this secret,” she said. “I am loyal to him, and I keep my oaths. But... I will beg HIs Grace’s forgiveness later when he is safe. And I will tell you what I know in the hopes that you will be able to save him.” 

Roman was once again amazed at how well Remus had created his subjects. They were complex enough to hold secrets and make decisions like this. And he was grateful for it, because Melantha seemed to have vital information that would surely help them. 

“What secret are you keeping?” He asked. 

“His Grace has a haunted mind,” said Melantha. “Those voices are not new. He has suffered from them for as long as I have served him. Normally, he can shrug them off, but... sometimes they are too loud for him to do so. When that happens, he is compelled to obey them. He cannot help it, and he hates himself for not being able to resist. If the voices have gained enough strength, then that would be why His Grace is acting in such a manner.” 

Logan wanted to kick himself. Figuratively. 

“Of course,” he said. “Why did I not see this sooner? I should have known!” 

“What?” Roman asked. “I thought you told Thomas that intrusive thoughts were harmless. We had a whole debate about it!” 

“And usually they are,” said Logan. “But for those who have suffered trauma or have poor mental health, they are more susceptible to acting on those thoughts. Remus has been suffering, and I didn’t think it was this bad, but I should have! He is lost, he is confused, and his intrusive thoughts are now stronger. He must have started listening to them for some reason. Perhaps they managed to convince him of something...” 

“Then how do we save him?” Roman asked. “I won’t let him keep this up!” 

“Neither will I!” said Melantha. “He is my king and it’s my duty to keep him safe.” 

“It’s not that simple,” said Logan. “We don’t even know what the thoughts are saying. We don’t know what they convinced him of. I’ll have to speak with him before I can figure out the best way to handle this. Either way, we need to get him back. Being in the Dark Side will only exacerbate things.” 

“You think Emile can help?” Roman asked. 

“Possibly,” said Logan. “But we need to find a way into the Dark Side. Melantha, do you know if Remus has any doors that lead to the Dark Side?” 

Melantha thought about it. She wasn’t privy to all of Remus’s doings, but she did know about most things. She tried to remember if she had ever seen or heard of a door like that. 

“I have never seen a door,” said Melantha. “But there is a room in this castle that no one is allowed to enter. I have seen His Grace enter and exit it many times in the past, but do not know what’s in it. You might look there first, but be warned, the room is locked and only His Grace has the key.” 

“That won’t be a problem,” said Logan. “Where is the room?” 

“It is in the same hallway as His Grace’s private quarters,” said Melantha. “At the very end.” 

Logan nodded, but then his eyes softened. 

“Thank you, Melantha,” he said. “You have helped us both immensely.” 

“Think nothing of it,” said Melantha. “Just save my king.”


	48. To Pierce the Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all the people who are stanning or loving on Melantha. I'm glad you guys like her because I really enjoy writing her.

“Why do you know where my brother’s private chambers are?” Roman asked, squinting at Logan.

Logan was busy examining the lock on the room that Melantha had told them about. It wasn’t going to be broken by brute force, Logan would have to pick it. He summoned a leather case and carefully opened and unrolled it, barely listening to Roman.

“I’ve slept with Remus in his room,” he said, trying to figure out what tools he would need.

“You’ve done _WHAT!?”_ Roman drew his sword.

The nerve of this knave! Taking advantage of his poor brother, and his brother thought the world of him. Did Logan have any idea what kind of damage he could be doing-

“Remus asked if he could sleep in the same bed as me because he didn’t want to be alone,” Logan said, still not paying attention. “So I’ve been sleeping with him ever since I brought him to the Light Side. I think it’s helped his mental health, he does enjoy cuddling.”

Roman paused, blinking a few times. Oh... so Logan hadn’t been... he and Remus hadn’t...

Roman sheepishly put his sword away.

“Are you so sure you can pick that?” He asked, eager to change the subject. “You said Remus isn’t stupid. He wouldn’t put a regular lock on such an important door. He'd want it to be protected in case anyone else came here.”

“I think that’s the point,” Logan selected his tools and got to work. “Remus never expected anyone else to want to come here...”

Ouch, that hurt.

Roman would never stop feeling guilty for all the years he wasted when he could have been building a bond with Remus. They had been close at first, right after The Split. But as they grew, Remus began to scare Roman and gross him out. And then the whole Light Sides and Dark Sides became a thing, which just drove Roman further away.

And now Roman was trying to make up for lost time. Trying to help Remus build something upon a field of ashes.

But it seemed that Remus had already built something beautiful without him...

And Remus had managed to find someone to love and be loved by!

Roman was actually glad it was Logan that loved Remus. Logan had a good head on his shoulders, he knew about all that psychology stuff, and he was unaffected by Remus’s... eccentricities. If anyone could treat Remus the way he should be, it was Logan. If anyone could keep Remus safe, it was Logan.

Roman watched Logan work on the lock. Every now and then he would choose a different tool or ask Roman to hold something in place for him. Roman couldn’t help but wonder where Logan had learned how to pick a lock. Or _why_ Logan knew how to pick a lock. But right now there were more important things to worry about.

“Do we have a plan?” Roman eventually asked. “If what Melantha said is true, this is not going to be an easy battle...”

“First and foremost, we must get Remus back to the Light Side,” said Logan. “Being in an environment that holds bad memories will only make things worse. If need be, we’ll bring him back by force. After that, we’ll have Emile evaluate him and hope that he hasn’t relapsed too badly.”

Simple enough, but almost everything is easier said than done.

“Ok, I think this is it...” Logan grabbed the door knob and managed to turn it. The door opened, and Logan put his tools away.

The room was empty except for a door that stood in the middle. The door was made of black wood with silver carvings that looked like octopus tentacles. What was so strange was that the door was not set in any wall. It simply stood in the middle of the room with nothing around it.

“We found a door,” said Roman. “But is it the one we need? And where does this one even open to?”

“When Remus brought me back, he drew a door,” said Logan. “It led us to the Dark Side living room. If Remus had this door... why not just use it instead of drawing one?”

“Maybe he didn’t want you to see what’s on the other side of this door,” Roman shrugged.

“Didn’t want me to see,” Logan mused. “Oh... I think I know where this door goes...”

“Where?” Roman asked.

Logan didn’t answer as he walked forward and slowly opened the door. Roman kept his hand on his sword in case anything jumped out at them... but nothing did. The door opened to another room that was pitch black, but Logan had a lantern that Melantha had given him.

_“If His Grace is truly at the mercy of his demons, then there will be a terrible darkness that you must walk through. This darkness is generated by His Grace and no ordinary light can pierce it. Take this lantern with you and it will light your way. His Grace created it himself, and it will not fail you...”_

Logan lit the lantern and there was a flurry of movement in the darkness. It looked as if the shadows were moving away quickly, trying to escape the light of the lantern. Logan stepped through the door and the shadows kept moving, dispersing and fluttering to the corners of the room. Logan looked around and saw what room he was standing in.

It was Remus’s bedroom in the Dark Side.

The bed was piled high with dirty musty clothes to the point that Logan couldn’t tell what color the sheets were (If the bed even had any). There were tables full of specimens in jars, some of which were shattered on the ground, soaking the carpet in chemicals. Torture devices were on display in one corner, and a giant skeleton of some kind of beast hung from the high ceiling. What other furniture there was had been broken, and Logan wondered if Remus had been the one to break them.

Logan looked around, holding the lantern high and watching the shadows move. Melantha had been right, this was not a natural darkness. It did not bode well for Remus if he was stuck in this miasma of despair.

“Logan!”

Logan spun around just in time to see Roman lunge for the door, but it slammed shut on him. There was a loud click as the lock slid into place, and then everything was silent and deathly still. Logan tried to open the door, but it wouldn’t budge, and there was no visible lock for him to turn.

He was alone now. He would have to save Remus himself.


	49. I Am My Own Worst Enemy

Logan wasn’t afraid.

He was nervous and a bit unsettled, but he wasn’t afraid.

Remus’s lantern was keeping the darkness away, and Logan had to wonder why Remus had made such a lantern in the first place. Had Remus experienced this seemingly living darkness before? Had he created this lantern to protect himself from it?

But why give it to Melantha instead of keeping it with him?

Logan shook his head as he moved away from the door. It wasn’t going to open, and he was wasting time. Remus needed his help.

Logan moved through Remus’s room, careful to step around anything dangerous. The door was wide open, hanging off the hinges even, and Logan moved into the hallway. It was completely dark in the hallway too, and the darkness continued to move and shift away from the light of the lantern as Logan moved.

He walked down the hallway, pausing when he saw the words on the wall that Janus had seen before. Logan pressed his mouth into a tight line, keeping himself from saying anything. Most of the words were old, but a few were fresh. They were written in blood, and there were smeared handprints around them.

Logan forced himself to look away and continue down the hall. He would address this later after Remus was back in the Light Side. He’d get Emile to help him. He’d do whatever needed to be done to help Remus feel better. What Logan still wanted to know was what had caused such a dramatic shift? Remus had been doing very well, and this had happened so quickly. What had made Remus leave? What had his thoughts told him and convinced him of?

Logan could hear something in the living room downstairs, and there was a dim white light. He carefully walked down the stairs and looked to see...

Remus!

Remus was sitting on the couch and facing the tv. The tv was just playing white noise with snow flashing on the screen, but it gave off enough dim light to show Remus and the couch. The rest of the room and the other rooms around it were still completely dark.

“Remus?” Logan called as he moved from the stairs. “Remus, can you hear me?”

He moved closer, but then something moved in the darkness behind Remus, causing him to pause. It looked like Remus, but it was made of shadow and had bright glowing green eyes. It stood behind Remus, hands resting on his shoulders.

Logan kept the lantern close as he felt the darkness try to push in closer.

“Who are you?” He asked in a firm tone. “What have you done to Remus?”

The figure gave a creepy grin and moved his hand to gently pet Remus’s hair.

 **“We are the ones who have always been here,”** it said. It spoke with Remus’s voice, but it was warped and distorted. **“We are the ones who never leave. And we are the ones... who _didn’t_ leave. We didn’t abandon Remus. When everyone else left, we were still there for him...”**

It leaned down and spoke to Remus in a gentle tone.

 **“We have always been here for you, Remus,”** it said. **“Even when Jannie left. We stayed...”**

“You stayed...” Remus said softly, eyes unfocused and staring into nothing. “You stayed...”

“Remus, I’ve come to take you back,” said Logan. “You need help. This place is not good for you.”

The figure hissed and pressed its clawed hands over Remus’s ears.

“Remus...” Logan tried again.

 **“He can’t hear you...”** the figure said in an annoying sing song voice. **“We won’t let him hear you. We have him right where he needs to be. He’s in a state where he will listen to us. He has been ignoring us for too long.”**

“Who are you?!” Logan demanded. “Tell me!”

The figure laughed.

 **“We are his intrusive thoughts,”** it said. **“The voices in his head that he cannot control. No one can control us.”**

“No, but they can ignore you,” Logan said as he moved closer.

Remus moved slightly on the couch, slowly reaching his twitching hand out to Logan. But the figure grabbed it and pulled it back.

 **“Remember what we said,”** it whispered to Remus. **“This is for the best. He deserves better...”**

“For the best...” Remus repeated softly, voice devoid of all emotion.

Logan felt a chill run down his spine. This... he’d never seen or dealt with anything like this before. Intrusive thoughts were one thing, but when they took a physical form...

But was it a physical form? It looked more like a ghost. Could it really do anything?

No... no it couldn’t.

Intrusive thoughts couldn’t make you do anything unless you let them. Remus’s mental health left him vulnerable, and no doubt this creature had taken advantage of that. But nothing was stopping Logan from walking over there, taking Remus’s hand and bringing him back-

_You think you have power here?_

Logan gasped and stepped back. The figure behind Remus was smiling again, looking at Logan intently.

That hadn’t been Remus’s voice... that had been Logan’s.

_You really think that you can rescue Remus? Why? Because you love him? You’re a machine. You don’t feel emotions. You can’t feel emotions. You can’t love Remus at all. Do you want that? For Remus to be stuck with someone who can’t love him?_

Logan’s hand began to tremble, the lantern shaking slightly. The figure watched it carefully.

“I am not a machine,” Logan said softly. “Emile helped me figure that out.”

_You tricked him. You said all the words you were supposed to say. All the words that you knew to say. You wanted to convince Picani and yourself, but you were lying. You’re lying now. You don’t feel love._

“I do,” Logan said. “I do feel love.”

What was this feeling? The darkness was pushing in closer and the voices were making it hard to think. Maybe... maybe Logan shouldn’t have come down here. He was at a disadvantage, he... he needed to leave. Leave and regroup and then come back-

_You need to leave Remus alone. You’re only going to hurt him. How dare you even think of trying to romance someone who had been through so much and clearly has problems? You’re nothing but selfish! And to do so when you can’t even feel emotions..._

“N-no...” Logan’s grip was loosening on the lantern. “No, that’s not true.”

It was getting so hard to think clearly. It was getting so hard to ignore them. Maybe they were right. Maybe Logan should just keep his distance. Remus was clearly in no state to even think about romance. He needed help to recover, and Logan shouldn’t have wanted more than that...

The figure looked excited as Logan’s intrusive thoughts began to wear him down. Its hands loosened from Remus’s head and Remus blinked, lifting his head slightly.

Logan tried to fight, but he was losing. The thoughts were blocking his logic and his thought processes and bombarding him with negativity. He could feel his grip on the lantern loosen more and more as he lost more and more hope.

The lantern finally fell from his hand, and the darkness surged forward-

_“NO!”_

The lantern was grabbed again and held up to push the darkness back. Logan blinked against the light and sudden silence and saw who was there.

It was Remus!

Remus was holding the lantern, his dull eyes quickly sharpening back into the keen and intelligent ones that Logan knew so well.

“Get back!” Remus roared, the light growing stronger. “Get back!”

 **“Remus!”** The figure yelled, keeping to the shadows. **“What are you doing? You’re not listening-”**

“I am done listening to you!” Remus growled. “I never should have to begin with, but I let myself have doubt, and that was all you needed, wasn’t it? You preyed on my insecurities and my fears and I let you take control, but no more!”

He wrapped his arm around Logan’s waist and pulled him close.

“I love him!” Remus said. “I love him and I’m not going to hide that anymore. I don’t care what you say about me being unable to love him as he deserves, because you know what? He doesn’t care. He doesn’t care that I’m weird, he doesn’t care that I’m violent, he doesn’t care that I’m not Roman! The only thing he does care about is that I’m happy and healthy, and if that’s all I’ll get from him, fine! But I’m not letting you split us apart again. I’ve already been split before and I’ll be damned before I let it happen again!”

 **“Remus, you’re making a mistake,”** the figure said in a sickly sweet voice. **“Come back to us. You know he’ll just leave you. They all left you. But not us. We stayed. We stayed by your side.”**

“Yeah, like a parasite,” Remus said. “But no more. Logan taught me that I don’t have to listen to you. You can’t make me do anything unless I let you. I can accept you as part of me, and I can accept that you will always be there, and there may be times when you make it hard to ignore you, but I’ll have Logan to help me when that happens. _You have no power over me!”_

The light suddenly flashed even brighter, lighting the whole room and forcing the darkness away. When the light went back to its usual brightness, the darkness was gone and the figure with it.

Logan blinked, head finally clear and quiet. He stared at Remus, who was breathing hard and crying. Should he? Maybe he shouldn’t- fuck that, he should and he will.

“Remus,” he said. “Remus can you hear me? Are you back?”

Remus looked at him and nodded.

“I’m sorry,” he cried. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have... I didn’t mean to let them...”

“But did you mean what you said?” Logan asked. “About loving me?”

Remus sobbed but nodded.

“I do,” he said. “I’m sorry, but I do. I love you, but I was afraid that I couldn’t give you the love you deserved. I felt like you deserved better. I just... I want you to be happy, but I keep causing trouble for you and I’m such a burden...”

Logan stared at Remus as the other poured his heart out. He gently wiped Remus’s tears away.

And then he leaned forward and pressed his lips against Remus’s in a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... am I forgiven now?


	50. Author's Note

Hello Puppers! 

Just a quick little thing to share with you (I know I’ve done a lot of notes and I apologize for that). 

*gestures at my empty table* 

I’ve just served you the last of the plot that I prepared and I’ll need to take some time to cook the next batch up. I’m not quite sure how it’s going to go, but I promise I’ll try to make it as good as the story’s been so far. 

In the meantime, if you want to leave me any comments to help motivate me or suggest something you’d like to see, please feel free to. I don’t know when the next chapter will be up, so please bear with me and stay tuned. 

Thank you all and have a wonderful day!


	51. Readjusting to the Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not a very long chapter, I know, but I finally got my motivation for this story again.

Remus had no idea what was happening.

The last thing he remembered, Logan had just kissed him. He had kissed him! Willingly! And Remus couldn’t help but regret not brushing his teeth for the past few days...

But everything was a blur. Everything sounded as if he were underwater. He could feel someone tugging him up the stairs. He had to close his eyes against the sudden change in light, pressing the palms of his hands into his eyes as he clenched them in pain.

“-mus? Remus!”

“Kiddo!”

Remus flinched when he felt someone hug him. He could hear more muffled voices and then someone was leading him away. It was far too bright in here, he wanted to get away. He hoped whoever had his hand would lead him somewhere dark and quiet.

Logan watched Remus carefully. He was in bad shape, and Logan wanted to get him somewhere quiet to talk. They needed to talk about a lot of things, and they needed to do it sooner rather than later.

Logan brought Remus to his room and kept the lights dim, but didn’t turn them off completely. He hadn’t thought about Remus needing time to adjust after being in the dark for so long. He sat Remus on his bed and looked him over.

“Remus?” He asked. “Remus, are you with me? Can you hear me?”

Remus had yet to let go of Logan’s hand, grip tight and desperate as if he was afraid that Logan would let go and then he’d fall right back into the hell he’d been rescued from. It was warm up here. He’d never noticed how cold it was downstairs until Logan had brought him here.

“Remus?” Logan carefully reached out and cupped Remus’s face.

Remus flinched with a gasp and then finally looked up at Logan. Logan was looking at him with concern, and Remus felt a wave of guilt wash over him.

“I’m sorry,” he whimpered, tears filling his eyes. “I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t mean... I didn’t w-want... you could have gotten h-hurt. You could have gotten lost. It would have... it... it almost had you. You didn’t have to...”

He dissolved into sobs, covering his face and hunching over. If anything had happened to Logan, it would have been all his fault. He was dangerous, even when he was trying to be good. Even when he did everything he was supposed to, those damn thoughts could still manipulate him.

“Remus, it’s ok,” Logan said, pulling Remus into a hug. “I went down there because I was worried. You needed my help, and I wasn’t going to just leave you there. And I had help from you, either way.”

He held up the lantern, and Remus gasped as if just now noticing what lantern it was. True, he’d been a bit preoccupied to notice it when he’d held it earlier...

 _“Hundeherz,”_ Remus said. “I created this to help me combat the shadows... how did you get this?”

“Melantha gave it to me,” Logan smiled. “She... she told me your secret. I... I understand that you have your reasons for not telling me about the voices earlier, but... I would like to know if I caused it so that I can keep from doing so again.”

“No!” Remus shook his head. “No, you... well...” He sighed. “When I found out my feelings for you, I guess that’s when it started. I... was worried that you wouldn’t return my feelings, and... that I couldn’t give you the romance that you deserved. And then when Virgil had a panic attack over me, the voices convinced me that everyone would be better off without me. I didn’t want to leave! I wanted to stay, I swear! But... but they were very convincing...”

“Remus...” Logan shook his head. “I’m sorry that I did not notice your distress earlier. I... I was sorting through my own feelings. I’ve spent so long claiming to not have emotions, but... you have shown me many times that I do. You have brought me nothing but happiness and... and you made me realize that I can love... because I love you.”

Remus’s eyes widened. Logan was confessing his love. Logan was saying that he loved him... and Remus suddenly realized that maybe Disney had been right in some instances. He certainly felt his heart flip and flutter, he forgot how to breathe for a few moments, and he could feel his face blushing dark green.

“I... I lo... I love you too,” he choked out. “I love you too!” He said it louder. “I love you, Logan!”

It felt... freeing to say such words. A burden had been lifted from his heart, and a rush of happiness replaced it.

Logan smiled at Remus, amused by the other’s blushing. He was having his own emotional crisis, feeling much the same that Remus was. He actually had to press a hand over his chest, worried that his heart would start literally hammering against his rib cage if he wasn’t careful.

“I know you’re worried,” he finally said. “I know that you need help with your problems. I know that there will be times when things are more difficult than they usually are. But I swear to you... I will not leave. I will love you just as much on your bad days I will on your good days.”

Remus was crying again, but for a completely different reason. He sniffled and wiped at his eyes, giggling softly.

“Logan...” he said slowly. “Can we... um... can we... do the... the thing again?”

At Logan’s confused look, Remus shyly tapped his lips. Ah, Logan knew what he wanted.

Logan kissed Remus again, and it felt like electricity jolting through Remus’s system. Well, not quite... he knew what being electrocuted felt like, but this was way better. It was warm, it was perfect, it was full of love. Love that Remus never knew before and never knew he could feel.

But he was glad that he could.

“For the record,” Logan said as they finally broke apart. “I strongly dislike those cliché romantic gestures. Commercialism has long since stripped them of any sort of romance. I have no doubt that you will show your love for me in your own... creative way.”

Remus giggled again.

“I’m sure I can come up with something,” he said, pulling Logan in for another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note: 'Hundeherz' is the name that Remus gave his special lantern. It's German for 'Dog Heart' which is a reference to Sirius, the brightest star in the sky. In the constellation Canis Major, Sirius sits right in the chest area of the dog.


	52. Coming to Terms of Endearment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had to do so much research for this chapter...

Remus was back to staying in Logan’s room after he came back.

He was as clingy as always, but he seemed happier. Logan didn’t mind letting Remus use him as a pillow, not even when Remus sometimes drooled on him when he was napping or at night when they were asleep.

Patton and Roman had visited when Remus felt better, both pulling him in for a tight hug.

“I was so worried,” Patton had cried. “I thought you were gone!”

“So did I,” Roman was crying too. “I would have been devastated to lose my brother.”

“I’m sorry,” Remus felt guilty. “I didn’t mean to...”

“No!” Patton wiped his eyes. “Do not blame yourself. You were hurting, you were vulnerable. We should have protected you. We should have paid attention. I’m so sorry I let you down, Remus. I promise I’ll do better. I won’t let this happen again.”

“Same here,” said Roman. “I won’t let the shadows take you again.”

After that, Remus had asked Logan to accompany him back to his kingdom. He had someone he needed to thank.

“So, is there a reason why this lantern is named?” Logan asked as he held it, riding behind Remus on his prized mare.

“All good weapons have names,” said Remus. “Even my morningstar has a name. I created that lantern to be a weapon, so I gave it a name.”

“Makes sense,” Logan said, admiring the details in the metal work.

“I made it a long time ago,” Remus explained. "This wasn’t the first time my thoughts tried to take over. It’s just that before... before I had Jannie to help me. This time I didn’t want anyone to think I was a burden...”

“You are not a burden,” said Logan. “I never thought you were. If you are feeling this way, then I will do all I can to prove you wrong. And I think a talk with Emile would be most beneficial.”

Remus sighed.

“I’d rather just forget it all happened,” he said. “But... you’re right. I should talk to him. I’ll get an appointment tomorrow. Let’s just enjoy today, huh?”

“Indeed,” Logan smiled and kissed Remus’s cheek.

Remus blushed dark green, giggling giddily.

When they came to Remus’s castle, his servants looked very happy to see him again. They gathered around his horse, telling Remus how glad they were that he was ok, and that Remus was looking much better. Remus dismounted and helped Logan down before letting them take his horse to the stables.

“Your Grace!” Remus looked over to see Melantha racing down the stairs. “Your Grace!”

She stopped in front of him, looking very worried.

“Your Grace, are you ok? I was so worried about you. Your brother had tried to help you, but I believe he did not make it through the door,” she sighed in relief. “I am glad to see you return safely. This kingdom would fall without you.”

“I’m... I’ll be ok,” said Remus. “Logan rescued me from the shadows.”

“Good,” Melantha then looked down in shame. “Your Grace... I must confess something. I have committed a most horrendous crime.”

“What did you do?” Remus asked, already having an idea of what she was going to say.

“I... I broke my vow,” Melantha said. “I told them your secret. I am sorry, Your Grace. I know that it was for good intentions, but I still broke my vow. I accept any punishment that you give me.”

She got down on her knees, head still bowed.

Remus stared at her for a moment before he helped her stand back up.

“Melantha, get up,” he said. “I’m not punishing you. You broke your vow, but you did it to save me. If you had kept it... I wouldn’t be here right now. Thank you for your loyalty, Melantha. I know that I can always count on you to help save me when I need it.”

Melantha’s relief was plainly seen on her face. She straightened her posture and then struck her chest with a fist in a salute. Remus then pat his own chest, mirroring the same location as green handprint that Melantha had on her breast plate.

“All is forgiven,” he said. “Even though there was nothing to forgive. I am proud to have you as my general. Logan and I are going to stay here for a while. You will go about your duties as you usually do. And I will see to it that you are rewarded in due time.”

“Thank you, Your Grace,” said Melantha. “It is a pleasure to serve you.”

Logan smiled as Remus led him into the castle.

“You handled that very well,” he said.

“Wasn’t hard,” Remus shrugged. “She’s a good person and I like her a lot. I created her to be loyal, and she didn’t disappoint.”

“I keep forgetting you created the people here,” Logan said. “I have such a talented boyfriend.”

Remus gasped at that word. Boyfriend. True, they had already confessed their feelings, but... hearing that word just seemed to make everything realer. Boyfriend, such a wonderful word.

“Boyfriend,” Remus said, blushing again. “I never thought someone would... would call me that. I like it a lot.”

“I’m glad,” Logan said. “Um... do you like terms of endearment as well? I don’t... I’m not very fond of those sappy names like ‘Pudding’ or ‘Sweetie’ or ‘Honey’, but I wouldn’t mind if you used something else.”

“I wouldn’t use those names anyway,” Remus pretended to gag. “You deserve something better like... hmm... like...”

He was silent for a few minutes as he thought about it. Logan deserved something very good. Something smart and elegant and definitely not something sappy or cringey. Something... German? No, most of those were quite a mouthful. Something a bit more simple would suffice...

Ah! He knew what to use.

“My _Hertis Rote_ ,” Remus finally said.

“’My Heart’s Root’?” Logan nodded. “I like that one. How wonderfully Gothic of you.”

“Yes, well...” Remus smiled proudly. “We Gothics have our own language when it comes to love and romance. But, you don’t have to think of anything too complex if you want to pick a term for me-”

 _“Inamorato,”_ Logan said. “That’s what I’ll call you.”

“What’s that mean?” Remus asked.

“It’s late 16th century Italian,” Logan explained. “It’s a term for a male romantic partner, but it literally means ‘enamored’ or that I am in love with you. I think it’s elegant enough for you.”

Remus blushed darker. _Inamorato._ He could swear he was going to write that on his bedroom wall...


	53. Bonding With Your Hertis Rote

_Inamorato..._

_Inamorato..._

How could one word feel him with such warmth and happiness? Was it the word itself or because it was his word. Logan’s word for him. His petname.

Remus had never had a petname before. He’d never had someone take the time to choose one for him.

But Logan had. Logan had, and Remus loved it.

Whenever Logan purred it into his ear, used it to catch Remus’s attention, or simply greeted him with it, it never failed to make Remus melt and blush like a teenager in love. He was finally starting to understand why Thomas had acted so foolishly in school whenever cute boys would walk by. It was as if he was trying to cram a lifetime of learning about love into only a day or two. Remus swore he was going to carve that name into his throne.

But Logan was just as affected.

He blushed and he smiled as well whenever Remus used his own petname. _Hertis Rote._ Heart Root. It referred to someone being the object of one’s heart. The source of a person’s most profound emotions. And it was Logan’s name. His very own. One that no one else could take from him.

He did find it strange that Remus’s petname meant ‘the source of a person’s most profound emotions’ when Logan had argued for so long that he didn’t have any. But at the same time, Remus had struggled with such emotions as well. He’d struggled with recognizing romantic love, and it had been Logan that made him feel and realize it.

So maybe the petname wasn’t wrong...

“What do people in love do?” Remus asked. “All I can think of is Roman’s Disney movies, and I only half paid attention to those...”

“Well...” Logan took a moment to think. “They go on walks together, eat meals together, shower each other in overpriced gifts, file their taxes jointly...”

“Boring,” Remus frowned. “We’re not gonna do any of that.” He thought for a moment. “Come with me, I’m gonna show you how to use a bow and arrow...”

“Oh, that sounds much more exciting,” Logan happily followed Remus outside.

Remus had a target set up and then helped Logan pick out a bow.”

“Do you know how to fire a bow?” Remus asked as he watched Logan.

“In theory,” Logan replied. “I’ve just never actually done it.”

“Oh, well here,” Remus suddenly got very close behind Logan, carefully moving him into a better stance.

Logan was very glad that Remus was behind him and couldn’t see his face. He was blushing deeply, realizing just how intimate their positions were. Remus was carefully arranging him and helping him hold and aim the bow properly.

“There,” he said, hand gently lifting Logan’s chin slightly. “Just like that. Now... pull back and shoot.”

Logan did just that, pulling the arrow back while he tried to keep his aim steady...

But then Remus moved his hands to Logan’s hip and lower back to help steady him, and Logan panicked.

The arrow went straight up instead of straight forward as he twisted with a yelp.

“Logan?” Remus looked worried. “You ok?”

A crow suddenly hit the ground, arrow lodged firmly in its chest.

“Oh dear!” Logan dropped his bow. “I’m so sorry! I shouldn’t have... I didn’t mean to...”

“Relax,” Remus walked over and picked the bird up. “He’s fine.”

He removed the arrow, and the crow suddenly fluttered its wings. It cawed and perked up, moving to sit on Remus’s shoulder.

“You ok, Fred?” Remus asked.

The crow cawed again.

“He’s fine,” Remus assured Logan. “Let’s try again.”

The second attempt actually had the arrow land on the target. Nowhere near the bullseye, but Remus called it progress all the same.

“You’re too tense,” he said. “You need to relax. You keep tensing your muscles and it’s going to throw your aim off. Take a deep breath.”

Logan did just that, slowly breathing in and out. He wasn’t blushing anymore now that Remus wasn’t so close to him, but now he felt pressured to perform well. He felt an urge to impress Remus, much to his confusion.

Still, he managed to fire a few more times, actually hitting the bullseye, but still not hitting it dead center. Remus applauded when Logan ran out of arrows.

“Not bad for your first try,” he said. “We can keep trying, or I can teach you how to use something else. But... you do look so dashing with your bow and arrows...”

He blushed, making Logan’s heart swell.

“What about you?” Logan cleared his throat. “Are you skilled with a bow and arrow?”

Remus conjured an arrow and quickly fired it without even looking at the target. It hit the bullseye dead center.

“A little,” Remus grinned.

Logan chuckled, but then they both paused when they heard shouting in the distance.

“What’s that?” Logan asked, turning to wear the noise was coming from.

“I don’t know,” Remus set the bow down. “Let’s go see.”

They walked across the courtyard back to Remus’s castle, hearing the shouting grow louder. It was coming from the front gate, and Remus could see that some of his soldiers were gathered around the top, weapons drawn.

“You can’t keep me from him!” Someone shouted on the other side of the wall.

“Get away from here, Snake!” Melantha snarled. “You hurt our king. You’re lucky I don’t tear out your snake tongue and use it to tie my hair back!”

“Melantha!” Remus called up to his general. “What’s going on?”

“Your Grace!” Melantha turned around. “The Snake is demanding an audience with you. I have told him that you do not wish to see him, but he will not listen.”

“Remus!” They heard Janus call. “Remus, please!”

Remus sighed heavily and began to climb up to where Melantha and the others were standing. He looked down and saw that it was indeed Janus standing there. His cape and hat were missing, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, revealing the scales that dotted along his arm.

“What are you doing here, Janus?” Remus asked, straightening up into a more royal posture.

“I just want to talk to you,” Janus rasped, tears welling up in his eyes. “Please, Remus. I’m begging you...”

Remus was silent for a moment as he looked down at Janus. His soldiers were waiting for his command, weapons still pointed at Janus.

“Let him in,” Remus finally said. “I want to hear what he has to say...”


	54. A Meeting with the King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, I was working on another story and my motivation was kind of split between them. But the other story is finished so I should be able to focus more on this one now. XD

Remus received Janus as if the other side were a subject of his. 

He sat in his throne, and had a chair pulled up for Logan to sit next to him. They were holding hands, and Logan was squeezing Remus’s hands in soothing motions, sensing his distress. Remus looked as if he wanted to do anything but speak to Janus, and Logan couldn’t help but feel proud of Remus for choosing to. 

The door opened and Janus was escorted into the room by Melantha. Her face was neutral, but Remus could sense the seething anger underneath it. Janus just looked torn between sad and relieved. Remus kept his own expression neutral, but he felt Logan squeeze his hand again. 

Janus stopped before the dais and Melantha stepped back, hand on the hilt of her sword. She stood straight and still, looking almost like a statue. 

“Leave us,” Remus told her. 

Melantha glanced at Janus and then back up at Remus. 

“Your Grace,” she said. 

“Melantha...please,” Remus said softly. “I’ll be fine.” 

Melantha gave Janus another distrusting look before turning and leaving the room. The closing of the door echoed through the silence. Remus and Janus just stared at each other as if waiting for the other to speak first. Logan glanced between them and then cleared his throat. 

“Janus,” he said. “You said you wanted to speak to Remus...” 

Janus could hear the unspoken prompt for him to start talking. He took a deep breath. 

“I... I wanted to make sure that you were ok,” he said. “I heard what happened and all the memories of this happening before just came flooding back and I nearly had a fit from all the worrying. I remembered that I used to be the one to calm you down and chase those thoughts and shadows away-” 

“And now Logan does that,” Remus interrupted. “And as you can clearly see, I’m fine. So you can leave now.” 

“Remus,” Janus took a step forward, visibly restraining himself from running up the set of stairs and throwing his arms around Remus. “Please. I miss you. It hurts me that you don’t want to see me.” 

“Funny,” said Remus. “I could have said those exact words about you months ago.” 

“Remus-” Janus tried to say something. 

“Why do you suddenly care!?” Remus snapped. “Why do you suddenly care what happens to me when you didn’t care at all the whole time I was down there alone? You left me there. You left me! So that you could have your special seat at the table and prance around with the light sides. The same thing could have happened during that time, and it almost did. I had to destroy a whole room and constantly knock myself out to keep the thoughts away!” 

“Remus please-” Janus tried again. 

“I wouldn’t even care if it had been anything else,” said Remus. “It was that you left me just so that you could go hang around people have had spent years, YEARS, calling you a villain or ugly or evil or no good. People who dismissed you and ignored you and brushed you aside. And the whole time that was happening, who was there for you? I was. I loved you. You were like a mother to me. I depended on you, I looked up to you. And you threw it all away in a heartbeat...” 

His anger was leaving him now, sorrow and heartbreak replacing it. Still, he kept his voice as even as he could. He kept his head up. 

“You say that you were worried about me and you were scared of what would happen to me when I was downstairs with my thoughts,” he said. “But why weren’t you scared or worried before when you first left me? Why are you worried now? Why are you scared now? What’s the difference between now and then? Is it because you’re just now realizing how bad it could have ended if Logan of all people didn’t come down to check on me?” 

“Yes!” Janus said. “I wasn’t thinking at all when I left you. I-I...” he let out a sob. “I just... I wasn’t thinking at all. But now I see how wrong I was. I mean, I always knew that I was wrong, but now I actually saw how bad it could have been. I... I just...” 

“That’s not fair,” said Remus. “It’s not fair that something bad has to happen to me for people to care.” 

And just like that, the point was made. The central flaw with how things were done in the Mindscape: something bad had to happen for a Side’s worth to be realized. Virgil had to duck out, Thomas had to have a mental break down for Janus to be seen as good, Remus had to be left alone in a dark hell, Patton had to turn into a giant frog... 

It was toxic at best and fatal at worst. It was a way that things never should have been done. They all should have been on equal footing to begin with, their differences put aside in the name of Thomas’s well being. But instead, they had fallen into some sort of war between the light sides and the dark sides and everyone had suffered for it. 

Janus felt his heart break again as Remus's words hit home. Such a simple thing to say and yet it carried so much weight... 

He... he didn’t know what to do. All the fight within him quickly fled, and he wavered on his feet. 

“I...” He shook his head. “Th-Thank you for seeing me, King Remus,” he felt numb as he gave a bow. “You’re right... and I’m sorry. I need... I need to think. I need to fix this...” 

He gave another bow and began to walk back to the exit. 

“Janus?” Remus asked, suddenly looking afraid. “Janus, what do you mean? Janus?!” 

He stood up from his throne and took a few steps down the dais, Logan letting go of his hand as he did. 

But Janus didn’t say another word. He opened the door and closed it behind him without even looking back. 

“Oh god,” Remus covered his mouth. “I... I went too far. I went too far, Logan! I was... I was just so angry at him. And now he’s... what if I’ve lost him? I didn’t... I didn’t want that!” 

Logan pulled Remus close and let him cry. He glanced back at the door that Janus had left through and narrowed his eyes. 

What was Janus going to do?


	55. A Talk About Acceptance

Thomas stared at Janus, barely believing his own ears.

“You... you left him there?” He asked. “All alone? Because I accepted you?”

“I know it was wrong,” Janus groaned. “And I hate myself for what I did. But I cannot change the past, I can only hope to change the future.”

“And you think me accepting Remus is going to help everything?” Thomas asked.

“I’m hoping it will,” Janus began to pace. “This... this whole environment that we’ve been living in has been toxic from day one. Instead of uniting for a common goal, we split ourselves and developed a stupid ‘us vs them’ mentality. If we had all tried working together and gotten along, I have no doubt that things would have been so much better.”

“So what does this have to do with Remus?” Thomas asked.

“Remus is the only side you have yet to accept,” said Janus. “As such, he is the only side that your mind still considers to be ‘dark’. If you accept him, then we will all be united and the Dark Side will disappear for good.”

Thomas narrowed his eyes slightly.

“Janus,” he said slowly. “Are you wanting me to do this for my own good... or because you’re trying to get Remus to like you again?”

Janus frowned and looked away, wilting before Thomas’s eyes.

“I... I do want him to like me again,” he said. “But my job is Self Preservation, and I’ve... I haven’t been able to do a good job at it lately. When you still knew me as Deceit, I wasn’t able to do much, so... when you accepted me I did as much as I could as quickly as I could. I was worried you would... change your mind. I was worried that if I stopped or didn’t do all I could, I would lose my seat at the table. But then... after Logan yelled at us all about Remus, I’ve been too depressed and worried to do my job well. I’m just... I'm just trying to do what I’m supposed to do for you...”

He sniffled, wiping at his eyes.

“I don’t care if Remus never speaks to me again,” he said. “He deserves acceptance. He deserves to be with us. He's deserved it for so long... and I hate myself that I chose your acceptance over him. I never should have abandoned him. I should have fought for him...”

Perhaps for the first time, Thomas realized just how messed up things were with his sides. These years old rivalries, the fighting and distrust, the exclusion. The most messed up thing out of all of it was that they all practically worshipped the idea of being listened to and accepted. To the point that they would toss aside family or destroy themselves in the name of it.

How much deeper did this all go? How much did he not know? How much had he been ignoring? After all, he’d always known that there was some tension between some of his sides, but he’d always chalked it up to something akin to sibling rivalry. He’d had no idea that his whole mind had been split in half to house two sets of sides. He’d had no idea that some of his sides had been suffering so much that his acceptance meant so much to them.

“This is my fault,” Thomas said.

“Thomas?” Janus’s eyes widened. “No, you can’t think that-”

“It is,” Thomas shook his head. He didn’t look sad, he looked determined. “I should have done more. I left so much in everyone else’s hands and let them try to figure out what to do. I didn’t know much, but I could have asked. I could have learned more. I could have done more. I let it get this bad. I let it spiral out of control. It’s time I took more responsibility. It’s time I took more of an interest. It’s time I started paying more attention to you guys in return. And I will. Starting with Remus.”

He pulled Janus in for a hug.

“You messed up,” he said. “But I can tell that you regret it. You’re trying your hardest, and that’s great. Don’t give up hope yet, ok? You’re not out yet...”

Janus couldn’t stop the fresh wave of tears. He couldn’t stop the sounds of misery that escaped from him. He couldn’t stop clinging to Thomas. He felt as if he didn’t deserve such love and care. Not after what he’d done to Remus. But even as he thought so, he couldn’t help but continue to cling to the other, finding comfort in his embrace.

The rumble through the Mindscape felt ominous, and Patton felt it just as he was dozing off for a nap.

“Huh?” He perked up and looked around. “An earthquake? Does Thomas have the volume on his headphones up too loud again?”

Another rumble shook the ground, much stronger than last time.

“Is anyone else feeling this?” Roman asked, coming out of the kitchen, shirt stained with what he’d been stirring as he cooked dinner.

“What’s going on?” Virgil asked, sounding panicked. “Why is the Mindscape shaking? This is bad!”

“Virgil, we’re fine,” Patton said, pulling Virgil into the kitchen. “But here, crouch under here if it will help you feel better.”

He helped Virgil get under the kitchen table, and Virgil curled into a ball. Another powerful rumble shook the room, and Patton rushed to keep anything breakable from falling over. When everything finally fell still, Patton ventured out into the living room.

“Everything looks ok,” he said, looking around. “Doesn’t seem like anything’s broken.”

“What was that, though?” Roman asked, trying to mop up the stain on his shirt with a dish rag. “I haven’t felt anything like that before...”

Patton looked around again, and suddenly froze. He slowly turned to look at a now blank wall.

“Roman,” he said. “Roman, look! Tell me you see it too. Or... or you _don’t_ see it.”

Roman looked at where Patton was pointing, and his eyes widened.

“The door to the Dark Side,” he said. “It’s... it’s gone!”

Indeed, the door was gone, and nothing on the wall indicated that there had ever been a door to begin with...


	56. Remus's Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this took so long. I hit a snag when planning out the plot and couldn't decide on a few things.  
> But now I have the rest planned out and can get back to writing this thing again. XD

When Remus woke up the next morning, something felt different.

He sat up in his bed and looked around, brows furrowed in confusion. The world felt as if it had shifted, as if it had changed somehow, but Remus could not figure out how so.

“Logan,” he shook the other side awake. “Logan, wake up...”

Logan slowly woke up with a few sleepy mumbles. He reached over and put his glasses on before sitting up with a yawn.

“Remus?” He asked. “What’s wrong?”

“Something’s happened,” said Remus. “Can’t you feel it? Something’s changed...”

Logan squinted slightly as he took a moment to look around. Everything seemed to be in order, but he could feel it too. Something had changed somewhere, and it was obviously making Remus nervous.

“I need to go investigate,” Remus said, snapping himself into his royal finery. “What if something’s happened with my kingdom-”

He paused when he felt an odd tug. It was one that he’d never felt before, but somehow he instinctively knew what it was. He felt it again... and then he vanished.

When Remus appeared, he fell to the floor. He’d never been summoned before, so his landing wasn’t exactly graceful. He groaned softly and rolled onto his back, looking up to see Thomas standing over him and looking concerned.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” Thomas held his hand out. “I guess I should have given you some warning, but the others don’t have any trouble with it...”

“Yeah well...” Remus took Thomas’s hand and got back to his feet. “The others have been summoned enough to know how to stick the landing...”

Thomas winced at Remus’s words. It hurt how true they were. Thomas had never summoned Remus before. Not once. Granted, he hadn’t known about Remus’s existence for a very long time, but he could have asked. He could have spoken to the others more, asked them about any other sides he had. Known more about them besides just calling them The Dark Sides or The Others...

“That’s going to change,” Thomas finally said. “Janus spoke to me and explained how things seem to work around here, and I accepted you. I don’t want you guys to keep fighting among yourselves. It’s been going on for years and I would have stopped it a long time ago if I’d known. I should have asked more questions, but... I didn’t. I was scared of what I might find...”

Remus slowly blinked. He didn’t know what he’d been expecting to hear, but it wasn’t that.

“You... accepted me?” He asked. “Wait! That means... the change I felt... It’s the Dark Side! It’ll be gone now...”

“The Dark Side?” Thomas asked. “What’s the Dark Side?”

“It’s... it _was_... where we lived,” Remus said slowly. “Your mind was divided into two identical areas. One was where the Light Sides lived, and the other was where the Dark Sides lived. Our area wasn’t as nice as the Light Sides’ area, but we made do. We had each other, and that... that was enough.”

Remus shook his head.

“Is... is that where you were when Janus left?” Thomas asked.

Remus flinched, shoulders tensing at Thomas’s words.

“He told you?” His eyes widened. “I... I didn’t think he would.”

“He told me everything,” said Thomas. “And then he asked me to accept you.”

Remus felt his mood drop. He slowly slumped, looking like a wilted flower.

“So... you only accepted me... because Jannie asked you to?” He said softly.

It wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted Thomas to accept him for what he could do and who he was. Not because Janus asked him to. It made his acceptance taste bitter in his mouth, as if it were some worthless participation trophy...

“No!” Thomas put his hands on Remus’s shoulders. “No, not at all. Remus, I had no idea I _had to_ accept you. I had no idea how these things worked. I’ve been wanting to make things better for all of you, but I didn’t know how. Janus told me that accepting you would be a good first step, so I did. I accepted you because I wanted to. Because you are part of me. You’re not evil or bad or anything like that, you’re just... different. _All_ of you are. But you’re all worthy of love and my acceptance. I’m sorry it took so long for me to figure out what to do...”

A warmth spread from where Thomas was touching his shoulders. It felt horrible and amazing at the same time. Something that Remus had been so starved for, but now it was tainted by the events that had preceded it.

He almost jerked away, but something within him refused to. This was his triumph. He would not let these past few months ruin it for him. This was the moment he’d been wanting for so long. He would not let the shadows darken it. Remus straightened up, trying to fight back tears. He felt... complete. He felt as if some part of him that had been missing just slotted into place. Logan had made him feel this way too, but now Remus felt as if there was nothing else missing...

Thomas smiled and pulled Remus in for a hug. He squeezed tightly as if to reassure Remus that he was telling the truth. Things would be different now. Thomas knew what to do, and he would fix everything. Well, _mostly_ everything. There were still some things that Remus would have to fix without him.

“Janus told me about how you two aren’t doing so well,” Thomas said softly. “I just want you to know that no matter what happens, I am not going to change my mind about you. This is between you and him, and I will support you both in whatever decision you two make. I just want you to be sure before you make it...”

Remus closed his eyes and slowly wrapped his own arms around Thomas. He buried his face in Thomas’s shoulder and let the tears fall. This was a hug he had not felt in so long. The kind of hug you give someone when you want them to feel safe and protected. Logan made him feel safe, but this hug was different in a way. Remus didn’t want to let go. He didn’t want Thomas to let go.

And Thomas seemed to pick up on that...

“I don’t have anything to do today,” he said. “Why don’t we play one of those horror games you like? Little Nightmares 2 came out recently and I know you liked the first game a lot. You can watch me play and cheer me on and help me with the puzzles. How does that sound?”

That sounded amazing.

“I’d like that,” Remus said. “Thanks... for everything, Thomas...”

Thomas smiled and pulled Remus over to the couch. He sat him down and went about setting up the game. He could see Remus slowly smile from the couch, looking excited and happy...


	57. Weights on a Mood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning! This chapter spoils the end of Little Nightmares 2!

“So what happened?”

Remus groaned and flopped backwards on the couch. He’d come to see Emile for a session after spending the day with Thomas. He’d had a lot of fun with Thomas, but something just had to happen to ruin his mood. He'd tried so hard to not let it affect him...

“Everything was going great,” Remus said. “We were playing that new Little Nightmares game and everything was great. We were yelling and screaming and laughing and just... having fun. It was the most fun I’ve had in a long time without Logan...”

“Sounds like a great day,” Emile beamed. “What went wrong?”

Remus was silent for a few moments before he sighed heavily and sat up. He hated that his day had gone south so quickly. Nearly in the blink of an eye...

“The game we were playing...” he said slowly. “So... it has these two kids: Mono and Six. They’re alone in this dystopian world that’s all dark and scary and nearly everyone is trying to kill or hurt them in some way. They go through so much together... and the character we play as even saves the other one lots of times. But... at the end...”

He sighed again, feeling his heart twist. He felt embarrassed for letting a video game get to him like this, but he knew that Emile needed to know...

“At the end, Six is taken from Mono and changed into a terrible monster,” said Remus. “We, as Mono, fight through a boss battle to get to her, and then we fight her and help her change back to normal. After that, the place we’re in starts collapsing so we run for the exit. At the exit, the floor is crumbling, so Mono leaps across a gap and Six catches him. Me and Thomas were so happy. We made it! Mono and Six would be able to leave and try to find a better place out there... But then... then Six just drops Mono into the chasm below and leaves. Mono finds himself stuck in a room all alone... and he stays there for years...”

Emile blinked. That... was one hell of a coincidence. Out of all the games they could have played, out of all the ways it could have ended...

“And this ending reminded you of what you went through,” he said. “And it affected your mood?”

Remus growled in frustration and slapped the arm of the couch out of anger.

“It was humiliating!” He said. “Thomas could tell I was affected and he even turned the game off before we saw the secret ending. He... he was so concerned because I had started tearing up. I tried to shrug it off, but he could tell. We played other games and my mood picked up again, but the zombie in the room was still there. We could both feel that the mood never got back to how happy it was before...”

He folded his arms, looking away.

“Why am I still affected by this?” He asked softly. “It’s been months! I should be over it by now, right? I found people who care about me and someone who loves me and I’ve even just been accepted by Thomas! I should be happy now. I shouldn’t... I shouldn’t still be feeling that old wound...”

“What happened in the past hurt you very deeply,” said Emile. “Someone who you saw as a parental figure, someone who you loved and cared about very much, abandoned you. You suffered a lot, Remus. Trauma like that can take time to recover from, and there’s no set time frame for it. But you have come so far from it. You’re doing so great.”

“But if I’m doing so great, why is it still affecting me?” Remus asked.

“Some wounds never heal,” said Emile. “Some wounds just scab over a bit and can reopen at any time. But that does not mean that you are weak. Relapses are very common and certain triggers can develop that make you remember the pain you experienced. Maybe it will stop in the future, but there’s no guarantee...”

Remus sighed again. He did not like the sound of Emile’s words. The idea of having to watch out for things like this sounded awful. It made him feel trapped or restricted somehow. Especially how he never gave much thought to what he did or watched or played before. He was free to do as he pleased without anything affecting his mood, but now... now it felt like a chain had just wrapped around his ankle...

“I know this isn’t news you want to hear,” said Emile. “And it’s not news that I enjoy giving... but as your therapist, I owe it to you to be honest and to help you come to terms with certain things. This is one of those things. It’s not a death sentence by any means, and you can still go on to have a normal life.”

“How?” Remus asked. “If even video games can ruin my mood?”

“I know it seems bleak now, but I promise you that it can be managed,” said Emile. “I will do all I can to help you with that. I only want for you to be able to live a happy and safe life.”

Remus still felt a weight on his mood, but Emile’s words were like a spark in the darkness. A reminder that he wasn’t alone. He had someone to guide him through this uncertainty. He had someone who would help him without ever expecting something in return. Someone who wouldn’t betray him and leave him behind to pursue their own desires.

Emile was part of his family. Emile cared about him.

“Thanks Emile,” Remus finally said out oud. “You... you’ve done so much for me. And you didn’t have to.”

“Maybe not,” Emile shrugged. “But I do want you to get better. And it’s always a pleasure to help any of you out. It seems like these sessions have been a long time coming. Things haven’t been the healthiest around here, but hopefully we can all work through things and heal from it.”

Remus felt himself give a little smile.

“Hopefully,” he said.

**Author's Note:**

> If you like these stories, please comment. Also, if anyone wants to make fanart or share the links for this story, you are all welcome to do so.


End file.
